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Original poster

How do I stop messing up at work?

40 replies

BrickingIt44 · 09/01/2022 19:26

Work is pretty bad at the moment and it's all of my own making. There are things I should have done months ago that I put off because I didn't know how to do them, now they're late and I'm in a lot of hot water about it.
It occurred to me that of the many jobs I've had, I've messed up almost all of them. Either I have no ability to manage my time and fall behind, or I can't get on with my colleagues or boss, or or I get overwhelmed by everything and stressed out. How can I stop being like this? I'm sick of having to find a new job and resign in shame and start all over again.
Not sure why I'm posting here really. I just have no one else to talk to about this.

OP posts:
amusedbush · 09/01/2022 19:31

This has happened to me in every job I’ve ever had, which is why I find a new job after 18 months and leave before anyone realised how incompetent I am. I’ve been ashamed and utterly hated myself because of it.

Last year I found out I have autism and ADHD, and the psychiatrist who diagnosed me said this is completely typical for a neurodivergent person. Have you considered that as a possibility?

Original poster
BrickingIt44 · 09/01/2022 19:37

@amusedbush I've been working for 17 years and never lasted longer than 3 years in any job. I've actually only realised that now! I had been thinking it could be something like that. I'm very overweight so I never though of adhd as being a possibility (I might have the ad part but definitely not the h!), but reading threads on mn of people who think they have it or have been diagnosed makes me think I could have it as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrickingIt44 · 09/01/2022 19:38

@amusedbush Thanks for responding, btw. It's really rubbish isn't it? I have colleagues who've worked at the same company for 16 years. I could never.

OP posts:
dogmandu · 09/01/2022 19:38

have you been properly trained to do your jobs? Did you write down notes during training.
I've trained many people over time in a high tech industry. I've noticed that the ones that phone me many times over the first few weeks to say, I've forgotten how to do this, or I'm stuck and don't know what to do next or other similar questions, turn out to be the best employees . I always recommended that if they wanted to they could come back after a few weeks for a follow up training because then they would probably have more questions than at the beginning when they were overwhelmed by a lot of new stuff.

Bootskates · 09/01/2022 19:40

I have been in this situation before, honestly I am my own worst enemy sometimes.

The only thing I can say to do is to list all the things that you have been putting off and take 30-60 mins tomorrow to just try and clear as many as you can. Then repeat Tuesday. Don't try and clear it all in one go as it will a)set you back with the tasks you are actually meant to do and b) overwhelm you.

Also don't be afraid to ask for help

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/01/2022 19:40

Well if you are staying for 3 years it can’t be THAT bad.

As PP says do you ask questions, and flag it when you’ve forgotten? It sounds like a confidence issue, it takes time to learn new things.

BertieBotts · 09/01/2022 19:41

I was going to query undiagnosed ADHD as well.

It's quite rare for the hyperactive part to be obvious in adults or in females so for adult women it's a bit misleading as a name. It should really be about impulsivity or low self control.

amusedbush · 09/01/2022 19:42

@BrickingIt44

There are three subtypes of ADHD: inattentive, impulsive and combined. I have combined but I am not outwardly hyperactive, in me that presents as racing thoughts, fidgeting, interrupting people, having shit money management, overeating etc.

I have worked full time since 2007 and I’ve never lasted longer than 3 years in a job either. I’ve never quite known what I’m supposed to be doing, I struggle to foresee consequences or tasks I should be in preparation for something else, I am crippled by executive dysfunction so I physically can’t bring myself to do a task until I’m chased for it. I’ve hidden mistakes and scraped through by the skin of my teeth until I find a new job and leave because I’m scared someone will realise.

Now that I’ve been diagnosed and I’m on medication, I look back and it’s all so painfully clear.

amusedbush · 09/01/2022 19:46

I'm very overweight so I never though of adhd as being a possibility

I meant to add, my weight goes up and down by 5 stone every couple of years and I’m currently fat (again). ADHD is a dopamine deficiency and I’ve finally realised I’m in a cycle of eating sugary, fatty junk food to get a dopamine hit, then hyperfocusing on restriction to lose weight.

Loads of ADHDers have binge eating problems.

Original poster
BrickingIt44 · 09/01/2022 19:48

@dogmandu I try to ask questions but I find I worry about bothering people. It's hard not being in an office with people where I can just ask a quick question. You sound like a great trainer though to understand that people might not ask questions at the start. I try to be like that with new starters too.

OP posts:
Kfjsjdbd · 09/01/2022 19:50

This describes me really well. I have always been a bit shit at all the jobs I’ve had. Never quite got what I’m supposed to be doing. Leave every job after a couple of years. Also same with the over eating.

I have taken ADHD questionnaires which always say I don’t have it, but I really think I may do.

Original poster
BrickingIt44 · 09/01/2022 19:50

@Bootskates That sounds like a good system, thank you. Just write it all out and try to cross them off. I worry about prioritising and all kinds of nonsense but I need to stop overthinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrickingIt44 · 09/01/2022 19:51

@Luredbyapomegranate I'm good at hiding it most of the time, even from myself. I think it might partially be a confidence thing, like imposter syndrome. I don't think I can do it so I don't. God
I hate my own brain sometimes!

OP posts:
Original poster
BrickingIt44 · 09/01/2022 19:54

@BertieBotts I think it needs a rebranding. The hyperactivity bit makes people think of naughty boys in school, not very unhappy adult women! I've definitely got the low self control thing. Anyone know of having no sense of the future is part of adhd? Like not being able to plan for the long-term because you can't picture it?

OP posts:
Pugroll · 09/01/2022 19:54

Perhaps a completely different sector might work better for you? I used to worry about asking questions, but once I became a manager myself I realised that I genuinely didn't mind my team asking me questions. I know some managers might, but it's part of the job, it's much easier as well to answer stuff than to try and sort out stuff that hasn't been done etc. People want you to do well, if you've been through he recruitment process you are good enough to be there, you add value and deserve help and support when needed to succeed.

Pugroll · 09/01/2022 19:55

Something perhaps where don't work independently with deadlines etc but go in, do the job and go home? Customer service type role? Retail? Not because they're easier, but just they might be more suitable?

BertieBotts · 09/01/2022 19:56

Yes, the main symptom set is executive functioning skills being impaired. There are nine of them and I can never remember all nine but time management is absolutely one of them. I sometimes think of myself as being "dyslexic about time" because it is so confusing to me.

Original poster
BrickingIt44 · 09/01/2022 19:56

Thanks everyone for responding. It's so hard because I really do love my job, or at least my sector. And work is all I really have. I want so badly to do well but I just can't.

OP posts:
somehowsunshine · 09/01/2022 19:57

I just avoid my boss now and suck up to a few of the managers so they love me.

pinkmink · 09/01/2022 19:58

I’m so sorry you feel like this.

You need to be honest with your manager. Chances are they are frustrated with you already, so being honest is not going to make it worse. Make the list, admit you didn’t do the tasks because you didn’t know how, and say you want to, learn, work hard and get things sorted.

dogmandu · 09/01/2022 19:59

[quote BrickingIt44]@dogmandu I try to ask questions but I find I worry about bothering people. It's hard not being in an office with people where I can just ask a quick question. You sound like a great trainer though to understand that people might not ask questions at the start. I try to be like that with new starters too.[/quote]
I can understand why you feel the way you do about asking questions. However it is so important to get things right rather than proceeding down the wrong path. Good luck. It's great that you're asking these questions. I hope you find some helpful answers.

Original poster
BrickingIt44 · 09/01/2022 19:59

@Pugroll I've been thinking about that but I've no idea what else I could do. Without trying to sound up myself or whatever, I'm in the environmental sector and care so deeply about what I do. I had to get a masters and work unpaid for years to get into it. I'd feel like a such failure leaving.

OP posts:
needabreak5 · 09/01/2022 20:00

Are there any jobs within your familiar sector that you could transfer to that would suit you better? Something where it's impossible to fall behind IYSWIM?

LemonDrizzles · 09/01/2022 20:00

I write out a list of everything I need to do and then a different list of just the 3 things I am gong to work on.

Wasn't sure if you were also looking for tips...

All the best

Yika · 09/01/2022 20:01

I wonder if something like the Pomodoro technique could help you stay abreast of tasks? I'm highly distractible with a tendency to procrastinate and I find it a real game-changer. It would take some practice before becoming a workable habit.