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Original poster

My daughter just told me she thinks the alexa is listening to her and plug holes are watching her and i have no idea if im supposed to react

71 replies

Adogisonmypillow · 03/01/2022 00:35

I have an 11 year old daughter who we have been told is autistic and possibly adhd although no one really seems to know other than she behaves unusually.

We have been trying to get her a school place (all our other children are home ed) but its been months and no school will have her even though its already been to a fair access panel.

She just walked in to my bedroom and told me that she thinks the alexa is listening to her all the time and she wont speak around alexa and that she has been staring at the plugs in case they are watching her.
She said she is paranoid (her words) and said she was a 10 on the paranoid scale. Then she smiled and left.

I have no idea at all what i should do. There is 0 point in trying to talk to her about it - she just doesn’t have conversations like that but i feel like thats not a normal thing to say.

I dare not bring it up because she will latch on to it and it will become a huge deal but i dont want to ignore it and risk her developing some kind of problem!

Has anyone else had anything like this?

OP posts:
PasstheBucket89 · 03/01/2022 02:03

its not 'extreme paranoia' though Alex's is listening all the time, hence why I unplugged mine, sick of its random outbursts,, i would just unplug it and explain that there's no need to worry x

Absolutelyguttedxmas · 03/01/2022 02:29

When I was 12 I developed depression and became extremely paranoid, I believed there were cameras in my room. I knew it was irrational but I began to believe my life was a bit like the Truman Show. I didn't tell anyone and eventually went on med for depression and it gradually went away.
Be glad she todl you and don't belittle it, thank her for telling you but try to help her rationalise it and seek help

OwMyToe · 03/01/2022 02:42

I'd look at the history on the YouTube account she would've been using. It's possible to see exactly what she's been watching, and that may solve some of the mystery. The rating out of 10 reminded me of YT, too, and it feels like something she could easily have come across online.

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Thoosa · 03/01/2022 02:42

@Adogisonmypillow

I think she meant alexa was listening in a dangerous way not in a listening out way its hard to describe her tone - but i will ask her if she wants to unplug them tomorrow.
To be fair, there is only one kind of always-on listening, which is always on. They are essentially surveillance devices which many of us choose to trust because it’s convenient, but I’ve certainly been targeted by adverts based on things my phone has overheard, and there are many similar stories. So in an age of Cambridge Analytica etc, she has a valid point.

That much sounds like faultless autistic logic to me. As in a pedantic commitment to facts regardless of marketing or similar.

The plug socket thing is much stranger but may be an extrapolation from the above or something she has read about home networks that connect via the wiring.

There remains the possibility of clinical paranoia, of course but don’t panic just yet.

Is there no subtle way of drawing her thought processes out of her?

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 03/01/2022 02:43

For now id smile and not, do NOT make a thing of it..... It could just be a quirky version of kids deciding the people in the tv can see them.

However if keep a note of it and any other unusual behaviours just in case it does need escalating.

EbonanzaScrooge · 03/01/2022 02:50

There’s actually a section within the settings that can let you hear what Alexa has listened to. it might be worth letting her hear that so she knows exactly what has been picked up.

FortunesFave · 03/01/2022 02:52

Although, yes, it could be a mental illness it could also be the fact that kids today discuss this a LOT online. They're always looking for evidence of devices listening to them and they post about it a lot on TikTok and Youtube and other platforms.
Get rid of the Alexa OP.

alexdgr8 · 03/01/2022 03:06

i'd take her to see the doctor

CoutureBakes · 03/01/2022 03:09

I was like this as a child...very wary of certain objects and appliances....I used to feel things were watching/recording/ waiting to harm me...it was a mix of an overactive imagination and the beginnings of OCD behaviours.

For example I felt I could avoid certain objects by employing certain tactics...that progressed into a pattern of behaviours I struggled to change.

Small blinking lights were one of the things that put the fear into me Grin
I used to think anything with a blinking light was staring at me Confused
Anything I knew was dangerous suddenly became a huge focus..I could not stop thinking about it and was constantly scared I would do it..I didn't even trust myself!
Even to this day I often think about putting a key in a plug socket! I know it's wrong but I cant stop thinking about it...i think this stemmed from watching one of those p.s.a videos explaining why we shouldn't.. along with railroad safety etc..
Schoolyard stories like bloody Mary had me afraid of bathrooms longer than I'd like to admit....

Sometimes I still have odd reactions to things but then shake it off an laugh at myself for being ridiculous.

Although I laugh now, as a child, I was petrified and my behaviour surrounding certain things became obsessive...I know now that I must have been experiencing visual hallucinations at some point because there's absolutley no chance some of the situations could have been real!

FortunesFave · 03/01/2022 03:14

@CoutureBakes

I was like this as a child...very wary of certain objects and appliances....I used to feel things were watching/recording/ waiting to harm me...it was a mix of an overactive imagination and the beginnings of OCD behaviours.

For example I felt I could avoid certain objects by employing certain tactics...that progressed into a pattern of behaviours I struggled to change.

Small blinking lights were one of the things that put the fear into me Grin
I used to think anything with a blinking light was staring at me Confused
Anything I knew was dangerous suddenly became a huge focus..I could not stop thinking about it and was constantly scared I would do it..I didn't even trust myself!
Even to this day I often think about putting a key in a plug socket! I know it's wrong but I cant stop thinking about it...i think this stemmed from watching one of those p.s.a videos explaining why we shouldn't.. along with railroad safety etc..
Schoolyard stories like bloody Mary had me afraid of bathrooms longer than I'd like to admit....

Sometimes I still have odd reactions to things but then shake it off an laugh at myself for being ridiculous.

Although I laugh now, as a child, I was petrified and my behaviour surrounding certain things became obsessive...I know now that I must have been experiencing visual hallucinations at some point because there's absolutley no chance some of the situations could have been real!

Yes I thought it sounded like anxiety/OCD too. Obsessive thinking can be very upsetting for a child who doesn't understand.
NumberTheory · 03/01/2022 03:19

I would also start with looking at her Internet use. People do develop these sorts of paranoias without being prompted, but it's also fairly classic conspiracy theory stuff that spreads as a meme through susceptible people.

But regardless of the Internet use, I would also be pushing for a psychiatric evaluation. I don't think this is something to tackle on your own.

HeadPain · 03/01/2022 03:19

Alexa probably is listening and recording. I don't think it's unusual or unreasonable for people to be suspicious about that, tbh. Plugs - has she been watching something about those teeny tiny spy cams like even the size of a needle that have been talked about in South Korea and now here too? They can look like screws too. There have been stories in the media and Stacey Dooley did a documentary on it.

Some kids like saying this stuff to seem quirky and get attention. She came into your bedroom, said that, smiled and walked out. The fact she smiled and walked off makes me think that she is trying to wind you up/get attention. I don't think you should give her much of a reaction. But I would want to find out why she is acting like this. I think if she really was paranoid (like, clinically) about that stuff, especially level 10, she would not be smiling. She would be upset, very distressed.

Does she want to go to school or does she want home education? Does she know that "no school will have her"? Does she know about her diagnosis/that people are trying to work out what is "wrong" with her?

mathanxiety · 03/01/2022 03:21

If you can afford a paediatric psychiatric assessment, get one for her.

Phone around to find prices.

HeadPain · 03/01/2022 03:24

You should probably speak to a professional about it though. (without her knowing)

HeadPain · 03/01/2022 03:25

And if they feel she should be assessed...

HMG107 · 03/01/2022 03:39

@Adogisonmypillow

I am autistic and have ADHD and have lived experience of these intrusive thoughts. They would happen when my stress levels became too high for me to manage and at these times I have suffered from psychosis.

You say you're trying to get your daughter a school place but are struggling and this will impact your daughter emotionally. What else is going on in the house that could be causing her to feel anxious?

Having ADHD means I suffer from emotional dysregulation which doesn't help with managing anxiety. I am now on ADHD meds, which help significantly.

If I were your daughter and you were my mum I would want you to:

Help me exercise as much as possible to lift my mood and help to control my emotions
Provide me with a balanced diet for the same reasons
Remove as much stress from my life
Make me feel heard and supported e.g tomorrow could you unplug the Alexa's and put them a way for a while and explain to your daughter you are doing this so she feels more comfortable
Pay for a private ADHD diagnosis and get me meds asap

MistySkiesAfterRain · 03/01/2022 03:46

I think I would read this as a projection of stress. It's that 'always on' feeling. A tech cull sounds like a good idea.

autieok · 03/01/2022 04:31

Based on that alone I wouldn't be too worried but I would definitely be making a note of it. Agree it's worth turning Alexa off as the listening fear is quite justified. If it seems like these fears are deep rooted or more develop definitely would benefit from cmh assessment which would probably go through gp. Hopefully it's nothing and just a quirky comment but it's best to be alert.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 03/01/2022 05:09

she thinks the alexa is listening to her

She's right on that. Alexa wouldn't work if it wasn't listening all the time. The plug sockets watching her, that's more of a concern. CAMHS?

Travelledtheworld · 03/01/2022 05:13

Would it be helpful to get those plug socket blanks you use to stop toddlers sticking their fingers in sockets ?
And turn Alexa off ?

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 03/01/2022 05:29

This may be more common than you think. I remember feeling this way at her age and being convinced I was being listened to and watched on cameras everywhere I went. My brother was the same, despite being more level headed than me and not having certain issues that I have. I also had other friends that felt the same. We all just grew out of it.

Obviously nowadays these things are more likely to be actually happening. Alexa is definitely listening and I've only recently bought one (which stays unplugged until I want to use it).

It's good that your daughter talked to you about it. I wouldn't have been able to discuss this with my mum as she'd have ridiculed me and bullied me for years afterwards.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 03/01/2022 05:34

@HeadPain

Alexa probably is listening and recording. I don't think it's unusual or unreasonable for people to be suspicious about that, tbh. Plugs - has she been watching something about those teeny tiny spy cams like even the size of a needle that have been talked about in South Korea and now here too? They can look like screws too. There have been stories in the media and Stacey Dooley did a documentary on it.

Some kids like saying this stuff to seem quirky and get attention. She came into your bedroom, said that, smiled and walked out. The fact she smiled and walked off makes me think that she is trying to wind you up/get attention. I don't think you should give her much of a reaction. But I would want to find out why she is acting like this. I think if she really was paranoid (like, clinically) about that stuff, especially level 10, she would not be smiling. She would be upset, very distressed.

Does she want to go to school or does she want home education? Does she know that "no school will have her"? Does she know about her diagnosis/that people are trying to work out what is "wrong" with her?

More information about teeny tiny spy cams, courtesy of FWR: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3286124-The-case-for-retaining-single-sex-mass-toilets-alongside-any-unisex-provision-Title-edited-by-MNHQ-at-the-request-of-the-OP
bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 03/01/2022 05:36

@Travelledtheworld

Would it be helpful to get those plug socket blanks you use to stop toddlers sticking their fingers in sockets ? And turn Alexa off ?
No. They are dangerous and can damage the socket. www.plugsafe.fatallyflawed.org.uk/
Harrisonfordlife · 03/01/2022 05:48

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OneInEight · 03/01/2022 06:20

We had similar with ds2. Well paranoid thoughts but not Alexa specifically. What it came down to was not the specific paranoia but overall very high anxiety levels. What helped was making sure he had the right educational support and making sure home was a safe place for him (reducing demands etc). I have to say CAMHS for us was as helpful as a chocolate teapot but I guess they are better in some areas and might be worth a try.