Christmas is shit when you've struggling to concieve for years and don't have any children :(

[FeelingdownXmas]

I feel like a right grinch. If you don't want your mood brought down on Christmas please click away now.

It's just so difficult. Seeing my Facebook plastered with families in their matching jammies last night, children with their Christmas eve boxes, the little ones excitement today, new babies in the family in their little Christmas outfits and my pregnant friend's bump pictures, with a little 'bumps first Christmas' tree ornament.

It's never affected me as much before, I don't know why this year I am just gripped with depression :( I think it is because I am mid thirties now and running out of time. It was my birthday a few months ago and I felt like I had achieved absolutely nothing.

I just want to be a mum.

I don't even celebrate Christmas and I do have dc, but this year has been particularly hard for me for some reason too. Anyway, handhold and unmumsnetty hugs from me. Hope you have some plans for the next few days xxx

I get it OP. It’s so hard

Maybe next year will be the year for us.

I think it’s totally normal for big events and milestones to be tinged with regret for “what could have been” when you’re trying to TTC. It really sucks, and I think it’s ok to wallow in the shittiness of it for a bit.

I also think, if you can, when you can… that you should remind yourself that a woman’s worth is not from the number of children she bears. Sounds obvious, but I do think that niggling doubts can crop up when you’re not able to conceive. YOU, yourself, are worthy of happiness and celebration, children or no children. Easy to say… important to believe!

Hang in there, and good job for recognizing these complicated feelings. Xxx

Thank you. It's been a shitty year for everyone hasn't it? Think lots of us are feeling the effects.

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes scoffing a tub of celebrations. Can't even fully enjoy them thanks to covid ruining my taste.

Don't even feel like talking to DH about it cuz it never seems to effect him as it does me. So I'm just sitting here quietly trying not to cry :(

I hope things get better for you OP. Are you getting any support with fertility?
Top tip would be avoid Fakebook, or stop following certain people so they don't pop up in your feed but you stay friends. I find it's bad for my mental health, I end up feeling such a failure.

I totally understand. The infertility boards on here are great, please use them for support x

I hear you, OP.

I'm going in to hospital tomorrow as I've had a miscarriage (again). I will not be looking at social media today. Just want to pretend it's all not happening.

I hear you OP. We've been trying for a couple of years with 2 failed IVF transfers under our belt. My cousin called me to tell me she got pregnant on her first month of TTC. She then went on to say about how excited the family are. I wanted to scream! They've just called me to say how they're all getting together to celebrate as a 'family'. I wanted to say I'm still a family too! Ugh

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. I was in the same boat for 7 painful years where everything seemed designed to be a slap in the face if you hadn't got the perfect family. Sending lots of love and happy wishes for the future. X

I get it. Was ttv for a couple of years before falling pregnant with second round of ivf. Those years of trying were probably the hardest time of my life psychologically. I had a miscarriage last year but even that didn’t compare to the nothingness of just never getting pregnant for no obvious reason. I really hope it does happen for you, but totally echo the poster who said that you are absolutely enough as you are. On the other side, I’ve found the women I’ve met since having a baby who’ve had a difficult journey of whatever kind tend to be more considerate and empathetic and it’s certainly changed me significantly as a person. I also found people way way more willing to talk about it after they had children whereas when I was trying ai felt like the only woman in the world struggling. Try to enjoy your celebrations and having your feet up and know that there are lots of people feeling similar thoughts and lots of women sending you solidarity.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. To those suffering I am so sorry

I have been to the doctor but it was before covid and I haven't returned. In all honesty, I am very overweight (hate myself for this too), and it's probably not helping the cause. I have lost weight and put it all back on, over and over, I can't get a handle on being a healthy weight. Another fucking failure.

I am heading to my df's in a bit for dinner. He has outright asked me multiple times over the years when he's getting a grandchild from me. I can't cope with it this year. I honestly don't think he realised how much I'm struggling. I mean, woukd you really tell your df about your ttc struggles? I certainly wouldn't.

Tomorrow I am spending time with other family members and there will be lots of dc. I loave them all so much, but fuck it hurts so bad.

I'm so sorry. Christmas can be the hardest time of year for so many reasons 💐

I get this so much, had a cry with my DH this morning as it's just me and him as usual. My DF doesn't come over but I bet he would if we had children. I avoid. Facebook as it makes me so lovely & sad.

I'm 40 next year and also overweight, been having therapy as I had a breakdown and I've let this pain eat away at me. I've decided to get gastric sleeve next year and focus on my own health. Maybe we might get lucky and fall pregnant but if not we'll start going away for Christmas instead,

Hugs to everyone here xxx

Yeah it's awful. I really feel like I can't cope with Christmas. The door is totally shut for me, in my 40s and unable to have children due to chronic illness. It feels like being heartbroken on repeat at this time of year. I need a new strategy for next year as I'm miserable and horrible to be around.

I’m so sorry OP. You’re not a failure in any way. Do as little or as much festive stuff as you feel up to… even if that means cancelling plans.

I hope things feel brighter for you soon .

So sorry OP, it's very hard, and very unfair.

There is life beyond this point, however things go. I promise. It won't always feel this hard.

Just to say I'm now out the other side of this in that the grief- and it is grief- has mostly passed. I promise, if you have children or not it won't feel this raw forever. Be kind to yourself. And if your dad says something rubbish, talk to him. He probably has no clue how much it upsets you. Mine didn't. He's much kinder now x

Every relationship is different but I honestly think it’s okay to share a bit about your struggles because some people don’t seem to stop with the crass idiotic comments until you do. So when your DF asks when he’s getting a grandchild you can say something like ‘well, it isn’t always straightforward so I’d rather you didn’t keep asking’. You don’t need to go into any details but giving people a heads up that there’s more going on and that you don’t appreciate talking about it at least gives them a chance to behave better.
To everyone else struggling, I hope you can find some peace and happiness today.

Christmas is massively shite when you don't have children. It took me years to fall Pregnant and then I miscarried November 17 miscarried again Christmas Day 18 and had another 3 miscarriages after that. My newsfeed today is full of pregnancy announcements, and people showing off all the presents they've brought their kids. I really want to just write a big fuck off on everyone's statuses

So sorry you are feeling like this OP. Have you considered professional help to talk through your feelings with someone? There is the miscarriage association, or CBT via your GP. If you've had losses, they should have given you contacts for support if needed too.

I feel the pain. I lost my 1st pregnany 8th Dec. The next year lost my 2nd on 18th Dec. I've TTC 10yrs, 3 MC's and 2 failed founds of IVF and no cause for sub-fertility found. I always thought it would happen, but it never did, and now it would be extremely unlikely.

I keep going by looking at all the good things I do have. A happy relationship with DH, good job, comfortable home, lovely family/friends etc. Best of luck OP, but do get some support for yourself.

We had lots of miscarriages and ended up with no children. I don't think you ever get totally over it, I think it changes you. But I will say, several years on, we're mostly happy and okay these days. Today has been happy and calm and peaceful. I hope that's okay to say - I just wanted to offer some kind of hope that can be light at the end of the tunnel, however it turns out for you.

Also, it surprised me that eventually when I told my family, they were supportive and understanding. I think if you feel like talking about it, please do.

Sorry you’re in this position. Social media is the absolute worst. We’re all better off without it. It helps me to remember that nobody posts photos of the sadness and struggles in their lives, but we all have them.

I’m sorry also that your DF is making this difficult for you. Are you sure you can’t tell him that this is a sensitive topic for you?

And not sure this is relevant, but these people sound dreadful. Bump’s first Christmas? Pass the sick bucket. Don’t get me started on matching jammies.

Oh I am sorry. I know too well this feeling, I spent many many aching years looking at family and friends and wishing. I hope you find some peace.

I've been there and it's truly truly shit. Be kind to yourself

I've been there OP. I spent 3 christmases looking at the tree sadly hoping that next year I'd have a baby.

I found Christmas really hard as I desperately wanted the fun family Xmas.

Big hugs and I hope it does happen for you soon.