My 6 year old is crying about school

[ChildHatesSchool]

She’s year 2. Never really settled into Reception then covid hit. She hated home school as much as as she did real school, in the end her teacher asked us to focus on phonics, writing and maths work as she struggled so much, so we did school in the morning then fun in the afternoon.

She went back for a few weeks in 2020 but hated the bubbles and refused to go into the classroom and her teacher was banned from picking her up and putting her in so school withdrew her place. I know this made her worse as she was out of school for so long.

She went back for year 1 (new teacher) but her class had two periods of isolation so she got further behind. Then the second lockdown happened. She just crumbled with the second lockdown, she refused to pick up a pencil and do anything, no matter what I tried she refused, punishments didn’t work, encouragement from school and me didn’t work, even bribery didn’t work (I literally offered her £10 to buy toys or whatever she wanted if she tried to do some work and she refused).

Back for end of Year 1 and her class had 3 more periods of isolation.

Year 2 started (another new teacher) and everyday has been a battle to get her into school, screaming, crying, biting me, she’s hidden her uniform, hidden her shoes, she’s even deliberately wet herself on the way to school. We’ve been late by 5-10 minutes nearly every day. When asked why she just says she hates school and there’s no point trying because it’ll close again soon.

There have also been issues with the children who were in during lockdown, it isn’t all to do with DD, but those who were in during lockdown have progressed socially as normal and now tend to exclude those who weren’t in because they see them as babyish. She’s in a class of 25 and at one point in the second lot of school closures they had 18 in. We had to stop taking part in the zoom calls as DD would cry after them and start being violent because she could see all her friends in school but wasn’t allowed to see them or play with them and she didn’t understand.

I don’t recognise my child. She used to be so happy, would run into nursery without even looking back at me.

We’ve now got the Sunday night “I’m not going to school” crying, when asked specifically what she doesn’t like she says everything, it’s all too hard.

School estimate she’s around 2 years behind – her delay in settling into school (which apparently isn’t unusual) plus covid and the fact she’s had a new teacher every year but never been able to properly meet the teacher and see her new classroom. They think if it had just been a settling issue she’d have caught up by now. She hasn’t had any assessments as so many children need them now.

I am broken for her, I work and as a single parent I have no choice but to send her to school. I want to help her and make it better for her.

This isn’t a teacher bashing thread, in fact her teacher and headteacher have been fantastic, have tried everything they can to resettle her – friendship benches, lunchtime clubs, they even tried wraparound but it was just too much for her.

Any tips on helping her to like school again? She can’t read very well, and her writing is around the level of my 3 year old nephew, which really isn’t helping especially as the 18 who were in appear to be “on target” (I know this might just be DDs perception). I can’t go on like this.

@Morechocmorechoc

Sorry I have to go so nrtft but personally I would look for a school woth a year 1 space and move her down a year as she is behind socially and with the skills by the sound of it. She will struggle with work and friends so of course she hates it where she is. Let her start again.

@Morechocmorechoc I don't think she can move down a year without an EHCP can she?

I agree with deschooling, we have to be realistic in that school is not for everyone and thats ok. There are other routes.
Alot of measures such as half days, changing school , etc only work temporarily, and then when child hits early teens all hell breaks out and you really are in deep trouble, and very much on your own. You can only force something to work for so long, thats my experiance.
Have you looked at Not fine in School website, l found it very helpful.

@waterrat

Agree about 1 to 1 playdates closely monitored. When you say work alone do you mean at school ? I think if she is present and going in could the school be more tolerant for now? This is a child who is in many ways in need of reception stage entry to school with lots of play.

It is such a shame we are pushing overly formal learning in schools despite children suffering such social losses in the pandemic.

Given that most European countries don't even start formal learning til our year 3....we could really have taken a step back and allowed children to recover.

Is there a way to boost her social skills outside like at a good out of school activity...forest school or drama etc

@waterrat She does swimming and Dance outside of school. She loves the swimming, but not so keen on Dance. Will look into the others though as she might like them more.

School are fine about her being late and have stop calling meetings but have said their hands are tied and she has to be marked as late so it could get picked up by Education Welfare who may be less sympathetic apparently.

@waterrat

Agree about 1 to 1 playdates closely monitored. When you say work alone do you mean at school ? I think if she is present and going in could the school be more tolerant for now? This is a child who is in many ways in need of reception stage entry to school with lots of play.

It is such a shame we are pushing overly formal learning in schools despite children suffering such social losses in the pandemic.

Given that most European countries don't even start formal learning til our year 3....we could really have taken a step back and allowed children to recover.

Is there a way to boost her social skills outside like at a good out of school activity...forest school or drama etc

@waterrat as in independently, sorry realised I hadn't answered that question above.

Playdates are harder as even pre-covid she didn't have many. She got loads of weekend party invites so I don't think it's that she has no friends and when we went she'd join in and the other kids would invite her to play as well, but playdates didn't seem to be a thing. I didn't even know of many happening with others in the class.

If that’s the issue I would take the book away for a bit. It’s a very common problem!
These games can help:
Can she rhyme words? (what rhymes with cat?)
Can she say what sound simple words begin with (what does sat begin with?)
Can she say what they end with?
If you say ‘m -a -n’ to her can she make man? Can she do it if you go ‘mmmmaaaaannn’?
Can she take sounds away (if I say sat and take away with the ‘s’ what is left?)
It might make it less stressful if it’s a game as you walk anyway?
I know she might just be completely put off and refuse to try this! It would be easier for your poor DD if she could repeat a year rather than do three year’s of catch up in one.

Sorry op this sounds incredibly difficult. I think i might change schools in this situation to be honest.

But failing that could you make reduced hours work? To try to get her in at all, to start with.

To help with academics have you got a tablet? 'Teach your monster to read' is really good. And hairy phonics. Try a little bit of something every day, five minute mum (Instagram /Facebook /actual books) and phonics family (Instagram / Facebook) are good.

To help with social, are there any clubs she could do outside school? Thinking about rainbows maybe?

@Indecisivelurcher

Sorry op this sounds incredibly difficult. I think i might change schools in this situation to be honest.

But failing that could you make reduced hours work? To try to get her in at all, to start with.

To help with academics have you got a tablet? 'Teach your monster to read' is really good. And hairy phonics. Try a little bit of something every day, five minute mum (Instagram /Facebook /actual books) and phonics family (Instagram / Facebook) are good.

To help with social, are there any clubs she could do outside school? Thinking about rainbows maybe?

For some reason it won't let me tag you.

I already work reduced hours due to her not liking wraparound, I literally cannot reduce anymore and I have no help whatsoever in the week. My work are pretty understanding though so if I am a few minutes late due to her going late to school they do let me make the time up at the end of the day.

DD has her own ipad I didn't buy it ExH did trying to be dad of the year so will look at those apps thank you.

She does swimming and dance out of school. She loves the swimming but not so keen on Dance. She didn't like Rainbows, and found Beavers too boy heavy and focused. Someone above suggested Forest School or Drama though so will look into those.

@Rjw84

If that’s the issue I would take the book away for a bit. It’s a very common problem! These games can help: Can she rhyme words? (what rhymes with cat?) Can she say what sound simple words begin with (what does sat begin with?) Can she say what they end with? If you say ‘m -a -n’ to her can she make man? Can she do it if you go ‘mmmmaaaaannn’? Can she take sounds away (if I say sat and take away with the ‘s’ what is left?) It might make it less stressful if it’s a game as you walk anyway? I know she might just be completely put off and refuse to try this! It would be easier for your poor DD if she could repeat a year rather than do three year’s of catch up in one.

@Rjw84 Will try some of those tomorrow thank you.

Hi, would the school consider allowing you to flexi school, so she is in school some of the week and you home school the other days taking pressure of being in school and her feeling stressed as it’s too hard?
You mentioned she does not like playdoh but would she happily roll it and squeeze it in hands ? You could try something called dough disco, this is where you dance to music while rolling the playdoh and will help strengthen her fingers .

Developmental issues?

@Apple40

Hi, would the school consider allowing you to flexi school, so she is in school some of the week and you home school the other days taking pressure of being in school and her feeling stressed as it’s too hard? You mentioned she does not like playdoh but would she happily roll it and squeeze it in hands ? You could try something called dough disco, this is where you dance to music while rolling the playdoh and will help strengthen her fingers .

@Apple40 she doesn't even like to touch it, she's the same when we make bread at home won't touch it. We do cook and bake but mainly she uses a spoon, she does enjoy that though.

You're right, sorry I didn't realise. Is that an option considering they effectively kicked her out at one point and with the struggles you mention?