Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Teenage daughter didn’t get me anything

50 replies

FabricedeSauveterre · 25/12/2021 12:07

I’m so upset my 14 yr old didn’t get me anything. She has access to my credit card and took the 8 year old shopping and I asked her to get me some bits and it’s clear this morning she didn’t get anything. She ordered stuff for her friends on Amazon at my expense and her boyfriend has several bits. We live 10 mins walk away from several shops and she’s been into town numerous times this week and I reminded her to buy for me and her Dad. I also suspect she has regifted the present the 8 year old bought when they went shopping together as there’s some mystery over it and it hasn’t been given to me.
My 11 year old has got me a candle and a bottle of hair stuff and that’s all I’ve had to open. I feel the teenager is old enough to see how much effort I put in. It’s first divorced Christmas so no DH present. I made sure the younger two bought for Ex DH and I think he would have ensured all had bought for me but he got Covid in the week leading up to Xmas when he was meant to have the kids. DD (14) is generally polite and we don’t argue, but we’re not very emotionally close and she doesn’t confide in me and now I feel unloved. Tell me tales of your teenagers being selfish. She bought me a couple of lovely small thoughtful but inexpensive things for my birthday in the summer so I had higher expectations. I have obviously gone all out for her and her sisters

OP posts:
KittenKong · 25/12/2021 12:11

Maybe she just didn’t think or was wrapped up in getting things for her sisters? Teenagers can be a bit daft sometimes.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 25/12/2021 12:14

Ime with teens you need to ask!! Ds 17 has a pt job now. And he was expected to buy a token gift for siblings. This morning he opened a huge bag full of boxes of chocolates and handed them out!! Ds 7 wasn't too sure about his box of Jaffa Cakes but the thought was there!!
Suggest a day at the sales and dd has to choose you something..

Funnylittlefloozie · 25/12/2021 12:15

Your 14 year old has access to your credit card? You are the most trusting mum ever!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Families
NOELnoelNOELnoel · 25/12/2021 12:15

Why the hell does your 14 YO have access to your credit card?!

Original poster
FabricedeSauveterre · 25/12/2021 12:19

Re the credit card she is really trustworthy! It’s just an easy way to give her spending money, she has a weekly limit, I can see what she’s up to on online banking and she calls to ask if she wants to buy anything particular in excess of her budget it’s usually something like can I spend £20 on jeans as I need some new ones. So no issue with funding and I specifically told her several times to get me something, suggested make up or (cheap) jewellery or a book. I also made suggestions for her Dad.

OP posts:
Sundancerintherain · 25/12/2021 12:21

Tell her. Not today obviously, but do tell her.

Luredbyapomegranate · 25/12/2021 12:23

@Sundancerintherain

Tell her. Not today obviously, but do tell her.
Yep. She’s a teen - even the nice ones often don’t see other people’s needs. But it’s a life skill and she needs to learn it.

And if you get on OK with her Dad, have a pact to check on each other’s presents next year.

Chokkiesaurus · 25/12/2021 13:21

If she is old enough to have access to your credit card and have a boyfriend, she is old enough for you to ask her why she didn’t get you a Christmas present.

ChequerBoard · 25/12/2021 13:45

Why does it matter?

I don't expect my DC to get presents for us as parents. There isn't really anything we want or need anyway.

I'd rather we all had a lovely family day together around the table and enjoying each other's company.

Things don't matter - people and our relationships do.

MatildaTheCat · 25/12/2021 13:53

@ChequerBoard

Why does it matter?

I don't expect my DC to get presents for us as parents. There isn't really anything we want or need anyway.

I'd rather we all had a lovely family day together around the table and enjoying each other's company.

Things don't matter - people and our relationships do.

Because gifts are tokens of love, affection and the worth you hold someone in.

OP that’s horrid and yes, it’s teen thoughtlessness. I wish I could give you one of my presents but since I can’t have a stealthy hug.

Romeiswheretheheartis · 25/12/2021 13:56

I bought my own presents, out of money ex-dp gave me for dd's presents, and gave them to dd (14) to wrap for me. She didn't get me anything else. I try to keep my expectations of her fairly low, to avoid disappointment!

PartyPrawnRingGames · 25/12/2021 13:58

Well it would have been nice but you would have been buying it yourself really anyway! Don't let it spoil things just go order yourself a treat and enjoy the rest of your day.

TheBermudaTriangle · 25/12/2021 14:00

@ChequerBoard

Why does it matter?

I don't expect my DC to get presents for us as parents. There isn't really anything we want or need anyway.

I'd rather we all had a lovely family day together around the table and enjoying each other's company.

Things don't matter - people and our relationships do.

It does matter. OP's DD obviously treated her friends and boyfriend to gifts - but her own DM didn't warrant a single gift?! It's really rude.
Takemine · 25/12/2021 14:02

I find it strange that you kept telling her to get you something.

If someone did that to me it would stop being a gift in my mind and become an errand. Maybe she resents it.

JMAngel1 · 25/12/2021 15:03

Sorry you're feeling overlooked.
My secret for a Happy Christmas is to buy myself some lovely things in the run up to Xmas.
Don't be offended, teenagers can be very selfish. It's not a reflection of how much she loves you.

FreeBritnee · 25/12/2021 15:18

I always know when someone is feeling upset/unloved within a relationship as they always put too much store in gifts. As if the gift will reassure them that the person actually does care when their actions show otherwise. What you actually need to do is talk to them.

Original poster
FabricedeSauveterre · 25/12/2021 15:29

@Takemine

I find it strange that you kept telling her to get you something.

If someone did that to me it would stop being a gift in my mind and become an errand. Maybe she resents it.

I think teaching gift giving is an important life skill.
OP posts:
Original poster
FabricedeSauveterre · 25/12/2021 15:32

Thank you to those who gave kind words, I will talk to her, gently.

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 25/12/2021 15:36

I think some people must be raising horribly selfish teenagers. It isn’t about the stuff it’s about the lack of thought. I dare say she wouldn’t be too happy if she’d received no presents ( despite not needing anything) but old mum is just supposed to produce Christmas and wheel out a dinner. Did she buy anything for her dad?

ImInStealthMode · 25/12/2021 15:40

@Takemine

I find it strange that you kept telling her to get you something.

If someone did that to me it would stop being a gift in my mind and become an errand. Maybe she resents it.

I do think it's thoughtless and a selfish of her, but I wonder a bit about the above too. My Mum used to drop mention of Mother's Day into conversation without fail from about 6 weeks ahead of it, when I was a fully grown adult living away from home.

I would always have got her something, but her persistently demanding a gift that represents thanks and appreciation really rattled me and made me resent buying her one.

We spoke about it and she's stopped. Low and behold I've already bought her 2022 Mothers Day gift because I find it less of a chore and more of a pleasure now!

Anyway your DD is perfectly old enough to speak about it with OP x

Original poster
FabricedeSauveterre · 25/12/2021 15:45

Yes I can see how it might come across as nagging but I promise I wasn’t, gentle reminders for all her gift giving and adding her sisters and dad in there too, and giving some easy suggestions that she could get locally. Facilitating rather than nagging.

OP posts:
Original poster
FabricedeSauveterre · 25/12/2021 15:48

I don’t think she has got anything for her dad either. I even suggested I purchase whiskey for him and she could gift it, I also suggested she use our home printer to print some nice photos of her and her sisters, she declined these ideas.

I know gift giving is one of my love languages and not everyone sets so much store but fuck me she has a pile of stuff, AirPods, hair straighteners, kindle, plus lots of little thoughtful things, and I put thought time and effort into it, just get me a token candle and some chocolates FFS!

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 25/12/2021 15:55

Personally I thinks that’s awful behaviour.
You’ve made funds, time and help available and she still hasn’t managed to get ANY of her actual family a gift?? What the hell has she actually spent YOUR money on??
My 8 year old can be taken to a shop and told to go and choose things and come back with appropriate gifts for her family!!!!
A (carefully worded) chat is definitely in order!

She’s made a deliberate choice to not get you or her father anything. Why?

stingofthebutterfly · 25/12/2021 16:18

I wouldn't expect my (almost) 14 year old to get me anything. I don't expect any of my teenage children to.

dementedpixie · 25/12/2021 16:24

At that age she could have her own account with debit card rather than using your credit card
I didn't expect gifts from my kids tbh

Swipe left for the next trending thread