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Original poster

What would you do

28 replies

Donut22 · 07/01/2022 17:20

Hello all, I'm looking for advice/realisitc views please.
I've been bidding on social housing for 8years, I currently share a room with my two girls 8 and 6, my son has he's own room he's 14.
I'm no where near to getting a property in my area if I move 20mins away I will be 1st so hopefully can get it after 8 years.
My issue is my 14yr old he's adamant he's not moving schools it's a difficult age and I fully understand that but I don't wanna live in this tiny flat sharing a room for the next our many years....
What would you do?
He's a very very shy boy hence moving will be very difficult for him. I'm so lost 😞

OP posts:
TeenPlusCat · 07/01/2022 17:25

20mins doesn't sound very far. Is it out of the question to move and him stay at the same school? If he is y10 he really shouldn't move schools. If he is only y9 it's not ideal but I think for your girls it sounds like moving would on balance be better.

Idontevenknow · 07/01/2022 17:26

That's easy for him to say in his own. What do your daughters say? I assume they woukd want to move. Why does your son trump you 3?

Lilly11a · 07/01/2022 17:29

No chance of a sofa bed in the lounge. Then offer son choice of pull out bed ( and you get the smaller bedroom girls get the larger ) or move .
He ll want to move then

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14 year olds
LIZS · 07/01/2022 17:30

How far or awkward a journey is it to his existing school? Many kids travel up to an hour to secondary.

Chloemol · 07/01/2022 17:34

If you are only moving 20 minutes away why does he have to move schools? Is there public transport? Can you take him, pick up

Could he cycle

Allinadayswork80 · 07/01/2022 17:34

20mins isn’t too far - can’t he stay at his current school and travel in/out? It would be better in the long run for you and your girls to have a decent sized living space and bedrooms. Good luck

Original poster
Donut22 · 07/01/2022 20:22

It's 20mins by car, that's a lot of extra petrol for me I'm on a tight budget has it is, plus extra rent, he wouldn't be able to ride his bike. Just seems like so much more stress for an extra room but I would be so much happier where has my son won't 😔

OP posts:
Hastina · 07/01/2022 20:25

I'd move. He's 14 and this is best for the family. I'd let him get the bus if he is adamant.

Original poster
Donut22 · 07/01/2022 20:26

What if my car stops working it's an 11plate car so old, I'm a lone parent no savings just getting by :(

OP posts:
Fallagain · 07/01/2022 20:29

You really can’t move him if he is in year 10.

itsgettingweird · 07/01/2022 20:32

He can use public transport to get to school.

If not I agree he gets pull out bed in lounge.

Or all kids get biggest room and you out a stud wall up.

It's not ideal but you either need to move house or move around in the one you're on.

Rebecca299 · 07/01/2022 20:34

You need to do what's right for the full family. I'd say move he can try public transport and if it doesn't work move schools. Xx

fourplusfour · 07/01/2022 20:43

I would move. As pp have said, is there no public transport so he can stay at his current school? We live about 13 mike's from DD's school and she takes two buses each way.

TeenPlusCat · 08/01/2022 06:58

An 11 plate isn't that old these days cars last well (mine is an 11), though of course it depends on lots of things.
What is the bus route like?
What year group is he?

Ozgirl75 · 08/01/2022 07:53

I would look carefully at public transport. I live in Sydney and plenty of people travel convoluted routes of 30-50 minutes or more to get to school.

onedayoranother · 08/01/2022 08:30

My daughter has an hour long journey to school (she's 16). Not ideal but no way could I afford to live where her school is. We're in London and there are loads of kids taking public transport to school.
If there is not transport available is there a car share maybe? I'd ask the school if there are any parents that live near your possible new area. Our old school asked me to help out a family who didn't drive.
it is a tricky time to move schools if he's in Y10 now, if in Y9 not so bad.

Peridot1 · 08/01/2022 08:36

I would move but try to keep him at his current school. But make it clear to him that it’s his choice to stay at the school so he can’t moan about the journey.

And then look at all of the journey options. It’s a 20 minute drive. How long would it be and how could he get there by public transport? Could you drive him ten minutes to catch a bus or train?

Look at all the options.

Also factor in getting your other children to the school in the new area whilst potentially getting your DS to school.

It is a hard time to move them. What year is he in? How long till GSCEs? What’s he likely to do then? Sixth form college? Is there one in the new area?

FindingMeno · 08/01/2022 08:37

2 more years till he's 16 then something has to change.
In the meantime, you have a pull out bed in the living room, since you're most likely not to be lazing around most of the day and stewing around dirty clothes.

catchingzzzeds · 08/01/2022 08:42

I wouldn't consider my DS moving schools at that age an option at all. I think it's totally unfair to ask him to do it.
There must be public transport options to get him to school, could you drive him halfway and drop him at a train/bus station?

llansanan · 08/01/2022 09:21

Look at public transport options, to avoid moving school.

SpookyScarySkeletons · 08/01/2022 09:42

Look at public transport. My DD is 12 and gets the bus every day. It can be an hours journey depending on busses not turning up or being late.

She goes to a much better school than our local one and it's about 20mins by car.

Idontevenknow · 08/01/2022 11:32

Sorry when I posted my first comment I didn't see the bit about having to move school which does make things more difficult.

In your position I would move and try to find a way to keep him at his old school. Or if you decide not to move, you sleep on a pull out bed in the lounge. It's not sustainable sharing a room with your two girls for much longer.

TheChosenTwo · 08/01/2022 11:42

No advice really here Op but just to say it sounds like you’re doing your best in the circumstances.
Money sounds incredibly tight and I know there has been advice such as drive him halfway then get transport the rest of the way etc but this all has to be financially accounted for too and it doesn’t sound like you’re in the position to do it.
You say he’s incredibly shy, does he have friends at his current school?
I don’t know what the right answer is unfortunately, taking money out of the equation I think it would be the right thing to do for the 3 of you girls to get out of sharing the same room, it’s not great for any of you long term. But I can empathise with your son’s fears too.
Can you speak to the school and ask to speak to a family support worker or similar to find out if they can help with the transport situation? They might not be able to but it might trigger other support.
Sending you Flowers because it sounds bloody tricky and you’re going through this on your own and being a parent is just not easy sometimes.

NoSquirrels · 08/01/2022 11:48

What’s the public transport situation?

Where will your younger ones go to school - would they move to local schools?

Is there any possibility of splitting rooms/putting up a divider?

Post-16 I would definitely move. At 14 it’s trickier.

Original poster
Donut22 · 08/01/2022 21:44

Thank you all for your replies,
So public transport looks long, quickest I've found is 1hr 40mins, making him travel that far just doesn't sit right for me.
If I moved I really wanted to move my girls but they would have to stay where they are if I was taking my son to school wouldn't have time to drop him at school then back again to a different school.
He has a few friends at school he's very shy won't say a word literally to anyone I'm really debating taking him docs about it to be honest.
I don't know what to do. I just don't wanna be stuck in this flat 4ever. I've been single 4 3years now don't see point in dating while sharing a room with my girls. Pull out sofa isn't really an option.

OP posts:
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