Christmas is shit when you've struggling to concieve for years and don't have any children :(

[FeelingdownXmas]

I feel like a right grinch. If you don't want your mood brought down on Christmas please click away now.

It's just so difficult. Seeing my Facebook plastered with families in their matching jammies last night, children with their Christmas eve boxes, the little ones excitement today, new babies in the family in their little Christmas outfits and my pregnant friend's bump pictures, with a little 'bumps first Christmas' tree ornament.

It's never affected me as much before, I don't know why this year I am just gripped with depression :( I think it is because I am mid thirties now and running out of time. It was my birthday a few months ago and I felt like I had achieved absolutely nothing.

I just want to be a mum.

OP i know exactly how your feeling, were 4 years in ttc, and seeing everyone's family photos just brings it all back.

2 years in we were at the in laws (MIL knows our struggle ttc) and all day the comments were 'its not the same without kids', 'if you try really hard you could have a baby by next christmas' followed by 'your trying too hard', I ended up outside in tears! It wasn't a one off comment either it was all day.

I too am overweight and trying to lose a few pounds so we get approved for ivf. Feel free to PM me if you want.

Well, we are having a quiet night here, TG. But last year was hoorenduous.

We have 1 dd, and with lockdown, we're isolated with her and all her asd/adhd foibles - cue major major melts

Sorry major major meltdown last year.

So it is hard when you haven't been successful, but it's not all roses and chocolates from the other side either always.

And it's only relatively ok because Dh and I ignore one heck of a lot and walk on eggshells all the time.

I am so sorry. I too have been there and it is shit. My second miscarriage in 3 months was on Christmas Eve that year and then, after the 3rd I went from being promoted to being made redundant and my dog died the same day I was told. I felt like my life had been stripped back to nothing, sat at home alone all day. I hope that things improve for you. Be kind to yourself, Christmas is one of the hardest times of your in our situation. As others have said the infertility board is a good space for help and understanding.

I empathise , I had many years of this before I conceived after several rounds of IVF. Feeling that I had to go and be happy around the many baby nieces and nephews was very hard. I hope that you are able to rest and get some peace

In response to your last post, it is totally personal, but I do talk to my dad about the details of our secondary infertility (4 years ttc). He knows about ivf appointments, surgeries, miscarriages etc. I don't have a dm any more, so it would have been her role, but he tries to talk about it a bit. I do talk to friends and family. Personally I find that easier. If strangers or acquaintances ask about another dc I am a bit brutally honest - it's actually quite cathartic for me.

You don't have to suffer in silence. The infertility boards can be really good. Other times it can seem like everyone on there is getting pregnant except you.

Sorry OP, I totally understand how you feel. Had years of it, and feeling like you don’t matter because you don’t have kids when all the family are together. It was never intentional in my case, and nobody said nasty things, but it was just always all about the kids.

I agree with pp that it really can help to talk about it. It made a big difference for me when my family knew high level. My sister in more detail, but with others I said I didn’t want to talk about it more and they respected that but it stopped questions and comments.

Wishing you all the best. Be kind to yourself, whatever that looks like for you. For me it was time for a bath, good food, plenty of sleep, some time alone and exercise. X