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Original poster

DD disappointed - feel guilty

73 replies

merrygoround51 · 25/12/2021 07:26

My Dd is 13 first year where the magic is truly gone.
She is incredibly fussy about clothes and doesn’t like much at the moment and is very disappointed in her Santa haul. It includes a juicy couture tracksuit that costs almost 140 and a perfume set worth 30 as the main gifts with the rest making up small bits, t shirt & jumper she hates , bag, scrunchies, small bits of shein jewellery etc
I would like to have bought her more clothes but everything I brought home over the last year is met with an urgghhh
Half of me is upset she’s disappointed, half of me is angry at her ungrateful ness.

OP posts:
jeanne16 · 25/12/2021 08:11

I do think the hype around Christmas leads to unrealistic expectations of the day, in terms of presents, the lunch and family interactions. It can lead to a lot of disappointment on the day.

itsgettingwierd · 25/12/2021 08:15

@Autumncoming

At this age my sister and I would get each other's santa money before Christmas and go shopping together, hinting to each other what we liked which they would buy. Then it got wrapped up for Christmas day. We loved it.
That's genius!
Autumndays123 · 25/12/2021 08:15

If you know she is fussy with clothes, why did you buy her mostly clothes? Surely that's asking for her to not like them Xmas Confused

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Christmas
SilverPeacock · 25/12/2021 08:16

They can be so rude OP I feel your pain. Maybe wait for a calm moment on another day to have a conversation with her about manners. My 13 yo is still in bed, but she is getting books, crafty things, a game she said she wanted and then a voucher. As pp say I have already learned to avoid clothes, jewelry or make up.

diddl · 25/12/2021 08:18

140 for a tracksuit!Shock

How times change!

GoodPrincessWenceslas · 25/12/2021 08:21

Does she only like clothes and similar as presents? No books, games etc?

Macaroni46 · 25/12/2021 08:22

But why do you feel guilty? She's old enough to a) express what she'd like and b) have some manners and respect. Maybe I'm old school but I'd be having some words about gratitude. I'd take the unwanted items back and give her the cash. As other posters have said, next year it's one main gift (that she's chosen in advance) and little stocking bits. I also wouldn't be spending as much.

whenwillthemadnessend · 25/12/2021 08:22

I hate mario cart it's sad mean anything Grin

ViceLikeBlip · 25/12/2021 08:24

Teenagers can come across awfully but 9 times out of 10 they don't really mean it. I remember being just So Grumpy at that age- everything pissed me off, especially people trying not to piss me off!

Did she get anything for you and/or her dad or siblings?

Ozgirl75 · 25/12/2021 08:27

I asked my sons (age 9 and 11) for a Christmas suggestions list back in September and said they wouldn’t get everything so to give me loads of suggestions and they’d get some of the things.
Because they made the list so long ago, they’d forgotten lots of things but were really pleased with everything, even where I went a little off list with a few bits. I used to do this with my parents too and it worked really well as I didn’t know exactly what I’d get but I knew I’d like the things. So I’d say like “a pashmina in either red, blue or cream”, plus a list of dozens of books etc.

NOTANUM · 25/12/2021 08:27

Slightly different view here from experienced mum of teenage girls!!

For each child there is one year when they tip from being child-like to adult-like (unrelated to Santa). It’s usually when they stop getting toys and start getting more adult stuff like clothes, phones, gadgets, hobby stuff..

The first year of that shift is often disappointing for them - they don’t get the old buzz from presents and nothing is right. Then they settle and realise they get much more direct input into their gifts but for one year they’re mourning their childlike self. For what it’s worth, mine now love me buying surprise clothes as I chose things they wouldn’t and If they don’t like it, it goes back.

So I would smile, exchange what you can in a cheerful way and carry on!

RedHot22 · 25/12/2021 08:28

Don’t do clothes.

She needs a clothing allowance. I had one when I was her age and it worked well and taught me a lot! My DM&DF still bought me shoes and coats

Tabbacus · 25/12/2021 08:28

Tenner in a card next year!

diddl · 25/12/2021 08:28

I agree that she should know better & there's no need to feel guilty.

Clothes were always going to be difficult unless it was something that she specifically asked for, but you tried-would she rather have had nothing to open?

sweetbellyhigh · 25/12/2021 08:31

Oh I feel for you. Teenagers can be so rude.

I don't think I was great with my daughter, I'm trying to remember but I think I gave her clothes most years until she was 16. She was always very polite but looking back there were things she didn't wear much so clearly I'd chosen poorly.

With my son, I took him shopping a few days ago and he also chose a couple of things online. I'm so pleased that he has clothes he really likes. Honestly I'd never have guessed the ones he chose 😂

You could talk to her when you're both calm about how you feel sad and disappointed that she is unhappy with her gifts, that you wanted nothing more than for her to be thrilled, and that you'll help her to return or exchange what she can and give away the rest. But that equally she needs to take responsibility for being clear about what she wants and also for being courteous and grateful for the gesture. She is absolutely allowed to feel disappointed but rudeness is a no.

This could actually turn into a nice bonding moment when you acknowledge her feelings and show her that you too have vulnerabilities and are willing to learn. Help her work out how to make the next gift giving occasion more successful.

BigYellowHat · 25/12/2021 08:37

Ungrateful sod. You’ve spent loads and she has to realise she can’t have everything she wants.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 25/12/2021 08:41

As the mum of 3 teenagers I have to ask why you're choosing your 13yo clothes?!

My 13yo has cash and stocking fillers - chocolate, body shop smellies, a poster, full arm temporary tattoos and pens, a black beanie hat, desk lamp.

Don't be upset that she is ungrateful - if she doesn't like them, she doesn't like them. Time to learn that mum's rarely get the clothes thing right and she's growing up.

GreenWhiteViolet · 25/12/2021 08:43

It's a really difficult age. I remember refusing to open presents in front of others at that age because I couldn't pretend to be pleased at the sight of something I didn't like, but then I'd be called ungrateful. Most teenagers aren't going to have the excited reactions that most little children have when they open presents anyway.

She'll grow out it - either by responding in a more socially acceptable way or telling you in advance what she wants. She probably feels a bit rubbish about it too - annoyed with herself. Try not to let it ruin the day for you both. Flowers

Gunpowder · 25/12/2021 08:45

This thread has made me happy I’ve kept my hideous juicy couture tracksuits from 2003! DD can have some ‘vintage’ ones in a couple of years.

Gunpowder · 25/12/2021 08:47

Agree it’s a difficult age. I remember teenage me occasionally being ungrateful for stuff and cringe. When I look back now I realise how fab my parents were.

Tabbacus · 25/12/2021 08:58

@Gunpowder

This thread has made me happy I’ve kept my hideous juicy couture tracksuits from 2003! DD can have some ‘vintage’ ones in a couple of years.
Haha me too!
user1471538283 · 25/12/2021 08:59

At that age my DF took me out for the day to choose clothes for christmas and I'd get bits then on the day. That was my favourite day!

However, that tracksuit is so expensive and I would love it now!

justustwoandmoo · 25/12/2021 08:59

I made my daughter put all the stuff she wanted from SHEIN in the basket about a month ago and then just bought then. Came to around the amount I thought was reasonable so I thought that was great!

Then last night she comes out with 'can't wait to see what else I've got as well as my SHEIN order' 🙈🙈. Lol. I had about 3 other things! She's happy enough but I still felt a bit guilty.

Honestly though I feel like this EVERY year. I feel like whatever you do as a parent you still feel guilty for something!! 🤣

StationaryMagpie · 25/12/2021 09:05

my mum and dads tactic with this when i was a teenager was to nominate a budget, and take us shopping a couple of weeks before christmas so we could pick out what we wanted, then it was wrapped and put under the tree for christmas day. There were always a few 'surprises.

She said she used to budget about £120 each, 3/4 went on things we picked, and one third on stocking fillers and smaller things.

I've started doing the same with my two and its much easier than the ungrateful faces on xmas day, especially where clothes are concerned.

Roselilly36 · 25/12/2021 09:17

@whenwillthemadnessend

I hate mario cart it's sad mean anything Grin
Haha yes! Good old Kevin & Perry.
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