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Original poster

Where do you go for help with caring?

99 replies

newyear2022 · 27/12/2021 14:21

Relative I’m carer for appears to suddenly need 24/7 help - with absolutely everything .

No other nearby family, friends, or neighbours . Social work are involved apparently but not provided me any contact details for Christmas .

I’m absolutely exhausted . Relative can’t do anything beyond get self dressed and use the toilet and wash and even then they need assistance . Wandering the house or staring into space 24/7 . Can’t be left alone for more than 5-10 minutes .

I’m totally out my depth and can’t walk out as I’m scared social will insist they go in a home . I can’t even go for a shower as I’m concerned relative will walk off .

111 have a 2 hour + wait and even then they’ll say it’s a chronic issue that they can’t help with .

I’ve got a GP appointment booked for the 11th . What do I mean time?

OP posts:
Original poster
newyear2022 · 27/12/2021 14:48

@Bonbon21

Seriously, has she been checked for a urine infection?? A UTI completely changes people and untreated can have serious longterm affects. I see you are reluctant regarding her going into care, but surely her safety ( and everybody elses) must take priority. At some point you will have to go your own home and take up your normal life, if she has other family at whatever distance you have to be honest with them. And if they dont like the way you handle this situation, suggest they step in and fix it!! A referral to the rapid response team is the way to go. Or contact her gp surgery and tell them you are leaving and its up to them... they have a duty of care.... You have to be tough and be prepared to not be polite. Kick ass where necessary.
I’ll ask 111 if they can check, I’m on hold to them just now so hopefully someone answers. Said 90 minutes at half past so guessing that’ll be by half 4 or so .

Will also try Googling for emergency care numbers . She has a connected community alarm but I think that’s for falls and that only . She’s still wandering around . Last night she asked me where ‘the girls’ were and that was hard as that’s my sister and I, and realised she doesn’t always know me, can’t figure out why .

OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 27/12/2021 14:59

The community alarm people will have a list of contacts for social care, mental health etc. I'd give them a call.

If all else fails, dial 101 and speak to the police. Explain how unwell she is and that no one will help you, and there will be a point very soon where you need to leave to go home. It's not strictly a police matter, but they deal with this more than we know. They'll know who to call.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 27/12/2021 14:59

As others have said please check for.uti this happened to my husband's mother.

I suppose it could also be by the vaccine but unlikely.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Care homes General health
Original poster
newyear2022 · 27/12/2021 15:06

Spoke to a receptionist at psychiatric unit who said as mum hasn’t got ‘enhanced access’ (I’m guessing that means that they can be admitted more rapidly or something) that I need to go through 111 and OOH GP .

Tbh I’m now starting to wonder if I’m making too much of a din, but my sister came round last night (has her own SEN and can’t help - she gets carers herself) and said ‘can’t live like this, you need to get help’) .

I’ve settled mum with colouring books and pens for now - for how long? - and going to try and get a wash before NHS answer the phone .

They have mentioned sectioning and rehab beds before, but never seem to actually do it iyswim, just have lots of meetings . Latest meeting they said they’ll meet again in Jan to discuss best way forward - said that will be neuropsych, psychiatrist, neurology and SW.

OP posts:
Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2021 15:16

If she's just suddenly got worse than she usually is, it screams infection to me. Is there any chance you can get a urine sample from her ready for a hcp to check?

WhoWants2Know · 27/12/2021 15:57

Your local adult social care team should have a duty team who can answer the phone even on bank holidays.

Also depending on your relative's diagnosis, there may be other sources of support. For example, the Alzheimer's Society has a Dementia Connect service that you can call 7 days a week. They can recommend assistive tech that will allow you to shower without worrying about someone wandering off.

R0tational · 27/12/2021 16:04

Strange how similar to (early onset) dementia it sounds but there must be a reason the HC professionals ruled it out. It sounds really stressful and you are totally right to get help - glad your sister gave you that 'permission' too as it sounds like you needed it.

Original poster
newyear2022 · 27/12/2021 16:12

@R0tational

Strange how similar to (early onset) dementia it sounds but there must be a reason the HC professionals ruled it out. It sounds really stressful and you are totally right to get help - glad your sister gave you that 'permission' too as it sounds like you needed it.
She has history of that to be fair - stuff looking very serious and then it turns out to not be - she had seizures for years and years that looked incredibly like epilepsy, but turned out not to be . GP thinks this is very similar and apparently consultants agree . It’s the gathering thing that’s bewildered me, I’ve only ever seen that in very unwell people or in care homes . She’s got a handbag full of teddies and another full of her possessions eg toothbrush, a photo of her grandparents, clothes, odd socks, a hundred phone chargers, letters etc .

I’ve had to hide a lot of her things - letters and photos and stuff as she rips them up, or loses them .

She’s been pacing for four hours now … have asked her to sit with me and she just gets back up and starts again.

Hopefully 111 answer soon, they’ve cut me off three times so far and each time start the queue again so still got 70 minutes at least to wait .

OP posts:
AlaskaThunderfuckHiiiiiiiii · 27/12/2021 16:20

@newyear2022 I used to date a man who had a form of epilepsy seizures but not classic fitting, he would be totally normal and then just suddenly change, wouldn’t recognise who you were, ripped things up, wonder around the house and even occasionally would become violent

Original poster
newyear2022 · 27/12/2021 16:38

Spoke to a mental health nurse (pressing the mental health option on NHS24 got me there faster) . She said she’s concerned for both mum and I and has put it down as an adult protection concern, said mum should have PRN diazepam as was prescribed a while ago .

Said same thing as me - pacing, and gathering stuff isn’t normal behaviour .

Going to order a pizza for tea as I’m knackered.

OP posts:
countbackfromten · 27/12/2021 17:00

@newyear2022 this sounds like a crisis point and there will be a crisis team available for an urgent assessment and if not, going to an emergency department for an urgent assessment by the mental health team is definitely something that can happen. And is entirely appropriate.

Original poster
newyear2022 · 27/12/2021 19:29

[quote countbackfromten]@newyear2022 this sounds like a crisis point and there will be a crisis team available for an urgent assessment and if not, going to an emergency department for an urgent assessment by the mental health team is definitely something that can happen. And is entirely appropriate.[/quote]
Thank you, that’s my last resort yes (A&E), I hate to say it but I told 111 either I was going to snap (shout at mum, I mean) or walk out and I think that’s concerned them . Hopefully they can help . Family said a nursing home would be the end of mum (as care home we looked into said they have high levels of violence and challenging behaviour, and mum would be locked in for safety - and visits limited because of covid . Mums terrified of violence as her dad did enough of that hence situation now ) . Plus there’s hardly any homes for under 60s .

It’s so hard when you’re trying to have a wash and she’s constantly asking if I have her phone and I keep finding used toilet roll on the floor and mum barely even talks to me now, just bites her hands ... it’s bloody horrible .

OP posts:
Original poster
newyear2022 · 27/12/2021 20:19

She’s now telling me she’s seeing people in the house and I don’t know what to do . There aren’t people in the house with us, just me and mum . Would 999 be wrong?

OP posts:
Hen2018 · 27/12/2021 20:26

I’m no expert but I’d certainly agree with calling 999.

kerstina · 27/12/2021 21:15

My mom has quite advanced dementia/ Alzheimer's and does a lot of the things which you mention but I can see why health care practitioners want to investigate other mental health conditions as if it is pychotic depression it can be treated and be reversed but dementia cannot be and if placed in a home could just deteriorate . I think it sounds like a section would be best thing for her for assessment and the right medication . Don't give up on her yet ,she could get through this .

Pebbles16 · 27/12/2021 21:56

For your own sanity I think you need to call the emergency services. This is an emergency for both your Mum and yourself. Sending support

gogohm · 27/12/2021 22:00

If you are at the end of your tether you need to drive her to a&e - social services can help but realistically it takes 1-2 months to sort out the paperwork. If you can self fund it's far quicker of course but still several days.

Yes I've had to take a relative to a&e with severe dementia that rapidly got worse (vascular)

gogohm · 27/12/2021 22:03

999 is an option of course if you can't get her in the car

gogohm · 27/12/2021 22:04

By the way only larger a&es tend to have good mental health provision in house, worth working out the best option

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 27/12/2021 22:09

Sounds like she’s hallucinating - can you take her to A&E?

MysticCT · 27/12/2021 22:18

This happened to someone I know, it looked like dementia but it was a severe mentall breakdown She had suffered abuse from her dad as a child and always had very poor mental health as an adult .It took about six months but she recovered fully.
Hopefully you can get the help you both need soon.

TimeIhadaSeasonalNameChange · 27/12/2021 22:54

I hope you've managed to get her to hospital. How scary this must be, for both of you.

Original poster
newyear2022 · 28/12/2021 09:44

GP rang at about 1am and said it just sounds like stress to her and nothing anyone can do from an OOH perspective - best to just ring her own GP tomorrow morning …

It is absolutely exhausting, I don’t know what to do for the best at all . I have to do absolutely everything so finances, cleaning, tidying, remembering appts, mums medications, etc .

Even the things of you had a wee one theh could do themselves like brushing their teeth or using the toilet or getting washing to the machine or washing a few dishes . Mum won’t do any of those things . The other day I (stupidly, I exhausted myself) tried to cook xmas dinner and when sister and I handed her the plate she somehow manages to pour it all over the floor?!

A couple of my aunties said to ring them any time over xmas that I’m worried or tired but don’t want to bother them and not really sure what they could do either unfortunately .

OP posts:
Sooverthemill · 28/12/2021 09:55

If relatives have said you can call them, then call them! Honestly they have offered and you are at breaking point. Not quite the same but I once had to drive my now ex DH to A&E and leave him there when his MH took a turn for the extreme and I couldn't cope. It was the only way I could get help on NYE

languagelover96 · 28/12/2021 10:13

Call them.