What is the best self-help book you've ever read?

[christma]

I have an Amazon gift card and I'm thinking of buying a self-help book. This Christmas has felt like a wake up call and a bit of a rock bottom moment and I need to change and I'd love a book to just help give me the push I need

Oh the mention of depression has reminded me of another one: How You can Survive When They're Depressed by Anne Sheffield - about living with someone who's depressed. Brilliant book that helped me through a very hard time and again helped to address my "have to do everything for everyone" complex.

Choice Theory by William Glasser

This website, which can be read like a book:
Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom
www.alturtle.com/archives/1350

How to keep house while drowning

Stop Thinking Start Living.
Richard Carlson

I have to second that recommendation made above. Absolutely clears my head. I highly recommend it.

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron

@MrsMadderRose

A Woman In Your Own Right by Anne Dickson. It's about assertiveness but not just as a way to behave, but to see yourself and understand yourself as well, specifically as a woman who's been socialised to serve everyone and not cause offence. I read it first as a teenager and it made a huge difference to how I coped with my difficult family - but I still re-read it as a reminder.

Another vote for this one !

If you are on Instagram, follow Ed Cunningham. His page is called @aneed2read and he suggests books for topics like this. He would give you a more specific list of books if you said which area of self development that you want to work on.
Let us know if you choose any good ones.

A Course in Miracles

Feel the fear and do it anyway

I think it depends very much where you are in your life right now and any specific issues you want to address.

The very first one I read that made an impression on me was one called 'Making Connection' or something similar. It was the first thing ever that helped me realise I wasn't the only person who felt that way - and that, no matter how they appear, most people have an area in their life that they are not happy with.

Feel the Fear - I think made the most difference in my life (late 20s) but reading it now it seems very basic (and every book she has written since is the same book in different words)

One that no-one else has mentioned is 'The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People' by Steve Covey. That helped me hugely in my professional life - and there is also a version for teenagers which is also very well written.

Marking my place. Following with interest

The Chimp Paradox

The Inner Game of Tennis.

Stop Thinking Start Living by Richard Carlson

Thank you everyone. I've been looking at your suggestions and still trying to narrow it down!

A few people have asked what area I specifically want to focus on, and I definitely should have included that in the OP - sorry! It's hard to narrow down exactly what I most need help with, a mixture of things really. I'm in my mid 20s and around 2 years ago I had this sudden wave of childhood memories rise to the surface and it feels like I've had to navigate wave upon wave of realisations about my childhood (emotional neglect and emotional abuse) and how it has impacted me. It's left me with lots of things I need to address - anxiety, depression, lack of confidence, and many more so I think a lot of your recommendations are particularly apt.

I also wanted to give my own recommendation as you have all been so kind as to share yours: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I have pages upon pages upon pages of notes I took whilst reading that. It is pretty much the groundwork/foundation that I have based a lot of my self-reflection on.

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Having read your update I’d recommend the work of Pete Walker.

www.pete-walker.com/

His first book, the Tao of Fully Feeling, was the thing that helped me first start coming to grips with my childhood specifically.

Around your age someone gave me a copy of Marcus Aurelius “Meditations”. Little snippets of wisdom from a Roman emperor. I found it really really useful and still keep it to hand for occasional reflection and boosting. People haven’t changed.

Given your update I'm actually going to recommend a thread series on here :

"But we took you to stately homes" a long running thread you can name change if that helps

And a website/forum :

outofthefog.website

I've found it HUGELY helpful for these kind of issues.

I stand by "feel the fear..." too

Often recommended on here for this kind of thing are the Susan Forward "toxic" books

Toxic parents may be the closest right option for you. I keep meaning to try them myself. Maybe a New Years resolution for me.

I wasn’t keen on Derren Brown’s book, although his memoir is great! I really rate Brene Brown. Life changing for me and helped me change career. She has Ted talks and a podcast if you want to check her out for free. Currently reading her latest book which is quite different from her others.

*I really hated Feel the Fear. A friend bought if for me years ago when several family members of mine were very ill, one with a life threatening cancer. And Jeffers basically argues that not being positive enough causes you to get ill and you can overcome it by changing your outlook and not attracting negativity.

I found it so offensive that I took it back for a refund and didn’t tell my friend, but I was pretty upset that she thought this was an ok messsge to send.*

This is such a valuable post. I have had a lot to process over the last few years and I have read a lot of self help stuff which has really helped. What I would say though is while there is a lot of information/knowledge contained in the books the wisdom comes from how you can apply it to your own current circumstances. The poster above points out the very valuable lesson that knowing where you are in your own situation is really important because otherwise these books can frankly be counterproductive and set you back.

I was dealing with emotional abuse/psychological abuse and other childhood abuse and for example “the power of now” telling me not to let the actions of others impact me in any way was inappropriate until I reached the point where I stopped taking the metaphorical punches and so while that book was inappropriate at one time but the same book has been incredibly helpful more recently. So for example if you are in any abusive/toxic relationships the first thing to do is to get the knowledge around abuse and react appropriately not find loads of books to tell you how to live happily in your abuse if that makes any sense.

You might want The Body Keeps the Score then, or one of the books by Gabor Mate or Peter Levine. They all relate to the impact of stress and trauma, particularly as a child, on the body.

Sorry to jump on your thread op but can anyone recommend any books on low self esteem / how to change negative self talk / value myself?

@igneouseocker

Sorry to jump on your thread op but can anyone recommend any books on low self esteem / how to change negative self talk / value myself?

There are great CBT resources at www.getselfhelp.co.uk ......

think of your negative self-talk as trying to protect you by anticipating negative events OR it could be the voice of people who were important to you as you grew up.

Those thoughts aren't true. So, you can choose to think them, OR, you can choose to think other thoughts, and then the new thoughts become true.

• Caveat.... none of the above is going to work at it's best if there are unresolved losses/abuse/ bullying etc in your past.

Igneous anything CBT could help with that. I got a pretty decent audiobook on CBT. CBT + DBT + ACT. CBT particularly focuses on bad mental habits of negative thinking and gives strategies to analyse and question and reframe the thinking.

I will say though that usually there is a root cause to the negative thought patterns that started typically somewhere along the way in life (usually childhood) causing you psychological damage and it is worth checking that you have addressed and limited the impact of the roots of that dysfunction into the present day.