How much of your time at home is spent "making nice"

[JMAngel1]

I've realised over the last week of Xmas relaxing, that so much of my time at home is usually spent either tidying, cleaning, sorting, gardening, exercising, showering, body/skin/hair-care for me and DDs
It's exhausting! I had a good few days off lazing around not caring about the state of the house or the state of me but it's actually getting me down a bit now and I'm feeling in a funk so know that I need to get back on the "make nice" wagon.
Does anyone else feel like this? Or is this just normal society life now - the garden, house, children and ourselves have to look good?

What do you mean that you and DD's , house, garden have to 'look good???' Can you explain what you mean and for whom this applies?

Well I like a clean and tidy home and mainly do little and often to maintain it. I do not however have myself or children groomed just a normal
Amount of clean! Laundry done 1/2 a day. Fold it while watching tele. Make dinner with kids. Eat with kids. Load dishwasher. Wipe down surfaces and have a clean sweep through before bed ready for the next day!

Sometimes I do think “make the food , eat the food, clean up the food” is a never ending cycle. Then I remember to slow down drink a little wine and relax.

I love a clean tidy fresh home.....I keep on top of it so it’s very rarely a mess....I shower every day and put on clean clothes...if I go out, I put on nice clean clothes and some make up....I walk the dog but don’t do any other excercise....I don’t do any gardening over winter....I start end of March and garden daily , in some capacity, until October, when the garden is put to bed for winter.....I always care about the state of my house.....less so about my own appearance

I have a cleaner, and the school run on foot/walk to and from work takes care of exercise needs — other than laundry, which isn’t particularly time-consuming, and presenting a civilised appearance for work, I can’t say I think a whole lot about what either the house or I look like. And how much time can you spend on making your daughters ‘look good’, anyway?

Constantly straightening things out here, cleaning, tidying, sorting out. All the usual chores.

A big purge every now and then feels good but the day to day jobs get me down.

Sorry shouldn't have worded it "look good" for my DDs. They're now pre-teen so hair gets greasy more quickly so needs more frequent washing and my youngest has eczema so needs twice daily emollients.

I can’t relax until I’m clean & tidy and my living space is clean & tidy, so I get those sorted first, then see to laundry and the washing-up a couple more times throughout the day.

Every day I think about how I spend far too much of my life on the washing-up and laundry. We’re saving for a dishwasher and tumble dryer this year, which will hopefully cut down the constant rotation of clothes and wetting my hands (so sore!)

Yes, I feel like I spend quite a lot of time keeping the house tidy - we have a cleaner so not too much of that, but I seem to be constantly wiping surfaces, putting things in the dishwasher, putting things away . . we eat nearly all meals at home so just doing that is quite time consuming (with supper, it's like, an hour to make, ten minutes to eat, twenty minutes to clear up aargh!). And it's just me and DP at home - but I also think I'm much slower, in my late 60s, than I used to be.

Glad not just me. I do feel trapped in this constant cycle of keeping everything looking nice.
But I felt really down this morning and decided to reboot my routines - washing hanging out, kitchen floor gleaming and grey roots dye on about to rinse out. Will paint my nails this morning too. It’s annoying because all these things take time and effort but somehow seem to be necessary for my mental health.

We have quite a big house and a newborn so I feel like we’re constantly tidying, sorting, organising etc. I can’t relax in a messy house where as my husband will literally sit in a garbage dump as long as there’s a tv and a beer waiting!

I am the same as you op re a tidy house and a happy mind! I don’t feel good if the house is sitting like a tip.

Oh god, my DH is the same. He will start making lunch even if breakfast hasn’t been cleaned away and the sink:dishwasher is full.

He literally doesn’t see mess

I paid a lot of money for my house and the things in it. I look after them and they should last for a long time. People laugh at me. But I enjoy keeping my house clean and tidy.
I’m not spending £400 on a washing machine and not taking care of it. My new house cost me alot of money. The kitchen in it is lovely. I spend time making sure that it stays that way.
Many duvet covers were not cheap ( well to me anyway ) so I make sure the bed is made and they are washed the way they are supposed to.

I’m not sure when taking care of things became something we were not supposed to do. We live in a throw away society. That maybe okay for some people but I don’t have money to keep replacing things.

I have had plenty people tell me I’m insane for taking care of my house like I do. Each to their own I guess. But if I paid thousands for new windows and doors etc. They need looking after.

You want to put a stop to that kind of shite sharpish. My DH was like that and said he didn’t notice or mind, so he had to work quite hard to make sure he did see mess and stepped up to being an active partner in running a home with small children.

Might be fine now while you’re on mat leave. Won’t be fine down the line. It will create a wedge and resentment.

Strange view. I don't feel like this at all. I do both easily, can look after myself, but also slobb about both easily.

Sorry. I have conflated your post with another poster on a different thread. Sorry

@Oblomov22
I wish I was more balanced.
I did really enjoy my week or so “off” at the time but then after a while it became counterproductive to my mental health.

If your husband is sitting down with beer and tv and you are not you need to speak up before it becomes habit. "Darling I'll do the folding if you sort out the kitchen and then we can both sit down together".

“Sometimes I do think “make the food , eat the food, clean up the food” is a never ending cycle”

Don’t forget ‘think about the food, buy the food’ it’s the total bane of my life and takes up way more time than cleaning.
My dc are over 9 so they help out with the cleaning and tidy up after themselves. Dh does all the gardening and cleans as well.
I don’t have high standards though. As long as I’m not embarrassed to have guests, that’ll do.

I’m the same I can’t relax until everything’s clean and tidy .
I go over things many times a day but don’t look after my self propley I know it’s not healthy but I get so stressed if my house is untidy .

He literally doesn’t see mess

Oh yes he does. He just leaves it for you to deal with.

None.
Life is too short & women are not born to housekeep or to look pretty for men.

@Avarua

If your husband is sitting down with beer and tv and you are not you need to speak up before it becomes habit. "Darling I'll do the folding if you sort out the kitchen and then we can both sit down together".

This is a good approach.

Honestly him not pulling his weight is such an old boring trope. Seriously, he can’t be “that guy”

I feel a lot better when our flat looks nice, we're home so much these days (wfh) so it might as well be a pleasant environment.

DH does do his fair share housework though so I don't feel like it is all "on me".

'Decorating' type things he doesn't care about as much as me but that is fair enough - there's no need to 'curate' the shelves etc. I just do it because I like the end result.

None
Life is too short & women are not born to housekeep or to look pretty for men

Perfectly put.