If you went to a "posh" school, what was your experience?

[LookAtMissOhio]

I went to a local girls grammar which was considered to be quite fancy.

School song in Latin
Wool blazer
Ridiculously expensive uniform
Very strict rules on hair clips etc
Skirts measured from the knee with a pen!
4 languages Inc. Latin (Caecelius est in horto... )

Great extracurriculars
Sheltered feeling
Good library for quiet girls to hide in

Positive peer pressure- studying was seen as a good thing
Other pupils didn't swear
Mild teasing about my broad country accent

Others went on lots of holidays, some had second homes, went skiing etc.
Parents were much older than in my primary
Ambitions were higher than in my primary

Negatives:
V v stressful in later years. Intense pressure
Constant threats about "not getting back in" for sixth form
Nasty behaviour due to stress
School prone to forcing out under performers, rather than helping them.
School very image conscious. You had to be pretty and well-connected to get on head girl team etc.
Fawning over rich girls. Prizes handed out to girls whose mothers were on the judging panel

@LookAtMissOhio

Sarah ours involved some very judgemental remarks, from a teacher, about Jade Goody. I won't repeat it here. I thought it was bollocks then, I know it's bollocks now.

Also a comment from same lady: "Raise your hand if you think guys should be locked up!" And one girl actually raised her hand this was in the 2000s. Shameful.

I was baffled by this and by SarahAndQuack's response until I realised you meant gays, not guys.

I boarded from age 11.

• Uniform from the 1500s
• Chapel twice a week, including Sunday
• Amazing buildings with acres and acres of playing fields and grounds
• Spartan dormitories (I think the living facilities are a lot nicer now)
• Endless sporting, musical and extra curricular activities
• Incredibly petty and strict rules on the one hand (e.g. only certain year groups able to walk along particular pathways) but relaxed in others (able to purchase alcohol from the school club once 17)
• recent convictions for historic sexual abuse that happened whilst I was at the school

I went to a fee paying, highly selective but not especially posh girls' school, and it sounds very much like your grammar school. I loved it.

I now teach at a proper old school public boarding school, which I though would be much "posher", but tbh it's just a regular school, with smaller class sizes, and a few very wealthy families (and a lot of very middle class, not particularly wealthy, families). I don't think many kids would feel wildly out of place there.

I went to a highly selective London girls' private school on a full scholarship in the 80s.

It was good for me. Lots of academic pressure, but that suited me and I did really well in my exams. I left with a feeling that I could do anything.

I did not feel inferior as a scholarship girl, and my friends' parents seemed to be well off rather than absolutely loaded. Maybe that would be different these days.

I went to an all girls private school. For the most part, I loved it but the teachers weren't remarkable or anything.

Yes it was "gays" unfortunately. I hate autocorrect.
On balance I would probably send my child there if she was academic enough. Otherwise I would avoid.

Anyone considered to be a bit thick got shamelessly mocked behind their back.

There were one or two pregnancies but they were right back at school as soon as possible after the birth, which was admirable. Both succeeded in life.

OTOH others were "disappeared" out due to poor physical, or more often mental, health. It was very sad.

My sis didn't go due to severe dyslexia. She got better results than me in a local comp, I suspect mainly because she was happy, engaged and interested in her subject. She earns more than me now. Horses for courses...

Yes to the confidence, the unshakeable belief that you could do anything if you wanted to, there were no barriers holding you back bar yourself.

I'm not in the UK, but I got all that from a state school in the 70s!

Highly selective girls private day (one of the names that gets mentioned on here).

Was brilliant. 99% fantastic teaching, that went way broader and beyond what we needed for exams just because it was interesting. Really supportive teachers, way beyond just schoolwork.

No petty rules.

A culture of questioning, arguing the point, being the awkward one all being a good thing and encouraged.

It was a bubble, and I had to learn a bit about the real work when I left. But it was worth it to have such a happy time for secondary school, a good group of friends and the confidence to argue my point when I needed to.

Mine was a selective state school, in what I suppose you'd call a desirable area.

Strict uniform policy, including regulation pants, socks, purse belt, gaberdine, duffle coat, blazer and indoor and outdoor shoes. We sang in Latin daily at assembly and the headmistress sat on a 'throne' on the stage to conduct proceedings.

Looking back, the facilities were fantastic, even though I didn't realise it at the time. We had seperate soundproofed buildings for music, a pottery department with a kiln, science labs, extensive fields for sport and maybe 12+ tennis courts (hard court and grass).

The teaching was variable. Some fantastic, engaging and supportive teachers; others were traditional, mind numbingly dull and strict disciplinarians. We were expected to learn poetry, Shakespeare and bible chapters off by heart. We all took at least 2 languages, with a 3rd plus Latin on offer.

I didn't particularly enjoy my school days. There was pressure on everyone to achieve, but it wasn't put in an individual supportive context, other than by a handful of teachers, just a blanket expectation. The careers teacher was a narrow minded science teacher who met the 6th formers for a brief interview. That was it. When I said I didn't want to go to university straight from 6th form, her exact words were 'I see see no hope for you whatsoever'.

On a more positive note, I saw no bullying at all during my 7 years there, and kindness to others would always be highlighted, and often mentioned in your school report.

Oh, no, @Bloodybridget, I only realised now I'd silently emended that in my head! I state for the record I have no wish to see guys locked up.

Private schools from Nursery to Yr 13. Single sex til 6th form. Mix of boarding and day.
Mostly excellent teachers, great extra curricular, great facilities and small classes. Very little snobbery of bullying that I can recall, with the exception of clothes - I went to a non uniform school for a few years which we all wished would introduce a uniform due to massive pressure on wearing the right stuff. Would actively avoid a non uniform school for my kids.

Posh-ism girls grammar in the 90s - I did well academically at school but the bullying was vicious.

Lots of bizarre and pointless rules - length of skirts being measured, specifications about what knickers to wear, standing up whenever an adult entered the room (including mid lesson), absolutely no running or playing unless an organised sport, there was a "code of ladylike behaviour" posted on the wall in every classroom.

The positives - amazing music department and links to really good music groups and choirs and support to audition for these. State of the art sports facilities including a swimming pool. Generally everyone did well at school (though possible because girls were asked to leave if struggling academically).

*posh-ish

@LookAtMissOhio

I went to a local girls grammar which was considered to be quite fancy.

School song in Latin
Wool blazer
Ridiculously expensive uniform
Very strict rules on hair clips etc
Skirts measured from the knee with a pen!
4 languages Inc. Latin (Caecelius est in horto... )

Great extracurriculars
Sheltered feeling
Good library for quiet girls to hide in

Positive peer pressure- studying was seen as a good thing
Other pupils didn't swear
Mild teasing about my broad country accent

Others went on lots of holidays, some had second homes, went skiing etc.
Parents were much older than in my primary
Ambitions were higher than in my primary

Negatives:
V v stressful in later years. Intense pressure
Constant threats about "not getting back in" for sixth form
Nasty behaviour due to stress
School prone to forcing out under performers, rather than helping them.
School very image conscious. You had to be pretty and well-connected to get on head girl team etc.
Fawning over rich girls. Prizes handed out to girls whose mothers were on the judging panel

I can relate to most of this! £60 blazer so only had 2, even though one ripped. I'm glad I didn't have peer pressure to wear mini skirts though!

I left feeling like a failure as I didn't get full sweep of top grades. It took years for me to realise I still did better than the vast majority of people. I thought I wasnt that smart when I was. This hasn't done me any long term favours.

Being sheltered probably suited me. But then I was more vulnerable in late teens as I was so socially immature esp with boys.

We had no favouring like you describe though, or if we did it went over my head.

I'd choose the same for my DC's though over a average comp.

Ive been to so many schools because my parents moved around alot.

The private schools i went to were much more relaxed than the grammar. The grammar was awful. So awful that id never in a million years send my children to a grammar school.

The state school i went to was actually the best tbh... Best teaching, most supportive atmosphere.

The private schools were intense emotionally as you had a lot of kids away from home... and grouped into boys and girls. I just dont know who ever thought putting loads of teenaged girls together 24/7 would be a positive thing... but I heard it was much much worse for the boys. I actually think boarding schools are incredibly psychologically damaging in particular to boys.
I went to Oundle school for a couple of years which is an old public school.. that one had the most ridiculous uniform. Frilly pin striped shirt and puffed sleeved blue blazer with floor length pinstriped culottes that gave the appearance being in 1910... we had to walk thru the town dressed like that! Mortifying.
That school was beautiful architecturally and had great facilities. I didnt enjoy it tho... I wasnt bullied or anything but there was this strange tense and sad atmosphere. And I heard about some horrific things which went on.. primarily with the long term male boarders

I went to one private prep school that had straw boaters and knee high socks etc but it matters less at that age, it wasnt quite as embarrassing

I went to a Private school ( 70s). Very academic, loads of pressure, and expectations that you would go to University. If you didn't plan to, you were pretty discounted. Hierarchy of snobbery. And Latin. I rebelled in my teenage years, but went to University later ( in my 20s)
Uniform Very strict. My parents were ordinary so felt I didn't fit in.

Positives were, it was an all girls school, so a lot of focus on girls can do anything
On the negative side, I had NO idea how to relate to boys.

Oh and a great focus on sports too, of which I was completely rubbish at, especially hockey.

I lived in a council house until I was 18 and went to a fee paying private school which was day and boarding. How? As I got an assisted place....

Yes, certainly small class sizes and I do think it set me up well for University, however I'd say the negatives outweighed the positives - especially being 'poor' compared to 99% of my peers.

Different approaches taken depending if you were found taking class A drugs and dealing them and your Daddy was an Olympic gold medalist..... vs found smoking a single joint and your parents scrimped and saved to send you there (the pupil smoking was suspended.... nothing was done with the Class A dealing student)

Snobbery was rife and wasn't discouraged at all - We also went to school until 1pm on Saturday and if you were good at games, you were made to play in teams (which I hated) and the matches were on Saturday afternoons... so parents would pick you up at 5pm-6pm on Saturday so you had one day off.

I learnt Latin.... French.... had music lessons (hated them, didn't want to do them) and when I left school I never picked up another instrument again as was forced to be in the prestigious 'band' for 7 years. Same with team sports - detest them with a passion, prefer hiking / walking or anything that can be done without others.....

School Uniform was eye wateringly expensive and my Mother had to buy all of mine (and branded sports kit) from the second hand shop which of course, was ridiculed by other students and I left 7 years of school with 1 friend.

Thankfully at Uni, things were so much more mixed and balanced and am still in contact with a lot of people, 20 years on

I went to a convent school where all ‘non Catholics’ were fee-paying (65% of the pupils)
We wore velour hats/straw boaters that smelt fishy if they got wet), black gloves winter/white gloves summer. Very strict uniform code including divided skirts for sports and regulation knickers, indoor and outdoor shoes, skirts to touch the floor when you knelt down (hems ripped down if yours didn’t)
Three stream- top mainly RC, destined for university and better things.
Middle- you could be a nurse/teacher/join the forces. University considered beyond your capabilities and discouraged.
Bottom (yes, known as that!)- work in a shop, secretary or marry and have lots of RC children.
Horribly strict with prefects on public transport who reported the smallest misdemeanour (never eat in public, that was a hideous crime, as was not wearing hat and gloves regardless of the weather)
Head Girl always RC, as were prefects etc.
Mass in Latin when I first started there, didn’t understand anything at all! Had to attend twice a week plus holy days etc, incense made me cough which got me a detention. Every bl... time.
Latin was compulsory, I hated it. Prefects gave you punishments of learning a page of Shakespeare during your lunch break and playtime until you knew it by heart - I have hated Shakespeare and poetry ever since.
Was bullied horribly for 5 years but quickly learnt that because the main bully was RC and I wasn’t then I was considered a liar and was given detentions. No good complaining to my parents because they were ‘paying for my education and you should be grateful’, and when not believed when reporting meant I was doubly punished at home.
Horrible time, the most miserable days of my life.

Sorry to hear that Yantan.

I absolutely loathe team sports, never made the connection til now...

Awful. Hated it. Was dragged from a school I loved with friends. To a horrible school. Horrible people. Bullied for years. And they didn’t have resources that my other school did. It was falling down and the teachers were awful. I wasn’t able to do the courses I wanted to do as they didn’t do them at that school. Worst experience ever

Same positives as you. I didn't experience the negatives but I know some friends who weren't academic felt a failure because they 'only' got into a Poly.

I felt I was educated out of my class. I had nothing culturally in common with my family- my interests were so massively different. I was the first in my family to go to university and my step dad said it was a waste of tax payers money as I would end up being a 'housewife' anyway!

I'd really like to know if other boarders have an acute worry about being embarrassed or causing trouble to others. DH was a boarder and we think it's where his fear stemmed from.