My daughter just told me she thinks the alexa is listening to her and plug holes are watching her and i have no idea if im supposed to react

[Adogisonmypillow]

I have an 11 year old daughter who we have been told is autistic and possibly adhd although no one really seems to know other than she behaves unusually.

We have been trying to get her a school place (all our other children are home ed) but its been months and no school will have her even though its already been to a fair access panel.

She just walked in to my bedroom and told me that she thinks the alexa is listening to her all the time and she wont speak around alexa and that she has been staring at the plugs in case they are watching her.
She said she is paranoid (her words) and said she was a 10 on the paranoid scale. Then she smiled and left.

I have no idea at all what i should do. There is 0 point in trying to talk to her about it - she just doesn’t have conversations like that but i feel like thats not a normal thing to say.

I dare not bring it up because she will latch on to it and it will become a huge deal but i dont want to ignore it and risk her developing some kind of problem!

Has anyone else had anything like this?

I had very similar thoughts OP when I was a teenager. No Alexa obviously but I thought I was being watched by the TV, that people could read my thoughts, that people were always talking about me. I told my mum and eventually got CBT - I know people rate this therapy highly but I've had it twice now and don't think much of it at all.

I am 99% sure I have ADHD with possible ASD traits and if it was better known then that the signs present different in girls, I might not had had so much difficulty growing up, thinking I was different, useless, waste of space. I can tell you it's an exhausting way to go through life.

But I echo others, open chat, find out how much these things bother her, let her lead the conversation, so no asking,"do you feel XYZ". Because XYZ might not be feelings that she has but might think she ought to feel them if you are asking her about them. So you might not get a true picture of her worries
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alexa can always be removed, plug holes can always be covered up, but intrusive thoughts don't easily go away. I would say it's definitely worth going to the docs if your daughter wants to go, or if her behaviour worries you. She is young, my paranoia etc started round about 15. It's never really gone away. I still think there are cameras in TVs etc but I don't let it dominate my life now.

Keep an eye on her and be there whenever she wants to talk, and if you feel her behaviour or thoughts are impacting on her wellbeing don't hesitate to take her to the doctors.

I used to have similar thoughts when I was child and even as a teenager. Convinced there might be cameras hidden anywhere. I was slightly vindicated when I got a job as a nanny and realised they had two hidden cameras (one disguised as a charging plug without the cable, the other as a clock). I wouldn't have know if I hadn't noticed the plug was never charging anything and googled something like "hidden cameras for home".

As for Alexa, I think it's fairly common to worry that she's listening because she is. We one in the kitchen but I flat out refuse to have one in the bedroom or living room.

Alexa does listen to conversations. It was openly admitted a year or two ago.

Alexa is listening, and with so much surveillance and tech as standard, it's not surprising a young child might make the leap to other things "watching". When I was 11 I developed mild ocd. I watched that awful show where Trinny and Susannah bugged someone's house with cameras etc, then showed up and told them how ugly/poorly dressed/slovenly they were. I had to start checking every nook and cranny for cameras and microphones in the bathroom and it developed into ocd. I had to open and shut cupboard doors a particular number of times while checking etc. I basically had to train myself out of it. It was very hard.

I'm an autistic adult and wouldn't have an Alexa in my house because yes, it's always listening, and that thought makes me profoundly uncomfortable. I don't think there's anything worrying about your daughter realising this. Some people care more about privacy than others.

I'm not sure what the socket thing is about so that might be worth having a chat with her about - you might find that she has misunderstood something she's read, or has read about an incident that actually happened somewhere and not realised it wouldn't be the case in a private home.

I wouldn't worry about the use of the word 'paranoid' unless there's much more going on than you're saying. It's likely she's using it in the colloquial sense to show she's more concerned about privacy/surveillance than the average person seems to be.

I wonder if she has heard of the case of Alexa and the plug socket and kind of mixed up how it was said.
Especially if it sent her on a mission to find out if Alexa does listen and the googled asking if devices can hear us maybe threw up some links about paranoia etc.

I can see what she means in a sense, as a child I
always thought the plug sockets looked like faces.

Alexa IS listening to her. She's always listening, even without the wake word. Police have used Alexa recordings as evidence.

My daughter with autism developed similar paranoid feelings. Neighbours watching her through the walls etc. She was a bit older when it started.

I would try and establish, if you can, whether she can rationalise the feelings.

Does she believe they're true or can she accept deep down that it's an intrusive thought.

Does she have any "evidence" it's happening if she believes it's real.

I would keep the conversations light as you're worried she could end up fixating more if you bring it up too much.

That was my starting point.

I'd also be curious to the possibility of intrusive thoughts. My DD has this to varying degrees from time to time. This is the kind of thing she would experience.
It's good that she told you. If it comes up again you could talk it through - Alexa does listen, but you could adjust the settings or switch it off. There's a word for inanimate objects that look like faces/people (can't remember it offhand) so the plug thing is also understandable. Lightly reassure her that's not the case. My DD understands her OCD better and seeking reassurance is part of the problem, so I will gently point out the reality of the thought that's bothering her but after that will reframe it so she reassures herself and perceives the thought to be an intrusive one.

@Beamur that's very much how we try to manage this too.

My dd has a problem with car lights and the number 3! She definitely says they appear face like to her.

Thornrose
My DD has had some professional support with this which has been helpful. I had to understand it better too. She's been offered a referral for an ASD assessment but declined. She's definitely prone to anxiety.

Well Alexa us listening. That bits true..

Yes, anxiety and sensory issues contribute hugely I think.

Dd had CBT which was helpful, although I know not everyone gets on with it.

We learned some good strategies which we still use, dd is now 22.

CBT helpful for us too. DD first referred to CAHMS at 8 and again at 14 (earlier this year) and it has been useful. Our experience with CAHMS seems quite unusual, short waiting list and appropriate help offered. She was assessed and scored high on both social anxiety and seperation anxiety. The thoughts are always there (as they are for most people) but she's generally good at looking after herself. It can be very tiring though.

Well…. one reason why we don’t have Alexa at home is because it is listening….

But the plug thing is more puzzling. And so is the comment that is at a level 10 as paranoid. At her age, she will need to have done some research on what paranoid means, maybe done some tests on the Internet etc…
I’d want to see her to be seen by a psychologist/GP tbh. Are you still in contact with CAMHS. Re her ASD and possible ADHD?

On top of all the great advice, I also recommend people looking at the Gut Brain Connection and the current research scientists are doing which shows that eating or drinking additives etc can have a terribly negative effect on the mind.

It sounds like hippie twaddle but proper scientists are taking it very seriously.

www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/the-gut-brain-connection

www.healthline.com/nutrition/gut-brain-connection#TOC_TITLE_HDR_4

Off the main point, I know, but does your daughter have an EHCP? If not, any school with a vacancy must take her, they don’t have a choice. Have you tried using the Admissions Appeal process?

If she does have an EHCP, there are various things you can do to get a school place and/or home tuition provided by the LA - I suggest you phone SOS SEN.

@Beamur

I'd also be curious to the possibility of intrusive thoughts. My DD has this to varying degrees from time to time. This is the kind of thing she would experience. It's good that she told you. If it comes up again you could talk it through - Alexa does listen, but you could adjust the settings or switch it off. There's a word for inanimate objects that look like faces/people (can't remember it offhand) so the plug thing is also understandable. Lightly reassure her that's not the case. My DD understands her OCD better and seeking reassurance is part of the problem, so I will gently point out the reality of the thought that's bothering her but after that will reframe it so she reassures herself and perceives the thought to be an intrusive one.

There's a word for inanimate objects that look like faces/people

Anthropomorphic, from greek: anthrōpos = human and morphē = shape

I think of anthropology (the study of ancient human prehistory) and Morph the claymation character (who is anthropomorphic, he is a piece of putty like a person) to help me remember.

he is a piece of putty like a person

he is a piece of putty shaped like a person.

Why is there no five-minute grace period to edit posts?

Alexa is listening, and not benignly either. So who knows about the bloody plug holes at this point.

I'd suspect something like tiktok, the putting herself on a paranoia scale sound just like some of their weirdness. Maybe cur down on screens. Also get rid of Alexa.

Perhaps ask her what the downside of this is - will aliens come and kidnap her because they see she is so beautiful, will someone ask her to come on a tv prog as she speaks so intelligently? Or will nothing happen so it can be ignored.