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Original poster

DD disappointed - feel guilty

73 replies

merrygoround51 · 25/12/2021 07:26

My Dd is 13 first year where the magic is truly gone.
She is incredibly fussy about clothes and doesn’t like much at the moment and is very disappointed in her Santa haul. It includes a juicy couture tracksuit that costs almost 140 and a perfume set worth 30 as the main gifts with the rest making up small bits, t shirt & jumper she hates , bag, scrunchies, small bits of shein jewellery etc
I would like to have bought her more clothes but everything I brought home over the last year is met with an urgghhh
Half of me is upset she’s disappointed, half of me is angry at her ungrateful ness.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 25/12/2021 09:20

Tell her to bag up the stuff she doesn't want and you will donate it to bairns to didn't get anything today.

All these ungrateful kids posts this morning is hurting my head.

AnnaMagnani · 25/12/2021 09:21

It's not you, it's her age. I can still remember the Christmas my mum bought me clothes. I was probably about 13-14.

I thought they were all hideous and had no idea why my mum didn't know who I was - a belief I've maintained until reading your post when I realised that a year previously she could have bought me clothes and I would have loved them.

Teens are horrid. It's not you, it's them and they largely can't help it.

sweetbellyhigh · 25/12/2021 09:25

@Bogofftosomewherehot

As the mum of 3 teenagers I have to ask why you're choosing your 13yo clothes?!

My 13yo has cash and stocking fillers - chocolate, body shop smellies, a poster, full arm temporary tattoos and pens, a black beanie hat, desk lamp.

Don't be upset that she is ungrateful - if she doesn't like them, she doesn't like them. Time to learn that mum's rarely get the clothes thing right and she's growing up.

No need to be so harsh. The OP already feels bad. Great that you're such the seasoned and perfect gift giver but jeez show a little humility.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Christmas

BananaPant · 25/12/2021 09:27

@gamerchick

Tell her to bag up the stuff she doesn't want and you will donate it to bairns to didn't get anything today.

All these ungrateful kids posts this morning is hurting my head.

This is it.

So spoilt and ungrateful.

🙄

Original poster

merrygoround51 · 25/12/2021 09:29

@gamerchick Honestly before I had teens I would have thought the same, now I see it a bit differently

Thanks all for the perspectives. Got out and walked the dog and am over it. She’s still a bit sulky but it will pass once she sees her cousins

OP posts:

gindreams · 25/12/2021 09:32

@merrygoround51

I feel bad I was just like that with my poor mum

I guess I basically didn't get over the magic being gone lol !

Friendviv1987 · 25/12/2021 09:32

I haven't chosen clothes for my children since the early teens don't be offended!On the other hand it's rude to be so ungrateful!Xx

gamerchick · 25/12/2021 09:35

[quote merrygoround51]@gamerchick Honestly before I had teens I would have thought the same, now I see it a bit differently

Thanks all for the perspectives. Got out and walked the dog and am over it. She’s still a bit sulky but it will pass once she sees her cousins[/quote]
I've processed 2 adult kids and have 1 14 yr old. If any of mine behaved like that there would have been stern words said.

Thankfully I've never known it. They had their moments of course but some of the posts I've read this morning about ungrateful and sulky kids is boggling my head.

LindaEllen · 25/12/2021 09:46

Calling it a 'Santa haul' sums up everything I hate about modern Christmas.

Spend the next year teaching the little brat to be grateful.

Aderyn21 · 25/12/2021 09:57

It's difficult buying for kids when they get older. I struggle with mine now that they have their own money and can generally buy what they want for themselves.
With teenage dd, I let her choose her main present and just bought a few little extra bits - it's sad in a way because you lose the surprise element, but at least they get what they want!
I hope things get better later today. I think pp was right when she said part of them is mourning that childhood Christmas feeling but at their age it's hard to process those emotions

Maybe83 · 25/12/2021 10:01

Don't be too hard on her. It's actually a bit of transition from the excitement of santa and toys to teenage years. Usually they haven't a clue what they like themselves.

I have a 19 year old and I use to do a Xmas shopping day for clothes and then remember things she liked and go back and get them for Xmas day and vouchers are your friend.

Llkjdhwhgsyoqobf · 25/12/2021 10:02

Bloody hell that's awful she's so ungrateful and that she's showing it!

tabulahrasa · 25/12/2021 10:14

Clothes aren’t a great present tbh... they’re very personal, even I hate getting them as a present because they’re never what I’d pick to wear myself.

Obviously I’m old enough to fake it politely, but a 13 year old isn’t yet...

Motheroflions · 25/12/2021 10:28

@LindaEllen

Calling it a 'Santa haul' sums up everything I hate about modern Christmas.

Spend the next year teaching the little brat to be grateful.

This is harsh. There is thread upon thread today of adults who are disappointed with gifts either from there DH or In-laws.

She is a child who has been bought clothes she doesn't like. Whats the point in pretending to like clothes you are never going to wear.

And same @tabulahrasa, my dh has bought me a pair on mini black uggs. I dont like the colour so will exchange them. A 13 year old probably not going to have the fore thought to word it properly

Mamette · 25/12/2021 10:38

At 13 I wouldn’t have picked out clothes for DD and I certainly wouldn’t have given my choice of clothes to her as a Christmas present. Something really special that she had specifically asked for, yes fine.

I find all this “ungrateful” talk really uncomfortable. She’s a girl on the threshold between childhood and adolescence. There’s no more toys. Christmas isn’t the same. She doesn’t like the tracksuit. Cut her some slack ffs.

growyourownjam · 25/12/2021 10:38

She sounds ungrateful. I don't want to use the s word. Next year don't get her anything op.

riotlady · 25/12/2021 10:39

13 is a really hard age at Christmas, the magic of getting toys and Santa is gone and they’re not as genuinely excited about clothes and makeup as older teens and young adults are. It all feels a bit boring and I remember worrying that all my Christmasses were going to be a bit lacklustre from
Now on. Sort of represents the fear of growing up I think! So I wouldn’t tolerate outright rudeness but I would cut her a bit of slack

ChristmasBeachWakiki · 25/12/2021 10:48

I’m listening to the Whole Brain Child at the moment (for DS 8) and they référence the different brain activity for emotions and logical thought.

There’ll be a whole lot of emotions wrapped up in transitioning from Christmas as a child to that as an adult. It’s a rude awakening to find out there isn’t a beneficent stranger seeking to anticipate your deepest wishes, and instead it’s just your flawed parents doing the best they can. It will be disappointing. Acknowledge that first and connect with her difficult emotions. Later will be the time for talking about adult ways to deal with them.

Ozanj · 25/12/2021 10:52

@merrygoround51

My Dd is 13 first year where the magic is truly gone. She is incredibly fussy about clothes and doesn’t like much at the moment and is very disappointed in her Santa haul. It includes a juicy couture tracksuit that costs almost 140 and a perfume set worth 30 as the main gifts with the rest making up small bits, t shirt & jumper she hates , bag, scrunchies, small bits of shein jewellery etc I would like to have bought her more clothes but everything I brought home over the last year is met with an urgghhh Half of me is upset she’s disappointed, half of me is angry at her ungrateful ness.

It might be a good idea to have conversations with her to understand what she likes year around. You can’t expect a 13 yo to be good at making decisions if you only ask her what she likes / wants just for xmas and birthdays

Derrymum123 · 25/12/2021 10:55

That could have been me a couple of years ago. Now I just transfer money to them about a week before Christmas and they get whatever they like. Have to bite my lip when I see some of their choices, however, they prefer it that way. Christmas has lost a little bit of magic.

coochyboochy · 25/12/2021 11:42

For the last few years I have given teen DS a budget and asked him to pick exactly what he wants within budget. Works well because it means he gets exactly what he wants and we don't waste any money.

DialsMavis · 25/12/2021 11:53

I would explain that the clothes can be returned and swapped for what she does like but also explain very clearly that her ungrateful behaviour has really hurt you and you do not expect a repeat of it ever. She is old enough to understand this and hopefully will learn a valuable lesson and still get something she likes.

waterlego · 25/12/2021 17:03

I’m sure we all received some disappointing presents at around this age, I know I did, but I certainly didn’t strop about it. I wouldn’t have wanted to hurt my mum’s feelings!

My teenage kids don’t strop about presents either. They’re pretty empathetic and recognise the effort and expense that their Dad and I put into Christmas. I do buy some clothing as gifts, and when they open them, I say that they can be returned or exchanged if they don’t fit or if they’re not quite the right style or colour. So far, they have never taken me up on that but I hope they would if they didn’t like the clothes.

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