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Original poster

What’s it like to fall in love in your forties?!

40 replies

Whatayear81 · 08/01/2022 08:26

8 years divorced. 47 years old.

Dipped toes in on line dating and it’s been pleasant so far…. Nice men, nice chats, no inappropriate messages from them or, god forbid, a d*¥k pic!, but I’ve not been inclined to go for any second dates.

However am I imagining that a relationship in early stages is going to feel the same as when I was last fell in love in my twenties! Ie full on butterflies, counting down days, minutes, seconds until back together etc

Or does falling in love in your forties and beyond feel more…. Sensible?!

OP posts:
AuntieMarys · 08/01/2022 08:36

I fell in love in my 50s and it was magical! We had a long distance relationship for 3 years, meeting every month. Daily calls, letters, postcards....planning our times together.
We are now in our 60s, married and have so much fun. Determined to make the best of every day.....we are direct and open with each other.

Original poster
Whatayear81 · 08/01/2022 08:38

Oh that’s lovely!!

How did you meet?

OP posts:
CJat10 · 08/01/2022 08:40

Agree magical. We went to Paris for the weekend for our second date. Every weekend was special. Also long distance relationship and every weekend was a weekend away having fun. New holidays shared, new places to visit..we messaged a lot and I felt adored. I married him and we have been together 11 years

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Original poster
Whatayear81 · 08/01/2022 08:42

This is really heartening

Would love to know how you met

OP posts:
AllTheSunshine · 08/01/2022 08:44

I'm late 50s. It's amazing!
It does remind me of being a teenager though - but with the benefit of life experience to tame that a bit.

CJat10 · 08/01/2022 08:44

We met online in a similar interest group...one thing I would say is that although I'm describing it as magical I never really committed. Every weekend could have been the last as I held back (previous bad experiences ). I often travelled to London to meet him to end it...,had an amazing weekend and came home happy. The mid week of real life felt so different I couldn't see a future so I decided to end it on the next weekend. Repeat!

The fact they were so great kept me going and we gradually moved from honeymoon to moving in (big adjustment) but aimed to always keep the fun in life

AllTheSunshine · 08/01/2022 08:46

In answer to your 'more sensible' question - maybe a little bit but generally no.

PermanentTemporary · 08/01/2022 08:49

I fell in love last year and I would say that for me it has felt a bit different, but also that I aimed to make life a bit different! In the past I was either engaged or pregnant within a few weeks and there were lots of not very healthy reasons for that (not saying it was all bad or that those are inevitably unhealthy things).

This time I'm just - in a relationship. Seeing someone. Someone lovely, delicious, competent and gorgeous who adores me. We met online im afraid so nothing original to offer there but for us it's just worked, for over a year now.it has really made a difference to prioritise sex for me - never done that before and OMG life is better.

PermanentTemporary · 08/01/2022 08:51

Oh I'm 52!

goodthinking99 · 08/01/2022 09:02

Interesting question OP, I fell in love again after OLD aged 46. It's been a slower burn, not as frantic as earlier relationships perhaps, but absolutely the best thing ever. We really look out for each other, have a lot of fun, and share life's burden's together. I think we're more respectful of each other's space and feelings than we would be if we were younger which helps. I used to think that because there wasn't much drama that our bond wasn't strong enough, but we've (finally, after 8 years!) moved in together and I can't imagine being anywhere else. There is a deep seated contentment and we're looking forward to many happy years together.

AMomentOfTruth · 08/01/2022 09:05

Changed name for this as hardly anyone knows in real life. I have just fallen in love with the most marvellous man. I'm 61 and he's several years older. We are like giddy teenagers and it's wonderful!

AuntieMarys · 08/01/2022 09:06

We met through a shared passion on Twitter. Started chatting.
I'm impressed with a 2nd date in Paris!!!!
There's no bullshit as you get older...no game playing, sulking, " I'm washing my hair" stuff. And realising that time is passing....making the most of life and putting yourselves first.

Frollop · 08/01/2022 09:08

Some lovely stories here...gives me hope x

Original poster
Whatayear81 · 08/01/2022 09:09

Sorry personal question now

What’s…. Sex like? On HRT

Sorry to ask!

OP posts:
Changemaname1 · 08/01/2022 09:09

I’d imagine it’s the same feelings if the person is right for you !

I certainly get the same excited /butterflies etc etc in my 30s as I did at 20 Smile

PermanentTemporary · 08/01/2022 09:14

Im not on HRT but I do use lube, not for medical reasons but I just enjoy every touch far more if I use it! Wish I'd started using it years ago. Men love the thought of women getting wet but some are less enthralled by doing the things it takes to make it happen (not my bf...)

PixelatedLunchbox · 08/01/2022 09:15

We met in our 40's (online) and in our 50's now and it's still magical.

Sex is great with HRT but even with HRT if you have vaginal dryness get some vagifem (super low dose oestrogen suppository for localised treatment). Also use a good lube (we like the Durex naturals intimate gel).

DrNo007 · 08/01/2022 09:16

DH and I got together when I was 58 and he was a few years older. It is wonderful. The difference from when I was younger is that now I can better appreciate the qualities that really matter. Re how we met, we had known each other as friends and colleagues for years but were with other people and never thought of each other in the romantic sense. When we both became available that changed and we were in love in a very short time.

Scottishflower65 · 08/01/2022 09:28

I did and been very happily married for 7 years now. Mostly just the same feelings / magic as when younger although more cautious re sensible matters such as finances. Knew each other as close colleagues so already had a lot of mutual respect. Post menopause, and HRT, all working well. Intimacy is the best ever 😉.

Holdingoutforhope · 08/01/2022 09:32

Had relationships but never been in love until late 40s. When it happened it felt amazing.

It is unrequited and now causing me despair and unhappiness.

Fcuk38 · 08/01/2022 09:34

For me it was more instant I knew after only a few dates. But I suppose that’s the benefit of life experience and having your shit together.

PermanentTemporary · 08/01/2022 09:43

@AMomentOfTruth how very lovely Smile

I agree about the lack of drama. I absolutely love that.

CluelessAt50 · 08/01/2022 09:44

I'm 51, he's 37, met on a FB hook up site in August cos neither of us were looking for a relationship. Inseparable now, I've never felt so loved & in love. Butterflies, loss of appetite, 'no you hang up first' phonecalls, want to rip each other's clothes off all of the time, sit gazing at each other.... it's pathetic 😂 I'm so happy I get tears in my eyes when I think about it.

halfthesun · 08/01/2022 09:56

Met N on Tinder ... one year on and it is wonderful! Did take a lot of searching as absolutely refused to simply settle. Fell in love with him quickly .... I am 49 and N is 50 Smile

Original poster
Whatayear81 · 08/01/2022 11:34

Thank you all
Lovely stories

How have you balanced with children? Mine are early teen.
No WAY would I have anyone move in until they have left home. And I couldn’t imagine ever introducing anyone to them before it was very very serious

OP posts: