How do I stop messing up at work?

[BrickingIt44]

Work is pretty bad at the moment and it's all of my own making. There are things I should have done months ago that I put off because I didn't know how to do them, now they're late and I'm in a lot of hot water about it.
It occurred to me that of the many jobs I've had, I've messed up almost all of them. Either I have no ability to manage my time and fall behind, or I can't get on with my colleagues or boss, or or I get overwhelmed by everything and stressed out. How can I stop being like this? I'm sick of having to find a new job and resign in shame and start all over again.
Not sure why I'm posting here really. I just have no one else to talk to about this.

A friend recently nightly recommended this - it helped to get her workload under control.

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@LemonDrizzles Tips are very welcome, thank you!

Do as PP have said, Make the list, apologise and speak to your line manager, ask for training, you probably won't have time to do them next week as you'll have your day-to-day tasks to be getting on with so as a one-off next weekend send your DC (if you have them) to grandparents or have a partner take them out and do all of the jobs you've been putting off. If you are stuck with how to do something put a post on here, I've seen MNetters help out with work tasks/excel queries several times. Then hopefully, this time next week you'll be sorted or at least made a big dent in your workload.

You're overthinking this situation.

TO FO LIST:

1. write a list of the stuff that needs doing.

1. Write an email asking for instructions/help on any of the bits you don't know how to do. Send that now.

1. Tomorrow, get in with the overdue stuff that you CAN do.

1. When you get help in the other stuff, do that.

1. Make a GP appointment to discuss getting a referral for ADHD assessment.

1. Don't quit your job. If you're really useless they will sack you. Assume you're ok unless they sack you.

*TO DO!

I like the mo-fo to fo list, but it's now what I meant.

*NOT what I meant 😂

If you mess up at work like I just have writing this post, maybe resigning would be best... 😂

Thanks @AlbertBridge, I'll make a start on it as you've written it. I really am overthinking it. It gets so jumbled in my head and I get so much anxiety over it, so it's really helpful for someone to just write it all out like that. I am going to have to call it the mo fo list, though!

It’s hard to make specific suggestions as you aren’t quite sure what is wrong, and it’s also not clear what’s actually going wrong at what is just your perception.

SO I would head to the doctor, and get a diagnoses - if you have ADHD diagnosed you can get some free support for coaching at work. Join all the organisations and forums.

I have managed staff in the past. I have had a few who sound like you. I always did everything I could to find ways of helping them help themselves.

Tbh if any of them came to me with lists of how, why and where they are struggling I’d have been delighted. It is so much easier to help a self—aware struggler than someone in denial. Good luck. You sound lovely AND hard working. You just need a bit of help to work smarter.

I read your oh post and I was instantly... ADHD.
Then I saw others surgested it too. Please look this up, if this is. Thing for you know what it is makes managing it easier as you can put systems in place. Also stops you mentally beating up yourself over it x

@Burnername101 You sound like a great boss. Hope mine is as understanding!

Thanks @MsMeNz, I'm reading up about it now and it ticks a lot of boxes. Overeating, not being able to manage time, not being able to maintain relationships or friendships etc. I hate going to the doctor but I think I might need to.

This has been such an eye opening post and responses! Very recently I realised I might have ADHD and this is how I feel about my working life. Thank you OP, I don't feel alone.

@dogmandu

have you been properly trained to do your jobs? Did you write down notes during training. I've trained many people over time in a high tech industry. I've noticed that the ones that phone me many times over the first few weeks to say, I've forgotten how to do this, or I'm stuck and don't know what to do next or other similar questions, turn out to be the best employees . I always recommended that if they wanted to they could come back after a few weeks for a follow up training because then they would probably have more questions than at the beginning when they were overwhelmed by a lot of new stuff.

This is interesting, I was discussing something similar with my boss recently. I asked a lot of questions (sometimes the same questions a few days apart!) when I started a new job fairly recently and found that people were generally very happy to help.

It can be hard starting a new job and you are not quite sure whether you are irritating your colleagues with a stream of questions, or you feel (not necessarily correctly!) that you should know how to do something. Also, stuff crops up all the time that you don't even know about never mind know how to deal with! We all learn differently, so if it helps to make notes as you go, do that - or for big tasks like the OP has, if you worry about bothering people too much compile a list of the tasks that you need instructions for and ask them once a week for the answers.

OP, I think it would improve your confidence if you sort out the tasks that you've put off - ask how to do them, take notes and then work through the tasks. Don't make any excuses, just apologise for the tasks being late and keep the notes for the next time the same/similar tasks crop up. You'll feel better about the job when the late tasks are not hanging over you but done and dusted. Then it's time to move forward and ask for help as and when you need it, as we all need help sometimes.

Thanks @AlbertBridge, I'll make a start on it as you've written it. I really am overthinking it. It gets so jumbled in my head and I get so much anxiety over it, so it's really helpful for someone to just write it all out like that. I am going to have to call it the mo fo list, though!

If it's any consolation, I'm very similar to you. I can only give advice because it's not me! But it could so easily be me.

I ended up going freelance because I was always so nervous in a full time job. Always always felt I was about to be, or should be, fired. It was really stressful. I was only good at jobs where I spent most of the time interacting with customers face to face (like behind a bar, or in a shop).

My freelance career has been great - I'm a writer - because it's short term work, different projects, tight deadlines, and you get loads of feedback straight away.

I read that people with ADHD work best under pressure. We (I say we because I'm convinced I've got this) need urgency in order to focus. So, ambulance staff, A&E doctors, live-TV presenters... Those kind of jobs. Where you don't have the luxury of faffing.

When we don't have deadlines like that, we tend to create our own by simply leaving everything to the last minute.

ADHD people also often take criticism - or perceived criticism- to heart more than NT people. We're super sensitive, and highly tuned towards how people see us. Which might explain your anxiety now.

I bet you're actually doing really well at work. You might not be organised but I would bet money that you're creative, adaptable, engaging, fun, friendly and very bright. Please don't forget those qualities while you're beating yourself up for not having android-level organisation powers.

Massive hug.