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Original poster

How did your parents and inlaws react when you told them you were pregnant? *TW

48 replies

Moretears · 07/01/2022 15:59

My story: after many years of infertility with multiple surgeries, multiple rounds of IVF and miscarriages we finally found out we are pregnant, and there is a heartbeat . We are moving abroad in a couple of weeks so timing isn't great, but we have been trying for years so we've learned that in our case we couldn't hold off making lifestyle choices whilst we try for a baby.

Anyway, we just told the inlaws, and MIL burst into tears, saying she is "devastated" as she has longed for a grandchild and now she won't get one.

Has anyone else had a negative reaction to pregnancy from their parents or inlaws? Please tell me I'm not alone in this one!

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 07/01/2022 16:04

Huge congrats to you, hope it goes well

My parents were understatedly pleased for us

My MIL went in to overdrive, called DH at 5am the next day saying she was so excited she couldn’t sleep and she had planned all her visits, including a visit for 2 weeks post-birth to help out and for a month when I went back to work almost 2 years later (no thanks)

AlternativePerspective · 07/01/2022 16:04

Slightly different but my mum told me she had a massive argument with her dad when they moved abroad because he said they were taking his grandchild away. It was my sister who was then 3. She was already pregnant with me but they obviously already had a relationship with my sister at that point.

She said that it wasn’t until we had children that she realised how he must have felt.

Will this be the first grandchild?

TBH while it all seems a bit emotional, I think that it’s understandable to a degree that she is upset that she won’t actually get to see much of this child growing up. But as time goes on she is likely to come round assuming you have a positive relationship with her.

notacooldad · 07/01/2022 16:10

Both sides of the family were happy for us.

Interested in this thread?

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1st trimester Families General pregnancy

VanLife · 07/01/2022 16:12

I guess she's upset because your moving away and she won't see your baby

BrandNewFor2022 · 07/01/2022 16:14

Hmm I don't think what you had was a negative reaction to you being pregnant. It was a reaction to the circumstances in which your MIL assumes she won't get to be very involved in her DGC life as you'll be abroad?

My DP were thrilled when I was pregnant (their first GC). MIL happy but she already had 4 so she'd done it all before so to speak. However, my DP were happy because were in the same town as them and they knew that they'd see plenty of my child.

QueenLagertha · 07/01/2022 16:15

Surely you can understand why she is upset?

LadyDanburysHat · 07/01/2022 16:17

Congratulations to you.

My FIL asked if we were getting married. Felt the need to check is was in fact 2003 and not 1963. Then on discovering I was only 7 weeks, oh well you're not very pregnant then. Not sure what was meant by that.

mindutopia · 07/01/2022 16:18

MIL was happy and pleased for us. My mum said, 'was this planned? Are you okay?' It was very much planned. I was a 32 year old married woman with a professional career and a happy relationship with lovely supportive dh. She was happy about actually having a grandchild, but spent the next 5 years telling me how we shouldn't have a second because it would be so hard and we wouldn't cope. We'd always coped just fine. It was just her own anxiety about parenting coming through. We are NC now for other reasons.

maddy68 · 07/01/2022 16:19

My mil announced ..."is that good news , you' ve trapped him now

We grew to really love each other honestly but that comment took "time"

Original poster

Moretears · 07/01/2022 16:22

@ShirleyPhallus thanks! Trying to be positive for this one; it's really hard not to be terrified with our history. I think your story is sweet compared to mine!

@AlternativePerspective It will be the first grandchild, I understand she's upset that her experience isn't going to be what she hoped for. I hope given some time she can be happy for us and we certainly will try to include her if she lets us.

I guess I'm upset because I've spent the last 4 years grinning and saying congratulations to dozens of my friends, family and colleagues when they got pregnant and I couldn't, or I'd had another MC. I found that so hard. But I never wanted to rain on anyone's parade; it's their good news and it's about them not me so I smiled and said "fantastic" and then quietly cried when I get home. Sometimes it's not appropriate to vent your own feelings and I wish she'd tried a little harder to think about us.

OP posts:

GrimDamnFanjo · 07/01/2022 16:25

Mine weren't pleased as I think they hoped we'd split up before a pregnancy.
All good once baby arrived but it really spoilt things for me.

fuckyourpronouns · 07/01/2022 16:26

Congratulations @Moretears ❤️. I didn't take your mils reaction to be negative either - it sounds like she is absolutely elated for you and this baby will be a very much loved and wanted grandchild and she is grieving for the fact that now that you have fallen pregnant it's at a time when you're moving away and she won't have that ability to see you all as often. She's disappointed and sad.

When I told family I was pregnant with my first, My mil said "oh. Are you happy about it?" And my FIL said "oh god. What did you do that for. Im too young to have grandkids". My BIL said "oh. Oh right. I don't know what to say". Congratulations is the word your looking for 🤬🙄

I had lots of congratulations and happy tears from my side.

Pregnancy is rough. Try not to read too much on here either because before you know it your mil will be a bitch and you should be NC with everyone in the family. Take it with a pinch of salt.

Dspx · 07/01/2022 16:27

I get it, it's hard when you don't get the reaction you wanted. Give them time I'm sure she wasn't thinking and said what she was worried about you moving away. When we told my father in law he asked us if we were pregnant for real this time after we suffered a loss before he didn't even realise what he had said x

EileenGC · 07/01/2022 16:27

Not me, but my mum's mum reacted with 'oh poor you, that's really unfortunate. What will you do now'. She was a 28 year old woman with a house, a husband, a job, and had been trying to get pregnant, so not really sure what the misfortune was...

People sometimes don't react appropriately, or don't know how to control their thoughts and emotions. It might be that she's just very disappointed she won't see the baby as regularly as she thought. Or it could be that she just didn't think things through. Either way, don't let her ruin on your parade. Congratulations

SnowyBerries · 07/01/2022 16:31

She's probably sad at you and her future grandchild moving abroad. My parents and inlaws were pleased. My MIL is the other side of the world, so I'm sure she was sad to only see us from time to time.

Justcallmebebes · 07/01/2022 16:32

I can see where your MIL is coming from. I grew up abroad as a child and it's only now I have grandkids myself I can see how heart-breaking that must have ben for my maternal grandmother (my paternal grandmother had several grandchildren so not so bad for her). She never said anything though that I know of

When my first GC was born, her parents lived with me for a couple of months and when they moved out I cried for a week and they only moved 10 minutes down the road so I do get it

Original poster

Moretears · 07/01/2022 16:32

Thanks everyone, maybe it isn't as negative as I've interpreted it and I'm being sensitive. This is huge for us but I can't expect everyone to react in the way I'd like. That's not reasonable. Thank goodness I didn't ask a question on AIBU!

OP posts:

Adventsquirrel · 07/01/2022 16:33

My parents were thrilled, burst into tears and gave us both massive hugs then didn't stop beaming for about a fortnight.
In-laws said "oh no, another one?!" (having been told a few days earlier that my SIL was expecting their first grandchild). Then followed this up with "I hope you won't be expecting us to babysit?"
When the babies actually arrived they were great though
I'm sure your PIL are really delighted for you, just a bit disappointed for themselves that their grandchild won't be as close as they hoped. It's a shame MIL was too selfish to swallow her feelings and congratulate you properly.

Heruka · 07/01/2022 16:34

I agree she could have tried to contain her emotions in that moment and be happy for you. My mother didn’t act happy and her first question was ‘are you going to get married?’. I think she was shocked but I felt like you, she could have held her own feelings in and squealed a bit first, y’know, put your child before yourself in their big moment .

PurpleDaisies · 07/01/2022 16:36

Just think of all the times you’ve been blindsided over the years when someone announced your pregnancy to you face to face. You’ve struggled with infertility. It must have happened. Your mil has a gut reaction to the news you’re moving abroad and having a baby. I’m sure she wouldn’t have wanted to react like that. I wouldn’t be too harsh on her.

Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 07/01/2022 16:43

My mil told me never mind accidents happen. Then hissed in my ear dh's ex wanted his dc!!

We have been nc since ds was 3 months.

reluctantbrit · 07/01/2022 16:43

My. mum cried but it was understandable as only only buried my dad 2 months prior.

My in-laws were happy for us but a bit bewildered, I think they never thought we would try for a child. (I was 34, DH 38 when I fell pregnant).

We already lived aborad for years but even. when. we lived in the same country we. lived 600km away so it's not that they saw us every weekend for dinner.

I. can. only say they have a great relationship with teen DD and when I told DD we will go and visit next months she was over the moon to see Oma and Opa. A. good relationship can. always be established, it takes work but it is possible.

OhGiveUp · 07/01/2022 16:45

My parents were over the moon. My mum was on the phone to everyone for the rest of the day telling everyone. 😂

OhGiveUp · 07/01/2022 16:46

My parents in law were very happy too.

Strawberry0909 · 07/01/2022 16:50

My mum was so excited sge went running upstairs to tell SIL before i could finish saying don't tell anyone else yet! (First grandchild) dad was very happy even pit scan picture in his workshop, FIL was happy but already had 6 GC

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