If you're on the 'mumsnet six figures' salary what do you do and what geographical region is the role in?

[flashbac]

I'd love to earn six figures and keen to look into how I could make this happen if possible.

LuchiMangsho
That’s helpful.
From what I’ve heard it’s much more normal to put children in camp over summer there, makes sense as all the working mums I know finding the summer is the killer.
I think covid has opened the door to lots more working from home too, hopefully that will make career progression easier for women with children in the years to come.
When my kids were small there wasn’t any options for 4/5/6 year olds during the summer in our area. I’m seeing more now which is also a really positive thing for working parents- although the costs are obviously very high.

@JMary2021

Sorry to hijacker’s a bit. As a SAHM I’ve been reading and feeling very inspired but ever so slightly like I gave up too easily. Just wondering in all honesty if most of you feel the support around you was a big factor (as it would be for a man and certainly was for my husband to be successful).

I gave up my job after my second child as my husband worked longer hours then a nursery would cover and I had to work away. We didn’t have family who could consistently help out. After this I did a few part time jobs but actually found things harder when kids went to school. There were child minders who we could have used after school but the 6 week holidays were impossible to cover even part time. Did you/ do you use holiday clubs, take alternative leave to the children’s other parent, do you have grandparents helping out? These holidays… were always such an impossible hurdle for me with every job and still are if I’m honest.

My mum got a PHD as a single mum of 4 children, worked full time… (although even now as a professor will never hit 6 figure salary). But openly admits she could never have done it without my grandmother and all the childcare she did.

Not meaning to go against the ‘just put your mind to it’ mentality, which I really do wish I had had a bit more of at the time. Just wondering how much family, friends, a school with good wrap around care you all feel came into the equation.
Maybe I’m just feeling a bit like I should have tried harder. No violin strings here though, healthy happy life. Just sometimes think what if….

Also hats off to all your ladies. Amazing role models.

Another also, I think those posting about DH salaries just misunderstood the question. Replies to them are a little harsh. They were just trying to help out by letting people know what roles hit that salary mark not realising the thread was more about jobs women have managed to progress to that point in.

This is such a cop out.

Just wondering in all honesty if most of you feel the support around you was a big factor (as it would be for a man and certainly was for my husband to be successful).

No. We had no family support. Just use childcare, it's not rocket science. For school holidays, use some holiday clubs and some annual leave. This is not hard to understand or organise.

Such a cop out for SAHMs to think their husband's couldn't have their career without your support. I'm embarrassed for you of course they could. I have a stellar career with a husband who works full time. When both people work, you simply use childcare.

HandScreen
Wow. Your message is very rude.

I’m not saying you couldn’t have. I’m genuinely asking how people managed the childcare as it was a huge factor for me in giving up my job. I’m inspired by you ladies and wanted to know more on how you managed childcare.
I thought this was a safe space to ask how much support people got and to ponder on my decision all those years ago. I also have a much younger son so am wondering if I should just go for it now he’s at nursery.
I had my first child 14 years ago, holiday care was very different back then and is very dependant on area. You certainly would not have found anywhere to put children in the first few years of primary school in normal working hours let alone my working hours.
Not that I have to explain myself but my husband left for work at 7am and was often not home until gone 10pm (director of a company he was building up from scratch). My job entailed working away for 2/3 nights at a time, there was certainly no where that would have taken 2 children for hours like that. I had no family to help. When I then tried other jobs I was often told as a junior member of staff I didn’t get holiday priority and everyone wanted half terms/ summer holidays… off. As soon as his hours got more predictable I retrained as a fitness instructor and held classes in the evenings once my children were in bed and he was home to avoid childcare costs. Please don’t use the word ‘cop out’ I find it degrading and unsupportive of another mother just trying her best.

I can also catogicalljy tell you my husband would not be where he is now if I had worked full time (I would be in a different place so it’s all swings and roundabouts).

Please try to be kind.

@Snoopsnoggysnog

Well duh - in a thread asking fir different viewpoints, someone had a different experience to you. No shit sherlock!

🤣🤣

Doctor working in NHS only, no private practice. Senior leadership role as well as clinical work.

I work at the intersection of finance and real estate, in London. I have a degree, plus masters and a professional qualification, and around 15 years of experience. There are extremely few senior women doing my kind of job.

I was basically an all-rounder and could have gone into other things.

But whenever it's come to decision time it's seemed that the men were in the higher paid more finance type jobs and the women in the ones which sounded more interesting or creative but which paid less. I realised I was on track for a less well paid career and managed to pivot into the one with the higher earning potential. It probably comes less naturally to me but I find it just as interesting and satisfying so I figured I might as well get paid more.

It is fairly high stress and I often work in the evenings after my kids are in bed. But it's not crazy hours.

My husband also works full time although in a less well paid job. His is very flexible so mostly drop offs and pick ups are OK. We use after school club and holiday club.

I found after mat leave I was viewed probably as less committed and didn't seem to get promoted. I eventually moved companies because of this. It probably helps that there is now pressure for teams in my industry to at least have a little bit of diversity as it's generally ALL white middle class men.

JMary
When the DC were young we had no family support as we live hundreds of miles away from mine and on a different continent to DH's. My career did take some priority but we both worked. DH did shift work so he worked evenings e.g. 5pm - 1am. We used a childminder to bridge the swap over from 4:30-6:30pm. I would WFH once the DC had gone to bed. We lived in a smaller property closer to where we both worked in London rather than a larger one further out to reduce the commute.
When he could he worked weekends so he would be off during the week.

This covered holidays too. We might each take two weeks off but only take 7-10 days together.

Once the DC were in school it was easier as they could be dropped at 8am and there was after school care until 6pm (private school).
Eventually, DH started his own business so he had a bit more flexibility.
It got a lot easier once they hit their teens.

We have paid for 99% of all childcare for three kids for the past 8 years. V limited family support. Not non existent but if the ‘cover 2 days of nanny sick leave’ kinda cover in the pre WFH world. My parent have only just reited and live I. Another country so were v limited on what they could help with. So I paid too dollar for excellent nanny care. Not just a nice girl but someone who was absolutely committed and professional and understood how much they meant to us as a family. And we therefore also were decent supportive employers.

It wasn’t easy (5 weeks off for medical issues was horrific at one point) but overall. The consistency of care and the ability to ask and give favours and be a team was great. Cost a fucking fortune and our childcare bill is only now below our mortgage but worth every penny.

My husband also fucking did his share. He could have been a partner at a US law firm. But then I’d not be working. So we’ve both made sacrifices. And I think we are better for it overall

@JMary2021

Just wondering in all honesty if most of you feel the support around you was a big factor (as it would be for a man and certainly was for my husband to be successful)

We had no family nearby or even within "emergency" reach. So no regular help with care unless we paid for it. We used childminders and nannies. My DC are adults - school breakfast clubs, after school clubs etc did not exist other than by exception in mainstream schools, holiday clubs were rare.

We juggled a lot and at one point I started my own business to reduce my travel commitments and set my own T&C with clients. I know quite a few women who did this, some simply to keep their feet in the game, others like me to manage the "how" of work rather than the nature of it. This was the era also of no paid maternity leave (other than six weeks at statutory level) and I was in a very male, white environment.

In the long term that decision to drop off the standard ladder for a while paid dividends as it gave me a different dimension of experience which my "lifer" colleagues lack and which clients like.

It was hard going at times but when DH fell ill and ultimately had to give up work whilst we had four school age children I was massively thankful I'd never listened to all those people so keen to tell me it wasn't possible. I was never overly influenced by those telling me I was morally wrong to be doing more than a "little job" when i had a husband and DC but inside I cursed them for the women I knew left high and dry after following their advice.

I also know women who took a number of years out and then retrained to a different job entirely. The point is to have an objective about what you want and aim for it with a plan.

@JMary2021 I did have support - both sets of grandparents would take my DD for 1-2 weeks each in summer holidays. My ExH also was a professor, so had time free in the holiday and I would take some annual leave. (And he continues to do a genuine 50%)

But it was still very hard. I made the conscious choice only to have one child. I knew the GPs loved their hands on role with my dd but would struggle to do the same with two children. It would also have made childcare costs much higher, and sapped my energy much more for pushing forward with my career. And I felt it would rob my dd of the focussed time I could spend with her.

Another conscious choice I had was to move out of a low paid career (think artist kind of thing) to climb my way up in big business.

I also worked bloody hard. E.g: I did an executive MBA over two years - the first when dd was born and I was on maternity leave, then with 1 year old baby, while working full time. In the second year, I would study late into the night, baby in lap or feeding, then get up in the morning, taking baby with me on hour long commute, drop her at day care, go to work, work full day, collect her, commute back, get her all sorted. Study, sleep. Repeat.

I'm more relaxed now and am able to call the shots more, but I would very much go the extra mile in the early parts of my business career. Eg working until 2-3 am some nights to deliver for somebody important, again all while dd was sleeping. I'd say I spent a good decade unspeakably exhausted but got valuable qualifications and delivered some exceptional results in that decade that set me up well.

That said, I know many of us work equally hard or harder in lower paid and more emotionally or physically stressful jobs. It's unfair but the result of the commercial world we live in. The field you end up pushing yourself in really does make a huge difference.

I think we owe it to our daughters to be clear about this. We tend to say to teenagers 'find your passion'. I am not sure this is quite right. I think the advice should be 'you have a choice to do lots of things.... with lots of pros and cons, including financial... the financial aspect will make a difference to your life in these ways... so best look for something you like, you think you can be really good at, and will give you the ability to make the life choices you want."

We had zero family support. So got a full time nanny. Costs more than the mortgage but there you go. By far the best solution if you can afford it.

You have to be realistic though, even with a Ft nanny you have to juggle and negotiate. Unless you have two which a few people I’ve known has. What that means in practice is not both simultaneously having jobs with a lot of travel, not both having to drop everything at zero notice ALL the time. When we have Dc1 Dh has the lots of travel, many late nights at no notice job. So whilst I had a senior and well paid job I worked hard at I didn’t go for some of the more highly paid jobs that would have also involved travel/drop everything. My work then was broadly a little more flexible so I could cram the extra it into one or two very late nights in the office and be home for bedtime the rest. Of course it would have been great for him had I really stepped back but that wasn’t going to happen and pushed him to do his share. It was hard, I was in a hard tough environment against people with no kids or a Stay at home partner so they could work like they had no commitments which I couldn’t. But no way was I waving the white flag.

A number of years down the line and a few job changes for us both DH has pretty steady hours with flexibility and I have the job with more international travel and more evening calls. Had I given up because it was too hard when the children were little I would not have that now. But still not earning close to what I could do had I been willing to go into top end city private practice as a partner. And the women know with the very top jobs either don’t have kids or the father is the primary carer.

JMary2021

Sorry to hijacker’s a bit. As a SAHM I’ve been reading and feeling very inspired but ever so slightly like I gave up too easily. Just wondering in all honesty if most of you feel the support around you was a big factor (as it would be for a man and certainly was for my husband to be successful).

I gave up my job after my second child as my husband worked longer hours then a nursery would cover and I had to work away. We didn’t have family who could consistently help out. After this I did a few part time jobs but actually found things harder when kids went to school. There were child minders who we could have used after school but the 6 week holidays were impossible to cover even part time. Did you/ do you use holiday clubs, take alternative leave to the children’s other parent, do you have grandparents helping out? These holidays… were always such an impossible hurdle for me with every job and still are if I’m honest.

My mum got a PHD as a single mum of 4 children, worked full time… (although even now as a professor will never hit 6 figure salary). But openly admits she could never have done it without my grandmother and all the childcare she did.

Not meaning to go against the ‘just put your mind to it’ mentality, which I really do wish I had had a bit more of at the time. Just wondering how much family, friends, a school with good wrap around care you all feel came into the equation.
Maybe I’m just feeling a bit like I should have tried harder. No violin strings here though, healthy happy life. Just sometimes think what if….

Also hats off to all your ladies. Amazing role models.

Another also, I think those posting about DH salaries just misunderstood the question. Replies to them are a little harsh. They were just trying to help out by letting people know what roles hit that salary mark not realising the thread was more about jobs women have managed to progress to that point in."

We had very little family support so it's been a case of full-time nursery fees and now breakfast club & after school clubs. School holidays are covered through a mixture of annual leave, holiday clubs and general tag-teaming when both DH & I are WFH.

Having a supportive DH has helped with my recent career progression but I have gotten to where I am due to hard work and being resilient.

Lawyer
South West
History and ethic degree - First

@jennymac31 I had no family support at all

Just hired ah pairs, threw money at it. Was never ever going to give up financial independence to a man! But I was born 80s so different for my generation I've never met a housewife.

Get back into it, life is short and work is very satisfying

None here either, used nursery, childminder and then after school clubs. Used to feel sick in May Tring to sort the summer. Did holiday clubs initially but eventually it worked out cheaper to have a non live in nanny - I shared one with a family that didn't use her over the summer as they had family over them to look after their kids.

Got muh easier once the youngest was 10+

I do have help from parents but to be fair we only use it for 3 weeks in the summer holidays, they go to each grandparent for 1 week each. We could outsource that if needed but as we dont live near them it makes everyone happy to do that.

We manage the rest of the holidays between DH and I, and have always managed the day to day care between ourselves and day care. It helps I have a very 9-5 M-F role with lots of flexibility, DH does not, it would be much more of a struggle if we both did what he does but I know families that manage it (military).

@JMary2021

Sorry to hijacker’s a bit. As a SAHM I’ve been reading and feeling very inspired but ever so slightly like I gave up too easily. Just wondering in all honesty if most of you feel the support around you was a big factor (as it would be for a man and certainly was for my husband to be successful).

I gave up my job after my second child as my husband worked longer hours then a nursery would cover and I had to work away. We didn’t have family who could consistently help out. After this I did a few part time jobs but actually found things harder when kids went to school. There were child minders who we could have used after school but the 6 week holidays were impossible to cover even part time. Did you/ do you use holiday clubs, take alternative leave to the children’s other parent, do you have grandparents helping out? These holidays… were always such an impossible hurdle for me with every job and still are if I’m honest.

My mum got a PHD as a single mum of 4 children, worked full time… (although even now as a professor will never hit 6 figure salary). But openly admits she could never have done it without my grandmother and all the childcare she did.

Not meaning to go against the ‘just put your mind to it’ mentality, which I really do wish I had had a bit more of at the time. Just wondering how much family, friends, a school with good wrap around care you all feel came into the equation.
Maybe I’m just feeling a bit like I should have tried harder. No violin strings here though, healthy happy life. Just sometimes think what if….

Also hats off to all your ladies. Amazing role models.

Another also, I think those posting about DH salaries just misunderstood the question. Replies to them are a little harsh. They were just trying to help out by letting people know what roles hit that salary mark not realising the thread was more about jobs women have managed to progress to that point in.

No. My support was afterschopl clubs and an employer/position that was flexible.

Wheb I first became a single parent, I was in far less money. Not long after becoming a a single parent household, I got a promotion. Then another which was the 6 figures, at that point my employer gave flexibility bug also expected it. They pay far above average so senior staff can have extra help. So I decided a nanny was easier. I have a big age gap so didn't need childcare for 2. But if both people earn well and need full time childcare for 2, a nanny is often cheaper.

The kids did see their dad, but he is useless so they don't anymore.

At one point, because they believed exhs lies, I stopped speaking to my parents. When I worked I a call centre when my oldest was young, they would have dd if I was working over time. Not if it was start of my usual work week or socialising.

Now I dont need childcare for either child, but do also have a dp. He working hours means he is here when they get home but he doesn't need to be.

I am nearly 40. Lots of women my age are still in the midsts of small children or have recently taken several years out. My career took off mid to late 30s.

Having kids younger, seems to have helped my career.

In regards to people doing mentioning their dhs wage, it happens on every thread like this.

Hi ladies - so just wanted to say - started today - TOTALLY OVERWHELMED. Had six hours of meetings full of acronyms and corporate jargon and now feel like I want to hide under my duvet for the test of time!!!!!! PLEASE tell me someone started a new big job and felt like this??? I have SCREAMING imposter symdrome!!!

Hi pjs

Totally normal. I am a consultant so I walk into new roles every 9 months or so and I usually allow for at least a week of being totally overwhelmed and then a couple of weeks of finding my feet.
You’ll be fine. Spend some time on the intranet learning the structure of the company (or your division). Use structure charts if the have them to get an overview of the hierarchy and don’t be afraid to ask.

@pjsgalore

Hi ladies - so just wanted to say - started today - TOTALLY OVERWHELMED. Had six hours of meetings full of acronyms and corporate jargon and now feel like I want to hide under my duvet for the test of time!!!!!! PLEASE tell me someone started a new big job and felt like this??? I have SCREAMING imposter symdrome!!!

I have SCREAMING imposter symdrome!!!

So do all the men, they just blag better.

• Keep intranet directories open permanently for quick look ups
• get a handle on the hierarchy quickly so that you can understand the hierarchy of requests.
• build a picture of the key influencers in each space, who may not be the top ranking person.
• Google for acronyms but if internal, simply ask

Keep your own notes on who you have met each day with a one liner to describe their role in your own words.

Find out which teams you need to engage with to complete your own work and get to know them before you start sending work their way. In general check out processes you need to follow to deliver work.

Ask "obvious" questions, people generally like to be helpful. Think of it as a bunch of new friends to make or interesting people to meet rather than an intimidating group.

Learn how their performance management process really works in practice and prep for it.

You will be fine!

While I agree with you on the one hand HandScreen, my DH would have struggled to make the rapid career rise he did had I not been able to pick up after him regularly. He has been successful because he had agreed to do international travel at the last minute, and go that late night meeting in someone else's place. When I was working, that just wasn't always possible, as someone needed to collect the children. We don't have family support, so one of us always needs to be able to get to collection/ drop-off, and without a nanny, that wasn't always going to be possible. He has left one his male colleagues several rungs behind him, and that is largely because colleague had to leave the office at 4.45 to commute out and collect child.

While I appreciate that had we both been in six figure salaries, nannies etc might have been an option, that was not the case here.