Newborn won’t settle in crib at all - please help!

[NessyT91]

FTM here. My daughter is 5 days old and will not settle down to sleep unless she’s being held. She immediately gets distressed when we transfer her to the bedside crib.
Is this normal? I am completely exhausted by it and recovering from an emergency c-section. Hoping that this is just a phase and it will get easier. Any positive experiences and advice would be gratefully accepted.

it's totally normal but it doesn't mean it isn't hard! She's so so tiny... not sure there's much to be done except try and ride it out - will she let your DP hold her? Poor you.

Im sorry to say it is entirely normal. Baby has come from being cocooned inside you for 9 months to being in a new scary environment. Baby just wants to be close to you. Would you consider cosleeping? I am with my 6 week old and we are getting so much more sleep. I can understand being nervous though as I was with my first too

This is totally normal. How about a wrap sling for during the day?

I found it helped to build up to the crib (we used a next2me). So when she was asleep on me I started with a breastfeeding pillow so she slept on my lap but not held. Then put her next to me on the bed. Then in the crib. She also didn’t like the dark for a while. Feeling your pain though, it’s so tough not being able to put your baby down.

Put a hot water bottle in the crib , when you are putting her down move really slowly but whip the hot water bottle out quick and wrap her up tight . Fingers crossed she won't notice she isn't being held then as she will still be warm and cosy 😀

Yes, normal. I used to swaddle all my babies (it works - until they're old enough to wriggle free).

It's called the 4th trimester and is biologically normal for babies to want to be held all the time. It's draining but it will pass!

Congratulations on your baby! Day 5 is tough, you're doing a great job.

As PP say, this is normal and you have a range of choices. If you want to try co-sleeping, do check the guidance on doing so safely. My newborn was the same, and I didn't feel comfortable co-sleeping. What worked for us was swaddling, though mine preferred to have their arms free rather than being a full baby burrito. The other thing we did for the first few weeks was use the pram carrycot (check, not all are suitable for overnight sleeping) as it was more narrow than the bedside crib. This seemed to help things feel more cosy and I think the fact they could touch both sides with their hands reduced the startle of having space all around.

Do ask others to help when/if you can so that you get as much rest as possible. Even a couple of hours of unbroken sleep whilst someone else holds the baby can really help.

@pocketfullofstorms

It's called the 4th trimester and is biologically normal for babies to want to be held all the time. It's draining but it will pass!

I came on to write this! Google this and the newborn Ten Commandments.

I remember feeling panicked. My NDN used to come in to hold the baby so I could shower!

I used to put my nightie in the crib too, so there was my smell to comfort them a bit.

It's all a phase, it won't last forever.
Enjoy the cuddles... the newborn phase is so short! Congratulations!

I had exactly this with my first daughter. One night I was so exhausted I brought her downstairs so my husband could sleep (so I could go back to bed later!) and put her in her pram/carry cot. She fell asleep instantly. I think the crib was too 'open' and preferred the more cocooned pram. She slept in that every night from then on until she outgrew it. As another PP has said, check it's safe to do this though. Best of luck!

Many congrats on your baby OP. Absolutely normal, my two would never settle in their Moses baskets or swinging cribs. They were ebf so we co slept.

Yes, normal. My first son slept on my chest with me until he was 3 months old

I was also going to suggest a hot water bottle (I had 2 winter babies) - wrap the bottle in a blanket or similar first, so that it doesn't make the crib sheet really hot. You just want to warm the bedding a bit. I found putting the baby back into a warm crib made it far more likely that he would stay asleep

I could have written this, we're on day 4. It's brutal, so so brutal. You have to tag team, sleep when you can and we found last night white noise helped. We're going to try that again tonight but fully aware it was likely a one off. I'm with you in solidarity, you are not alone! I'm sure I'll be online all hours of the morning so if you want company let me know

Yes totally normal. It went on for 8 weeks for us unfortunately. You and your DH/DP need to take it in turns to sleep in shifts.

Very normal!

In the early days, we mainly took shifts to hold her as she slept. We'd move her to the crib deep asleep and sometimes she would stay and we built up from there. By 1 month she was in there most of the night. At 2 months now she also does crib naps. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Rather than a hot water bottle, I'd suggest getting an electric heating pad as it's easier to use with each sleep cycle. I also recommend looking up the 5 S's of baby sleep by Dr Karp- this massively helped us.

Definitely normal! DH and I had to sleep

Google 4th trimester.

It's gets easier I promise!

Oops accidentally posted too soon!

DH and I slept in shifts for the first couple of weeks so we both got some actual sleep. I then ended up cosleeping for another couple of weeks, and then suddenly at about 5 weeks DS decided he would actually agree to sleep in the next to me 🤷🏼‍♀️ still likes to nap on me during the day but will also sometimes tolerate a swinging chair too for night time, he used to use one of the Love to Dream swaddle bags which seemed to help.

Just wanted to offer some hope that it won't last forever, although it feels that way at the beginning. You will get through it

Entirely normal I tried all the tricks hot water bottle, t-shirt you've worn, rolled up towel under the sheet basically anything that's ever been recommended on here I've given it a go. DS is now 7 months and practically laughs (cries) in my face at my attempts to confine him to his own bed. I've even tried the Ferber method and whilst I can sometimes get him to go to sleep in his cot it never lasts. Luckily I've a superking bed and I've resigned myself to an interloper for the time being (I EBF and follow safe cosleep guidance).
DD was a different kettle of fish though and would happily self settle in her snuzpod from 8 weeks and is a fabulous sleeper still never having experienced a single sleep regression.
Good luck you'll find a way to muddle through we all do.

If you don't swaddle (which we found great with our first, but our second hated it) try lifting their arm and dropping it. If you can do that 3 times without the baby stirring they are in a deep enough sleep for transfer. That was usually at about the 10m mark with ours, and if we waited too long, she'd be at a lighter part of her cycle again.

Oh, and warm the crib, and put something slightly weighted (like a wheat cushion) on them for about 5 minutes after transfer and gently remove it.

We're on night 17 and exactly the same, DH and I are sleeping in shifts, him around 8.30pm till 2-3am, then I sleep till maybe 9am, but being woken for feeding DS. Its really hard!!

DC1 slept on my chest for the first 3 months. It's pretty cosy inside so it takes some getting used to for them. I've never been so sleep deprived, but we did it as safely as possible. And DH shipped out some nights.

My next baby was perfectly happy in the Moses basket and hated co-sleeping. Just so you know they're not all like that.

The fourth trimester!

The fourth trimester.

Baby has been curled up, nicely rocked about and moving in tummy, then suddenly we expect them to lie on a totally flat, still and cold mattress.

For the first few days I had dd propped in the crook of my arm on a v pillow.
Then we had a Co sleeper cot, so I could fully relax and sleep without fear of crushing baby and baby was happy right next to mum.

Baby then gradually became accustomed to sleeping in different places but it's going to be gradual.