Communal eating…..requires both graciousness and also awareness of others. Being first served in a large group, then gobbling so you’ve finished before everyone has even started and helping yourself to lots more…..so obviously rude and lacking social awareness. It’s the kind of thing some teenagers might do because they know no better….but up to parents to tell them. Even less acceptable from fully grown adults who seem to only think about themselves.
Hosts need to be gracious in the face of poor manners. However, hosts an also manage these situations so that things work well. Quite often, some of these issues arise because hosts don’t think through the issues of getting food out to larger numbers. Putting all the food out to start getting cold and only then putting out cold plates, or slowly serving each individual rather than having any help yourself stuff, all creates tension, cold food and is likely to lead to more selfish behaviour.
Key things which help with serving large groups and ensuring a balance of access to food and people not feeling pressurised are;
- hot dinner plates which will keep food warm a bit longer
- host dishing up a main meat item and letting guests help themselves to side dishes from heated bowls
- getting everyone to sit down together and bringing things out fast…the old fashioned hostess trolley helps here
- ensuring things like serving spoons, hot plates, condiments are all in table to start
- in some situations suggesting an indication of starting quantities (esp useful with teenage boys) - ‘maybe start with 4 roast potatoes…there will be more for seconds later’
- putting the main dish/meat back in the oven or hostess trolley to keep warm after serving - both keeps it warm ans allows hostess to judge when the right time to bring back out is for seconds serving
- host keeping an eye on the progress of the meal. At the point where a proportion of the table have finished, perhaps saying ‘we can have seconds in a few minutes. Who might be interested in some extra meat/veg etc’. Quite simply asking the question before people start helping themselves, hopefully means people speak up and those prone to take lots, get a sense that others are interested too. This will help some rein it in with their portions, although not all.
- Host can also say to anyone who is less quick or vocal about coming forward ‘Grandpa, do you think you’d like some extra potatoes when you’re ready’ before launching the hoardes onto seconds.
Some of how you handle it depends on numbers. The larger the group, the more management mind be needed. Some people might even not have everything g in the serving bowls, but keep some back and only bring it out later if they feel people would still like extras.
Those I’ve seen who are regular hosts to large numbers, often have this stuff down to a tee. I’ve observed that when they’re serving 20+ they often serve smallish first portions. It means less waste as some people are small eaters, and that then means there are seconds for those who’d like more. They always seems to serve at least the meat, or main dish because they know how much there is and by doing this, ensure everyone gets some and it doesn’t run out. They also seem to own hostess trolley or heated serving dishes/mats which keep food warm for longer and own copious amounts of serving dishes and spoons. They also place things so guests can easily reach the dishes or access them in a sensible order, which helps the flow.
Worst case scenario hosted by those less familiar…..delicious buffets which are a total free for all….early guests take large portions of the main dish or other dishes, resulting in key items running out well before everyone has had some. It’s not that the event was under catered at all, simply the food was not managed. Some people might have been a bit greedy, others would have had no sense at all that filling half their plate with salmon, when there were 15 dishes of different items on the table, wasn’t the idea. If the host had cut the salmon into portion sizes upfront, or served that item, the issue could have been removed. It’s mostly just experience.