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Original poster

Would you make teens visit family friends?

46 replies

StripyCamel · 28/12/2021 15:28

We are visiting friends tomorrow. Friends are fairly local and we see them probably once a month or so, usually alternating houses. We have DC’s roughly the same ages who were good friends when they were younger, but no so much now. No falling out or anything, just into different things.

DS is 15 and doesn’t want to come tomorrow. He’s obviously old enough to stay at home by himself. I think we shouldn’t make him come. DH thinks he should have to come. I’m sure our friends won’t mind either way. Older DC will still come with us.

Would you make him go, or leave him at home?

OP posts:
123rd · 28/12/2021 15:32

We have the same situation. Sometimes they come , sometimes they don't. It's worse if they sit there at the Friends house , not interacting. They would never be rude but can be less than sparkling company.
Also if you have spent lots of time together over Xmas it might be nice for them to some the house to themselves for a few hours.

Scotlass · 28/12/2021 15:32

Personally I'd leave him. There's nothing to cause an atmosphere than a stroppy teenager and a routine catch up with friends i wouldn't enforce him coming. Different if it was for a special occasion though.

Ovenaffray · 28/12/2021 15:32

I wouldn’t make him come no. These are your friends not his.

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15 year olds
BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/12/2021 15:35

Don’t make him go. I had this problem when mine were teens and my friend just didn’t get it. “Well it’s been in the diary for ages, they should be coming”! You can’t make them enjoy each other’s company.

LolaSmiles · 28/12/2021 15:36

Family friends often gets used to mean 'friendships between adults but the children would play together as younger children'. They're usually primarily adult friendships.

If it was a special event such then I'd say a 15 year old had to come. If it's the adults having a friendly catch up then I'd not expect a 15 year old to spend hours on superficial small talk with people they aren't friends with.

icedcoffees · 28/12/2021 15:37

No, of course not.

They're your friends, not his.

SpacePotato · 28/12/2021 15:38

Leave him at home.
At 15 I would've been bored shitless and annoyed being forced to visit my parents friends.

He's old enough to make that decision for himself.

Ohyesiam · 28/12/2021 15:38

No way

CruellaDeVilla · 28/12/2021 15:38

@LolaSmiles

Family friends often gets used to mean 'friendships between adults but the children would play together as younger children'. They're usually primarily adult friendships.

If it was a special event such then I'd say a 15 year old had to come. If it's the adults having a friendly catch up then I'd not expect a 15 year old to spend hours on superficial small talk with people they aren't friends with.

I agree
Original poster
StripyCamel · 28/12/2021 15:39

Thanks for all the responses. I don’t think it makes a difference, but we became friends through the DC’s. They were at primary school together for a year before friends moved. We stayed in touch as adults, but DC’s wouldn’t contact each other without us.

DH is still trying to insist he comes with us.

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 28/12/2021 15:41

Hard to say. DD (16) is very sociable and will happily visit anyone. She seems able to find the good in most people, even if they're very different from her. I don't think I would force her to go if she wasn't willing though.

Ovenaffray · 28/12/2021 15:42

Doesn’t matter how you became friends. The DC aren’t friends - it’s the adults that are.

Clymene · 28/12/2021 15:46

No I wouldn't. I only take children to things they don't want to do if they're too young to be left behind. Your son isn't.

Kite22 · 28/12/2021 15:49

I'd leave him. In just the same way that you won't be great mates with the parents of all his friends, there shouldn't be an expectation that he has to be great mates with the dc of your friends.

Don't make an issue of it - he'll probably come another time.

saraclara · 28/12/2021 16:29

If he's not going to go, at least give the other family notice. For all you know they've just told their DCs that they've got to be there as company for yours!

PizzasPlease · 28/12/2021 16:35

Will the friends' similarly aged child be expecting your ds to visit? Maybe they've planned a gaming session with snacks or something or a game of footy in the park? Or a movie sessionConfused.
I think I'd ask that he comes along this time.
If the kids don't interact much and it's awkward then I'd say he doesn't need to come anymore.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/12/2021 16:40

Of course I wouldn't make them go. What would be gained by forcing them to go?

gsaoej · 28/12/2021 16:41

No I wouldn’t.

He isn’t friends with their kids.

FlyingPandas · 28/12/2021 16:44

@saraclara

If he's not going to go, at least give the other family notice. For all you know they've just told their DCs that they've got to be there as company for yours!
Yes - this!

I wouldn't make him come, but I'd give advance notice - either a text or phone call explaining the situation and apologising for his absence. Most parents of teens will totally understand and possibly even be relieved if it means they can also let their DC do their own thing.

Regardless of how friendships originated, when it's a social event driven primarily by the adults then I think you have to be a bit flexible and respect the fact that teens may not want to attend.

MrsDThomas · 28/12/2021 16:46

Absolutely not. I stopped taking mine a long time ago and its the perfect excuse for me to avoid places too

sofakingcool · 28/12/2021 16:47

No I wouldn't.

We were made to visit family friends when teens and even as adults my parents have an expectation of us to visit when they do. They aren't my friends?! Nice enough people, but once old enough children should have a choice.

allupsidedown · 28/12/2021 17:01

My SIL doesn't even get my nephews and niece to come and say hello to us when we visit them. They sometimes aren't even told we are coming and make plans to go out. My younger kids get so excited to see their idolised older cousins but SIL says they have their own lives to live which made us a little sad.
Last time we visited my nephew spotted our car though and sprinted home giving my kids masses of hugs as they were getting out of the car.
I wouldn't force them to do anything unless they are just doing nothing but lying in bed for days. Then I might suggest that getting out and about would do them some good.

notacooldad · 28/12/2021 17:05

During their .I'd teens mine would cine to my friends for the odd bbq or whatever.
Now they are you g adults they will normally come over with out hesitation when they are in tied and enjoy friends company as an adult to adult. The dynamic has shifted now they are older.

notacooldad · 28/12/2021 17:07

Crikey what a load of typos in my last post.!!
Sorry.

Herecomesthesun70 · 28/12/2021 17:09

No way would I want a teenager dragged along they're awful company at the best of times.