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Original poster

How to tactfully leave a family WhatsApp group

59 replies

frustrateddotcodotuk · 26/12/2021 15:54

DH has a family WhatsApp group with parents and siblings. I am the only 'non-blood' in there and was added during covid to help communicate. 6 people in total.

There are a lot of frustrating and sometimes hurtful things that his family do. There has been lots of frustrating anti-vax sprouted by a sister for example, and currently the whole lot of them are pissed with us for not socialising with them while one is covid positive, and there has been a lot of WhatsApp drama about it. DH always agrees with me, but is very much 'keep the peace', and as it his family I want to respect it. (Although it drives me crazy as I am very straight talking).

WRT to the whatsapp group I can see 3 options

  1. (my preferred option) I tell them I am leaving because I don't want to be in the group anymore (could add more detail about why?) -- DH says no as will cause upset and drama

  2. (what I am currently doing) put group on silent and ignore. -- DH not happy as very obvious I am silent as only 6 of us

  3. (my least favourite option) continue to pander and pretend it doesn't make me want to scratch my eyes out 'Awww cute pic of you cuddling your sis while you are covid positive and she's pregnant and unvaccinated!! CUTE!!!!!!'

We don't see them that often despite living nearby. But I am part of this WhatsApp group that just causes constant frustrating and upset.

Is their a fourth option?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 26/12/2021 17:01

Mute it. My local whatsapp group is muted.

Either that or just leave. If anyone asks just say youre trimming down your social media groups for your new years resolution

adviceplease2039 · 26/12/2021 17:07

i was in the exact same boat and just left. they asked my partner why i’d gone and he made an excuse and they dropped it. just leave!

Kite22 · 26/12/2021 17:20

You can just leave the group without any announcement, but if you want a 'white lie' you can use the excuse suggested above, about cutting down on SM use.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
christingle2 · 26/12/2021 17:23

@HoneyItAlreadyDid

I was part of a work one that could be very intense and one day one woman just said “Just going to leave the group for a bit, having phone trouble and going to see if deleting what’s app helps. Bye!” And she never came back.

Fairly sure she’d just had enough and was too polite to say.

I like this route
DroopyClematis · 26/12/2021 17:29

I'm in a few WhatsApp groups.
I don't respond to every message.

Booklover3 · 26/12/2021 17:31

We have this. I’ve put it on silent

Original poster
frustrateddotcodotuk · 26/12/2021 17:38

Thing is with the silence/ ignoring, there's soon to be a new baby and it's going to be inundated with baby pics. The culture of the group is that every person is meant to put an 'awww' or 'cute!' After every picture posted so it's going to stick out like a sore thumb if I don't time after time (are you getting an idea of why I am desperate to leave yet Grin). I genuinely think it would be more angering to them than to leave?

I think I'm going to need to leave. But it's not going to go down well. What's weird is that they consider themselves a really close family so they will be affronted at me leaving (but I actually think they are not a close family as the WhatsApp drama seems to be all that ties us to them anymore. Plus a close family would be able to tell each other how they feel from time to time right?).

They won't buy the WhatsApp break at all but maybe it's the least confrontational way to go.

OP posts:
NorthSouthcatlady · 26/12/2021 17:41

Not 3! Like @Gunpowder said l would style it out that your having a bit of a social media detox for January. Leave and then “forget” to rejoin. I don’t see why you should have to pander to their nonsense and crazy views

startled · 26/12/2021 17:42

I don't have WhatsAp so don't really know but can you say you've been hacked and delete yourself to clean up your devices and forget to rejoin ?

SOTFS · 26/12/2021 18:01

Say you have bandwidth issues with your ISP and need to exit groups due that have use a lot of data. Say DH will cover it for the two of you until your ISP issues get resolved. Xmas Grin

SOTFS · 26/12/2021 18:01
  • to exit groups that use a lot of data
Paranoidandroidmarvin · 26/12/2021 18:02

When u know. Let me know.

SOTFS · 26/12/2021 18:02

Leaving WhatApp groups can be wonderfully liberating, treat yourself.

MajorCarolDanvers · 26/12/2021 18:11

Stick with #2

#1 would initially be satisfying but probably not worth the fallout

Pamlar · 26/12/2021 18:11

I agree with the pps who suggested leaving as a new years resolution. Just leave a light message that you are cutting down on sm/ detoxing from sm and lay low for a while. By the sounds of things they are likely to be busy with covid so they won't have time to mourn your absence

Original poster
frustrateddotcodotuk · 26/12/2021 18:11

@SOTFS

Say you have bandwidth issues with your ISP and need to exit groups due that have use a lot of data. Say DH will cover it for the two of you until your ISP issues get resolved. Xmas Grin
Wow is this a real thing?
OP posts:
lenechar · 26/12/2021 18:15

Haha are you my SIL? 😂😬

Original poster
frustrateddotcodotuk · 26/12/2021 18:17

@lenechar

Haha are you my SIL? 😂😬
Are you really annoying and make many unthinkable life decisions you like to involve me and my family in? Grin if so, maybe Grin
OP posts:
IncyWincyGrownUp · 26/12/2021 18:19

Tell them you’re delegating family SM responsibilities to save repeating each other, and he’s doing his side while you do yours. Wish them well and sail on to your freedom.

TenPenceMix · 26/12/2021 18:30

Mute the group and then archive it. You'll forget it's there. Sod them if they notice

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 26/12/2021 19:36

@TenPenceMix

Mute the group and then archive it. You'll forget it's there. Sod them if they notice
This is what I do.

I agonise over what to do so as not to offend anyone, then mute it and forget about it.

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2021 19:47

Give the social media detox excuse and leave the group immediately, don’t wait for responses. Double bonus, take them off your Facebook, Instagram etc at the same time. Superb! If you’re the only non-blood relative, they can’t really moan.

Skinnyankles · 26/12/2021 19:51

Just leave. Say you are in too many what's app groups and that dh can keep you in the loop for this particular one so there's no point with both of you being in there.

Luckyducky75 · 26/12/2021 19:56

Don't say anything just leave, it's your DHs toxic family not yours, if he has an issue with it that's his issue, you don't need to accept unacceptable behaviour to keep someone else happy. If your DH respected you he'd understand your desire to leave

NatriumChloride · 26/12/2021 20:03

I have a similar dilemma. Easily solved by muting and archiving. That way you’ll not be notified of new messages. You can just ignore the group and open it once a week, for example. No one can even challenge you for not replying with a “awww! Cute!! 😍” message or similar because they’ll look at the read receipts and see that you genuinely haven’t even read it.