FIL - eating habits - arrgghh

[TooMuchToblerone]

Due to pandemic our meet ups with PIL have been outdoors with no meals involved. New Years Day we went to their house and I've been reminded of the horror of FIL's eating.
The noise is ridiculous. The loudest smacking and chomping noises with mouth open. Wouldn't be surprised if neighbours could hear. MIL clearly oblivious. DH agrees it's awful and when I caught his eye during dinner he made a face and mouthed "I know".
If we were at our house I'd pop music on to try to drown it out. At theirs' they don't have a music player in dining room and I can hardly put on my iTunes. He's always been like this but yesterday was the worst ever.
Obviously I can't say anything - this is him. He's an adult.
There's other minor issues - they are super tight with drinks - I get one drink in a 5 hour visit then just have to get water (they keep wine on floor between them and only fill up their glasses), and MIL's food hygiene is appalling (think cooked chicken sat on side for 4 hours then being offered sandwiches - obvs we decline) - how are they not ill??? I can cope with all these, but the eating!!
I get stressed by noisy eaters (misophobia?) and have married into a family where FiL must win prize for world's noisiest eater.
Nothing I can do is there? Just would like to hear there are others in this situation as I feel miserable at thought of going there again but it's unavoidable as can't make excuses forever to dodge their house.

I sympathise. My husband's family were like that MIL and FIL been dead years now). It was like watching cannibals eating! They use to have BBQs, something I've never liked, then eat the steaks/chicken drumsticks/sausages etc with their hands. It used to be awful, all the slurping and chewing, grease dripping down their chins, then them picking the bits of meat out from between their teeth. After that, they'd be belching and farting for the rest of the day. I used to hate going there.

I feel sick just reading that. Truly my idea of hell on earth. I would flatly refuse to go.

My mother in law is like this and will talk at my whilst chomping away. I make the point of slowly chewing thus providing an awkward pause before I respond but not sure she gets it.

@TheCreamCaker

I sympathise. My husband's family were like that MIL and FIL been dead years now). It was like watching cannibals eating! They use to have BBQs, something I've never liked, then eat the steaks/chicken drumsticks/sausages etc with their hands. It used to be awful, all the slurping and chewing, grease dripping down their chins, then them picking the bits of meat out from between their teeth. After that, they'd be belching and farting for the rest of the day. I used to hate going there.

OMG - that was incredibly descriptive! I'm vegan so it had a double whammy effect on me.

Great writing, but I have no solutions for your problems. I have the thing about noisy eating too - gives me the real heebie-jeebies and I'd do anything to get away from the table.

Ah that sounds grim.
Not sure I’d be overly worried by the chicken though in fairness

Nothing I can do is there? Just would like to hear there are others in this situation as I feel miserable at thought of going there again but it's unavoidable as can't make excuses forever to dodge their house.

Life is too short to put up with this. Revert to covid habits. Meet elsewhere, no eating involved until you have said goodbye. I would not subject myself and my children to poor table manners, unsafe food hygiene & selfish hosting.

I have misophonia...and I own it and tell anyone who needs to know. "I have this, it means I can't tolerate mouth noises, please can we have some music on if we are going to eat together"
You have all of my sympathies OP

FIL is the same. He gets food all round his mouth like a toddler and doesn't wipe it off. We went for an Italian meal - first he tried to order chilli con carne (because that's Italian), then spaghetti bolognese. His wife had to cut it up for him like a baby and he still got it all round his face. He has no cognitive difficulties, dementia etc. He's been like this pretty much all his life, MIL says.

BIL3 sounds like Mr Snufflepagus draining a sump. We fight not to sit near him at family meals. It's stomach turning.

@MamaBearThius

I have misophonia...and I own it and tell anyone who needs to know. "I have this, it means I can't tolerate mouth noises, please can we have some music on if we are going to eat together" You have all of my sympathies OP

This is sensible. If a bit awkward to do.

My best friend's wife is a SHOCKER for this and makes my misophonia go through the ceiling- my solution is that we now never eat together except if I must then out at a restaurant where I wear my ear plugs and the overall loudness drowns her out. Urgh I hate it.

Thank you all. Honestly if it were my DC (who are teens) I'd say something but just can't with PIL.
And to the poster who mentions the teeth picking - he does indeed do that with his fingers before proceeding to carve and offer more meat, or slice more bread. No hand washing in between obvs. I'm making myself feel nauseous all over again!
Just going to have to try to host but they do birthday meals for each of their 4 adult children so we do get regular invites.

Misophonia aside, why do people do it? It's poor manners but in my experience often people who do it will certainly have been taught manners. I knew a very posh person who was just as dreadful.

I do not have misphonia but grew up with DM and DSis who have 'hollow heads' so thought I was pretty much inured to noisy eaters. Then I met BIL.

Sunday lunch and we'd all be seated as MIL passed round plates with meat to us, help yourself to veg. BIL would grab most of the roasties, his 'special' gravy and whatever else he fancied, would.mush it all together then, using knife and fork as flippers, would flick food towards his mouth, chomping, chasing it down to his plate, mouth open, chewing all the time.

He would often hold his plate out for more meat before MIL had even sat down for her own.

He always took the last roastie, even if someone else hadn't had any.

Nobody in the family ever said anything.

So I started helping set the table and moved the roasties up my end of the table and handing out the meat plates, BIL got his last, after I plated up some for me and MIL.

He used to shout at me, but everyone used to just laugh and talk over him.

That was 36 years ago, we have been nigh on no contact for 20 years and I can still remember the sight and sound of it, like it is happening right now.

My dog eats with less noise and mess!

This thread has made me feel quite queasy 🤢

ALL my husbands family speak with their mouths full, I CANNOT BEAR IT!!!! At home I pull him up on it every single time, there is no way I'm teaching our children that it's an appropriate way to behave. Disgusting. I really feel your pain!

That sounds horrific-I certainly wouldn’t be able to poke up with it without wine!

When they do this… keep wine on floor between them and only fill up their glasses

I would hold out my empty glass and ask for one! Or bring another bottle, open it and keep it by your own glass!

Mines worse I reckon. My FIL does the same and makes that noise but with the added bonus of bits flying out of his mouth as he talks at the same time and also his teeth coming loose and clacking around as well. 😭😭😭

@Howshouldibehave

That sounds horrific-I certainly wouldn’t be able to poke up with it without wine!

When they do this… keep wine on floor between them and only fill up their glasses

I would hold out my empty glass and ask for one! Or bring another bottle, open it and keep it by your own glass!

I would definitely bring a bottle for DH and I to have between us if that's how tight they are their 'etiquette'.

I would have absolute hysterics and leave screaming. Then I'd have to have counselling. Just NO!!!!!

@HoardingSamphireSaurus grim!!!

I have a colleague who makes a ferocious racket when eating, even eating soft fruit. I'd have to leave the room, walk around the block, hope she was done when I got back. It was quite unbearable, for all her colleagues. Now full-time wfh, I will never have to hear it again. Even when thinks get back to normal, I will never be in a room with her eating, never.

I can’t get past the fact they keep the wine on the floor between them, and only serve themselves. I wouldn’t be able to go again…

[quote Dontletthemuggglesgetyoudown]@HoardingSamphireSaurus grim!!![/quote]
Just a tiny blip in the Awful Things BoneheadBIL and PoisonousSIL Did.

I always thought my family were disfunctional. But DHs are/were totally off any scale, whilst somehow maintaining long term jobs and relationships 😃

Oh good my dad was staying at Christmas and he does this slurping thing with his tea cos it’s too hot to actually drink, it goes right through me!

I kept making a point of putting hot drink down near him and saying it was too hot to drink yet but it was clearly not obvious enough.

Misophonia aside, why do people do it?
Probably can't help it! These sorts of habits very hard wired even if they are aware. My parents eat v quickly and talk with their mouth full, I have to try VERY hard not to do the same. DD11 does this and is also a very noisy chomper/slurper - we have gently tried to get her to rein it in but she finds it very hard not to. Not saying that makes it ok or fun to listen to for others...

🤮 my poor stepdad is noisy but NOWHERE NEAR the level of the people described on this thread! I couldn’t do it. I would probably flip, scream and run away, as per a pp.