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Original poster

Do your teenagers like you?

37 replies

Matbest · 08/01/2022 18:13

If so, what are you doing right?!
I am a few years off teen years but I have been in a few conversations this week about teen children not wanting to be around their parents. Is this what I have to look forward to, or do teenagers get on with their parents really, for the most part?

OP posts:
CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 08/01/2022 18:15

I think so. I'll WhatsApp them and ask Grin

camperqueen54 · 08/01/2022 18:17

Yes they tell me they do and they say their friends like me to. They still like to spend most time with friends though. That's being a normal teen.

MadMadMadamMim · 08/01/2022 18:17

@CiaoForDiNiaoSaur Grin

I think so, too. I've got a 17 yo arsehole, but he could be worse. I irritate him a lot, but that's normal. He did say over the summer You're a good mum. I don't tell you that often, but you are which left me quite touched.

SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 18:17

Sometimes Grin I’m here to keep them safe not be their friend.

MadMadMadamMim · 08/01/2022 18:19

Oh, they don't want to be with you! Not physically. They want to be in their bedrooms either shouting at their friends over the Xbox or silently scrolling through their phones with AirPods in...

Jessie75 · 08/01/2022 18:21

The years between nine months and 11 years to be absolutely cherished they fly by so quickly and whilst you’re teenagers do come back through the other side of it at around about 18-ish, The teenage years are hard

autumnboys · 08/01/2022 18:27

I think so. They send me a lot of memes and enjoy telling me about their days. We have had our tricky times with them of course, but I tried to value connection and correction equally. They certainly tell me a lot more than I told my Mum (and I told her a lot).

NewYearNewKale · 08/01/2022 18:28

Probably not that much and certainly not all the time.

IHateCoronavirus · 08/01/2022 18:37

Just ask my three teens 13-16.5 and their answer was “yes”.

Eldest said “you always seemed to just know what we needed” (I’m making pasta at the mo, that might have something to do with it).

Youngest said I’m a good listener, the middle teen said “you give off loving vibes”.

I should declare I also have fab kids, so they make it very easy. Goodness knows what the proper youngest (6) will turn out like, he’s been spoilt rotten by the older three!

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 08/01/2022 18:38

DS2 (15) replied "yes" but gave no reason.

Gregsprinkles · 08/01/2022 18:41

Yes DS (15) likes me a lot and we spend a fair amount of time together. He hasn't hit a difficult stage yet though, and he's pretty easy going. That could all change!

Marmelace · 08/01/2022 18:42

Depends on the positions of the planets 😆

iklboo · 08/01/2022 18:42

Yes, he does. And so do his friends, for some unknown reason. He comes & watches TV / films with us, we have family games night. Other times he's in his room bellowing to his mates who must live on Alpha Centauri given the volume he shouts at.

All I can think of is we give him space when he needs / wants it, ask his opinion on some things and wake him up gently 😄.

MrsMadderRose · 08/01/2022 18:43

I don't think not wanting to be around you means they don't like you - they may just have things they prefer to be doing. Of course some teens don't like their parents - I didn't, they were awful! But they do need their own space, or to have it as an option.

My teen spends a lot of time in his room, reading, doing his hobbies, homework, chatting to friends. He will tell me if he wants to be alone or doesn't want to be bothered, which is totally reasonable IMO. But he often likes to catch up later in the evening, watch TV with me and have a chat before bed.

You do have to let them have their freedom and privacy and not be badgering them to spend time with you / as a family, especially older teens. But be there for them when they need support or want to talk. It's a balancing act.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 08/01/2022 18:44

Mine do. I think I have a good relationship with them.
I don’t know if I’ve intentionally done anything right but we’re all quite easy going, I’ve never punished them and made sure they get regular exercise and get out a bit. Focuses their angst elsewhere.

Clarissa76 · 08/01/2022 18:44

Yes, we have a lovely relationship. They don’t want to hang out with me ALL the time though, which is normal.

I think adults sometimes fail to make enough effort with teens. We accept that when they’re little we need to adapt what we do to appeal to them but as soon as they hit the teen years we stop, and then ask ourselves why our teens don’t want to hang out with us as we sit on the sofa watching Newsnight (or whatever it is you like and your teen doesn’t). Sounds obvious but I think it helps to make an effort to do things together that your teenager enjoys- movie night or whatever. Also to take their feelings seriously even when they don’t seem that serious. Also to accept that, as well as your teen thinking you’re wrong a lot, sometimes you will actually be wrong.

MrsMadderRose · 08/01/2022 18:49

Also to accept that, as well as your teen thinking you’re wrong a lot, sometimes you will actually be wrong.

So true. My teen thinks he knows everything like many of them do, and we have arguments when he's trying to tell me everything I'm doing wrong. But sometimes he has a point, and I think being able to listen to them and agree when they are right, is important.

GrealishHairband · 08/01/2022 18:56

Yes I think so, she seems to voluntarily spend time with me and her dad and we laugh and have an easy relationship. She tells us a lot, although I don’t doubt there’s stuff she keeps to herself. I think she values our opinion and will ask advice and for help with stuff like uni applications. Don’t get me wrong she’s still a teenager and there’s been some humdingers of rows, her bedroom is a shit pit and she doesn’t half talk bollocks sometimes which you need to call her on.

We’ve done nothing special to make our relationship this way. We apologise when we get it wrong - which we do of course - but equally hold her to account when she does. She knows where she stands with us.

I suppose it does help that I have the musical and tv tastes of a teenager at times so will happily give up my summer to watch Love Island or binge One Tree Hill with her when she discovers it for the first time.

Mapletreelane · 08/01/2022 18:56

There's a really good documentary about this and what to expect from the teen years. It's by a team called Enfield anf Burke, and follows the life of two teens, Kevin and Perry. 🤣

In all seriousness, sometimes me just breathing irritates them. I'm finding things that help are respecting their boundaries and privacy and finding /doing things in common,.especially film and TV. Try and think back too to your teenage years and how you wanted to interact with your parents.

Original poster
Matbest · 08/01/2022 21:42

So much good advice on here, thank you. You have given me hope. My teen years weren't very pleasant and my parents were very mentally unwell and quite absent during that time - I gave up and left home at 16. So it's hard to really imagine a positive environment, as I haven't really had even a healthy one modelled. But my sister has always had a really positive relationship with her (now adult) sons and I am determined to break the chain too.

OP posts:
Fleetheart · 08/01/2022 21:46

Well they say they do, but one of them at least acts like they don’t. It has been a hard time in our house.

IncessantNameChanger · 08/01/2022 21:52

Its important to listen before they hit teen years. Listen to the crap and waffle. If they are upset about a stupid online game or about American politics. I tried to listen and take it all in. Then they know your interested. It can be hard. But we have been to the Natural history museum all day with ds who is 14. So he is still hanging out with us thank god

FindingMeno · 08/01/2022 21:53

Yes, and their friends.
I don't get shocked easily by teenage antics, don't judge, and try to work on the basis of steering towards good choices rather than punishing for bad choices.
I do, however, have lovely teens, so I'm lucky, and really enjoy their company and conversation.

justforthis21 · 08/01/2022 22:03

Mine are just out of the teen years now but yes they liked both of us right through the teen years. We had out ups and downs but basically it was fine.

But like pp said, they spent most of their time with friends or in their rooms - that isn't an indictment of your relationship, it is how a lot of teens are. We found having a sense of humour, not insisting on stuff just for the sake of it, and being respectful of them as we expected them to be respectful of us helped. Also playing games like Cards against Humanity helped too :)

one thing I tried to do was if we had dinner and the 3 teens started chatting, dh and I would go and sit in the living room and leave them at it. They didn't always need us there but liked being with each other too.

CatsArePeople · 08/01/2022 22:35

They don't like to hang out with me, not even if it involves shopping. However, in the evenings we eat sunflower seeds and watch somewhat age inappropriate tv. Just finished Squid Game. Next we'll watch Fear the Walking Dead.