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Original poster

Who needs a man?

52 replies

FanGirlX · 28/12/2021 21:54

Single, early 40s, one young DD. Split with ex DP 4 months ago.

All DPs seem to do is cause problems. My two serious exes have both caused problems (financial and emotional that will be ongoing).

Am I too young to give up? At the moment I can't see what a DP would do to make my life better.

This isn't being helped by the men who match with me on OLD. Overweight, barely literate, 3 kids in tow. I've read on a few threads that men look for a woman to help them run their house, to me this just means being a skivvy to them and their kids. What do I get out of it? My mother says that I should be grateful for any male attention at my age. I look after myself though, I'm healthy, dress well, exercise.

OP posts:
Waftypants · 28/12/2021 21:58

Your mum's comment is the sort of thing that facilitates the patriarchy. Grateful for any man's attention. Fucking hell.

Original poster
FanGirlX · 28/12/2021 21:58

I also have a professional job and earn about twice the National average. I don't need a man financially either.

OP posts:
Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 28/12/2021 21:59

If anything happen to DH or us I would remain single forever. I simply couldn't be bothered.

Original poster
FanGirlX · 28/12/2021 22:00

@Waftypants

Your mum's comment is the sort of thing that facilitates the patriarchy. Grateful for any man's attention. Fucking hell.
I know, it's a shitty thing to say but she genuinely believes it. I'd rather be single than with someone who doesn't add value to my life.

Looking at her relationships, she's always let them be in charge.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 28/12/2021 22:02

I think it’s key to be absolutely happy and comfortable in your own skin before getting together with someone, and only doing so if they make your life better.

If you’re having to compromise too much on your side, you’re not happy, you’re not getting anything out of it, they’re leaning on you too much etc etc etc - don’t do it. You don’t need a man to be happy. BUT a great relationship is wonderful and being part of a partnership is brilliant.

But don’t settle

Sparkai · 28/12/2021 22:02

Honestly, I think the biological urge to have children seriously clouds so many women's judgement. And I say that as a women in her early thirties who is yet to have kids (but wants them).

It's not necessarily a bad thing, and shouldn't mean women excuse red flags, but low level annoyances are much more forgivable!

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 28/12/2021 22:06

Grateful for male attention????? No thanks I dont want some fat boring old man to skivvy for. I'm 60 and full of life and to date have not found anyone good enough for me. I'm not settling for second best thanks.

Original poster
FanGirlX · 28/12/2021 22:11

I read somewhere that single men are unhappy but single women are happier. Probably because single women don't have to skivvy.

I agree that a good partnership would add happiness to my life but their don't seem to be many men I'd be compatible with out there.

OP posts:
Amrapaali · 28/12/2021 22:13

I'm with you. Most men seem to be high maintenance narcissistic jerks.

Original poster
FanGirlX · 28/12/2021 22:15

@Amrapaali

I'm with you. Most men seem to be high maintenance narcissistic jerks.
Smug and opinionated. Despite being overweight and living in a bed sit, they seem to think they are catch of the day 😂
OP posts:
Original poster
FanGirlX · 28/12/2021 22:16

@FanGirlX

I read somewhere that single men are unhappy but single women are happier. Probably because single women don't have to skivvy.

I agree that a good partnership would add happiness to my life but their don't seem to be many men I'd be compatible with out there.

*there don't

Bloody autocorrect.

OP posts:
Downtherefordancing · 28/12/2021 22:42

I divorced 10 years ago in my mid 40’s and can hand on heart say I’m currently the happiest I’ve ever been. My marriage wasn’t abusive but he was unfaithful.

I now have a good job, my own house, and three amazing teenagers. I can’t see how any man could make my life any better.

grooveonthemove · 28/12/2021 23:11

I'm ten years divorced too and quite content. I have a good job, great friends and so much freedom. I had an amazing week's holiday in Greece this year with my best friend; we got drunk and danced every night with the waiters Xmas Blush

I do occasionally miss intimacy but then dabble in dating and get pissed off with needy, clingy men.

ALongHardWinter · 28/12/2021 23:45

Your mum really said that?! Fucking hell.

roarfeckingroarr · 29/12/2021 10:51

Men are useful for having children. I have a new partner now who seems genuinely kind, funny, smart and loyal, and I would like more children in a few years, but if that doesn't work out I'll probably sign off men. Although I really hated not having sex...

I see time and time again on here, women complaining that men just want casual sex, then simultaneously there are hundreds of threads where women are sick of domestic drudgery. Very few men make fulfilling, equal life partners. If I didn't want more DCs I would probably be happy with casual sex and an otherwise full life,

WildRosie · 29/12/2021 11:01

Lots of sweeping nonsensical statements here. I'm a single male. I am neither a skivvy, nor a jerk. I am neither high maintenance, nor a narcissist. And I don't have three children in tow; in fact, none. So thereWink.

CleanQueen123 · 29/12/2021 11:03

I feel the same. I turned 30 this year, have one DD, and don't want anymore.

A man would serve no useful purpose in my life.

Attictroll · 29/12/2021 11:11

Tbh if something happened to dp i wouldn't want or need another man. I'm 50 - can't have anymore kids, professional good income- I can't see the point or what value they could add.

Original poster
FanGirlX · 29/12/2021 18:14

@WildRosie

Lots of sweeping nonsensical statements here. I'm a single male. I am neither a skivvy, nor a jerk. I am neither high maintenance, nor a narcissist. And I don't have three children in tow; in fact, none. So thereWink.
Thanks for dropping by to explain that to us.
OP posts:
WildRosie · 29/12/2021 18:19

Not at all.

isthismylifenow · 29/12/2021 18:27

Your mother sounds like my father OP. It bothers him greatly that I don't have a man by my side. I'm 50 and single for 6 year and am in the best place mentally than I have been for years. I'm totally independent, in fact I am away at the moment and I am the only single woman here with my DC. It's a very adventure type place. A few of the older generation have been over to ask how we are getting on. 😂

If I were younger without DC I think it would be different. But I have no need for a partner, I have my DC and I just enjoy my own space and way of life.

I really have no interest in meeting anyone, so many people say oh the right one will come along. It seems to bother other people more than me. There is a very odd mindset out there, some people just don't get that not every woman needs or want a partner.

AliceWo · 29/12/2021 18:40

I can't see the point either, unless I met someone I fell for and really wanted to be with. I definitely wouldn't partner up with someone for the sake of it.

I'm in my 50s and don't need anyone financially or socially.

I do try OLD occasionally and get the barely literate / literate but have no idea how to hold a conversation types as well.

Moonface123 · 29/12/2021 18:53

There is absolutely nothing wrong in having a break from dating, it gives you time to focus on yourself and your children, also in alot of cases gives you great peace of mind, which is priceless.
l read a very good book called "The Man Diet" a few years ago, some very good insights on why taking a break from dating is so beneficial, invaluable advice.
l also listen to R C Blakes on youtube, he has five grown up daughters and gives brilliant advice re woman dating today. l wish l was able to listen to someone like him when l was younger. Reading up and listening to people like him puts you in a much stronger position for next time, or for simply living the best life alone, it takes self care to a new level.

Suprima · 29/12/2021 18:56

@FanGirlX

Single, early 40s, one young DD. Split with ex DP 4 months ago.

All DPs seem to do is cause problems. My two serious exes have both caused problems (financial and emotional that will be ongoing).

Am I too young to give up? At the moment I can't see what a DP would do to make my life better.

This isn't being helped by the men who match with me on OLD. Overweight, barely literate, 3 kids in tow. I've read on a few threads that men look for a woman to help them run their house, to me this just means being a skivvy to them and their kids. What do I get out of it? My mother says that I should be grateful for any male attention at my age. I look after myself though, I'm healthy, dress well, exercise.

No one needs a man at all

Unless they are making your life beautiful and making you feel special- there is no point to them.

So many women CoMpRoMiSe and cOMmUniCATe for men who add absolutely zero value to their life apart from occasionally taking the bins out

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/12/2021 18:56

I'm 31 and I gave up when I was 23 when I became a single mum.

I enjoy casual dating, sex, etc but a committed relationship would add absolutely nothing to my life. I like my freedom and not having to be a skivvy. My work colleague is in a happy marriage but even she says she buys all the Christmas presents etc for her husband's family. I asked why doesn't her husband do it and she said if she just left it to him it wouldn't get done. I literally don't know any woman that doesn't do little things like that because her partner just "doesn't do it" and I'm not buying into that sexist lifestyle.