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Original poster

Please tell me other people like their spouse to wear pyjamas as well...

69 replies

Because789 · 29/12/2021 08:39

How can I be less OCD about this. I feel bad for my poor husband 🙈

I sleep in pyjamas. My husband sleeps naked. I'm sooo bothered that he doesn't wear any pyjamas or even just pants in bed. It really shouldn't be a big deal... Like I know I don't have any reason to dislike this. Why does this bother me so much?! 😱😂

I know sleeping naked is nice. I'd like to do it once in a while, but I don't get my body to myself if I do as he (lovingly) sees it as an invitation for initiating sex or to turn over and touch/grope me through the night when he's half asleep - I hate that. I don't feel the need to touch him when he's sleeping - in fact, I'm less likely to snuggle up to him when he's naked because it doesn't feel right. I also slightly over-focus the on fact that the 'below the waist' area isn't really a clean area and knowing my (hairy) husband like I do, it can be sweaty and possibly not 'totally' clean by the time bedtime rolls around 😬 Oh God I need to get a life and stop over-thinking this 🤦

OP posts:
hohohohoh · 29/12/2021 09:30

All of you naked sleepers, how hot are your houses?? At this time of year I have a 13 tog duvet, thick PJs and a pair of bedsocks. I'd freeze to death if I was naked or just wearing a pair of pants.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 29/12/2021 09:31

Two very different issues in the op.

Your husband should not be touching you like that at all.

Tell him the bedding needs washing and the bed remaking when he chooses to sleep naked.

justasking111 · 29/12/2021 09:33

My OH gets cold shoulders with the window open unless it's really freezing so opts for nightshirt. A nightie rides up so can't see the difference really. Medically I read it's not good for women to wear a bottom half twenty four hours a day

marly2 · 29/12/2021 09:33

My ex did this, didn't wash before bed generally as he showered in the morning and used to sweat at night. Once I managed to get him to leave I took the mattress to the tip. It had a horrid mark on the side he slept. 🤮 makes me shudder to think of it. Somehow he regarded my comments about needing to shower before bed and /or wearing something to bed and a later between him and the sheets/mattress as a bit prudish or controlling.

Almost2022 · 29/12/2021 09:35

We both wear our under wear to bed. Only wear PJs if its a really cold night. We tend to shower before bed as well.

justasking111 · 29/12/2021 09:36

I try not to think about drooling on pillows too much that's icky too

dworky · 29/12/2021 09:39

Your problem isn't pyjamas, it's your creep of a partner who doesn't respect your body autonomy.

CrumblyCrimble · 29/12/2021 09:40

I wouldn't dream of telling DH, an adult, what to wear in bed.
Also wouldn't tolerate the unwanted groping Shock

hugoagogo · 29/12/2021 09:41

I would be interested to see the research that backs up the idea that Medically ...it's not good for women to wear a bottom half twenty four hours a day
A lot of people seem to have that idea, but I can't see the logic of it.

Hotyogahotchoc · 29/12/2021 09:42

I feel the same OP

We have a young baby so I've got used to having the main bed to myself and baby but the other night DH slept in the bed without any bottoms on and I couldn't help but think how unhygienic it was!!

Inthesameboatatmo · 29/12/2021 09:46

First thing that jumps out at me is he seems like a sex pest and you are wearing pj's to put him off touching you.
Second of all is this. If you are genuinely wearing pj's because you really can't stand to sleep naked I am 100% the same . Whatever the weather I go to bed covered literally from neck to ankle I just can't stand it any other way .

supadupapupascupa · 29/12/2021 09:47

This is so bizarre to me! I just don't get this uncleanliness hysteria at all. Each to their own mind you.

Naked DH, bra for me (I'd suffocate if not) sometimes pants too. Occasionally nightdress but I get tangled in it.

Bed sheets washed infrequently. Daily showers never been a thing. Washing yes.

We smell like people. Healthy people. We don't stink.

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 29/12/2021 09:48

We both wear pyjamas, always have, that might just be a clean pair of pants and a vest for me in summer, or full trousers and long sleeves in winter, with various permutations in between. I wriggle a lot and often end up kicking the duvet off, if I don't wear pyjamas I wake up cold

PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2021 09:50

He’s a “sex pest” is really minimising what is happening. If he’s touching the op without consent, that’s assault. Married or not. Sleeping in the same bed or not. Sleeping naked or now.

Embracelife · 29/12/2021 09:54

@hugoagogo

I would be interested to see the research that backs up the idea that Medically ...it's not good for women to wear a bottom half twenty four hours a day A lot of people seem to have that idea, but I can't see the logic of it.
Indeed, see fir example www.today.com/health/doctors-discuss-what-causes-yeast-infections-vagina-odor-more-t130151

“Your vagina and vulva don’t have lungs. In fact, it is a no-oxygen environment,” Gunter said. “You don’t need to air anything out.”

Where is the research to the contrary?

Original poster
Because789 · 29/12/2021 09:58

Can I just say, I am not using OCD lightly but I would rather not have to explain my experience of it in every conversation I have where my thoughts don't match up with others. So please believe me when I say I am not just someone who likes things 'clean'. I've done a lot of work to physically hide my OCD/PTSD/anxiety, but it still gets me mentally and even having to write this I am sad because I know that now I will hyper focus on this all day when I really just wanted to have a light hearted discussion.

To those sharing similar experiences, thank you. I think it is a divided subject and didn't expect it to be so divided. Probably when I was younger I wouldn't mind the sleeping arrangements, but now I'm older, my body isn't beautiful, in exhausted from work and three non-school age children. But I think I will try and find a nice way to mention to my husband that I don't want to be touched in bed. I know that he has no idea it's being intrusive and would probably feel really upset if he thought he was upsetting me with it.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2021 10:03

*But I think I will try and find a nice way to mention to my husband that I don't want to be touched in bed.
You don’t need to find a nice way. Tell him clearly not to. Tell him you feel like you have no control over your own body if you choose to sleep naked. If he is not shocked and upset by that, you should be very concerned about what kind of man you are married to.

peridito · 29/12/2021 10:10

OP ,I feel sorry that there have been so many posts about your DH being a sex post !

I really understand where you are coming from and have been in a similar situation with the sweetest most loving guy .Yeah he had a high sex drive but it was lovely to be thought desirable .And he was very respectful to backing off .

Personally I wasn't keen on him leaping out of bed naked in the morning but ..so what .

Tal45 · 29/12/2021 10:20

The fact that you feel you have to wear clothes to stop him groping you is more than enough to give me the ick. If he's as reasonable as you seem to suggest then why don't you just ask him if he'd mind wearing pants to bed, it's really not a big deal - is it??

PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2021 10:21

OP, I feel sorry that there have been so many posts about your DH being a sex pest!

Why? Do you think people shouldn’t try and get the op to realise that behaviour from him is totally unacceptable?

BarbaraofSeville · 29/12/2021 11:00

@hohohohoh

All of you naked sleepers, how hot are your houses?? At this time of year I have a 13 tog duvet, thick PJs and a pair of bedsocks. I'd freeze to death if I was naked or just wearing a pair of pants.
Not hot at all, the heating (21C in the evening) goes off at 10 pm.

We both sleep naked except I wear a t shirt and socks in the winter and our quilt is 4.5 tog and we're generally plenty warm enough.

We would be far too hot and wouldn't sleep with more clothes or a thicker quilt. Do you sleep outside with all that?

melissasummerfield · 29/12/2021 11:13

@PurpleDaisies

OP, I feel sorry that there have been so many posts about your DH being a sex pest!

Why? Do you think people shouldn’t try and get the op to realise that behaviour from him is totally unacceptable?

What OP describes is initiating sex surely? As long as when she says no he accepts that then I really don’t see what the issue is, and certainly thing that we need to think before labelling someone a sexual predator!

I also think if you reversed this, and DH was demanding that his wife wear / not wear specific clothing to bed there would be uproar.

Kshhuxnxk · 29/12/2021 11:18

DP sleeps in the nude I never do. We are in charge of our own bodies so it's not up to the other to decide.

hohohohoh · 29/12/2021 11:36

I guess I just like a cold room but a warm bed. Heating on at about 17 upstairs, goes off at 9pm. Chilly loft room with ventilation slats open, so it's quite cold in the middle of the night. I sleep like a log if I'm wrapped up warm in a cold room, but very badly in eg an overheated hotel. Each to their own.

hohohohoh · 29/12/2021 11:46

And definitely agree that the OP has said nothing to indicate that her DH is a sex pest. The OP hardly ever sleeps naked, so it's a novelty when she does. If I suddenly got into bed naked (I almost never sleep naked), then DH would definitely guess I was doing it because I was in the mood. If we didn't have sex straight away, then there would definitely be wandering hands in the night. Of course, if I asked him to stop he would, though he might be slightly baffled as to why I was choosing to sleep naked (the same as if I suddenly decided to wear my sexiest underwear but just for my own reasons - of course it's my 'right' to do that, but it's hardly unreasonable of him to initially assume that I'd worn it for him). If someone sleeps naked all the time then that different - there would be no signal implied. And if OP has told her husband that she doesn't want to be touched and he persists, then that's also different. But she hasn't said that she has communicated this to him.