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Original poster

If you have an only child, how often do they see other kids on holiday?

27 replies

Onelittleone · 23/12/2021 21:04

Just as the title says really. DS is an only not by choice. I am usually ok with it until holiday time when I end up feeling guilty. We do try and see people as a family but am never sure whether its enough. So if you have an only child, how often do they see other kids say during Christmas holidays? Or even the other ones?

OP posts:
InMincePieRehabBackSoon · 23/12/2021 21:09

Barely ever! He's a teenager and mostly speaks to friends online. As a kid he would see other children at holiday clubs etc, and go out and play.

Papertrail392 · 23/12/2021 21:12

It's difficult isn't it. When ds was primary age I'd make a big effort to meet up with friends and their kids and I'd do a couple of playdates but he's 12 now and doesn't want to do that. He's got some lovely friends but they all seem busy with family stuff. He went to the cinema with them at the weekend and he's going to the panto with one next week but that's probably it. He seems happy enough on his xbox and with us, certainly never complains. The guilts always there though (even though I know I've got nothing to feel guilty about!). Christmas always feels a bit difficult as I imagine other families with lots of siblings and cousins etc but like I said before, he's never complained.

Megan2018 · 23/12/2021 21:12

Mine is only 2 but for the next 2 weeks she probably won’t see any other children. There’s none in the family and with the state of things I doubt we’ll get to soft play.
I might manage 1 or 2 meet ups with her nursery friend at the park if we aren’t restricted.

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LuckyKitty13 · 23/12/2021 21:15

Mine is only 2, but we see other children 4-5 times a week easily. We meet other families (friends) with children, go to the local farm park, forest school sessions, swimming lessons etc. we go out every day

LadyCatStark · 23/12/2021 21:16

Every day as we live on a street where there are loads of children and they all play together.

purpleme12 · 23/12/2021 21:18

never really.
i've tried with other parents saying do you want to come here or there etc and just inviting the child too rather than both parent and child but they were always busy on that day and never bothered asking back.
I get the feeling they always want to come with their chold too if their child is coming for example. so i gave up asking
she used to ask me more
it was good where we used to live at time as she had people on the street to play with when they lived there.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 23/12/2021 21:21

I usually try to arrange one meet up a week during the holidays, generally I take My DC and one other to somewhere like softplay or trampoline place. It gives my DD a chance to play with another kid and burn off some energy, gives me a chance to sit still and have a coffee while they play and gives the other kids parent a bit of a break. I keep an eye out for half price or holiday offers so it doesn't cost a bomb but I always cover the cost as lending me their child does me a favour in keeping mine happy and entertained 😁

MaryAndHerNet · 23/12/2021 21:24

We don't at all.
I've asked my DD many times if she wants someone over, she never does.
She's 8 and enjoys other kids at school but home is home.

Original poster
Onelittleone · 23/12/2021 21:25

DS is still primary aged so I feel like I have to initiate and organize his social life. He often goes to holiday clubs and usually we are busy with clubs and hobbies. Where we live in London, kids don't tend to play out so it can't really be spontaneous. Any tips on how best you go around managing it? Parent guilt is clearly high tonight

OP posts:
Thirtytimesround · 23/12/2021 21:26

Pre-pandemic: 2-3 times per week.

Post-pandemic: almost never. Maybe one playdate every couple of months. Either they’re isolating or don’t wanna come or they say yes and then DH gets a temp and we have to cancel until pcr result back etc etc.

Currently DD hasn’t spoken to another child since school broke up on 13 Dec. She is desperate to play with other children. They’re all bush with family stuff. Feel so sorry for her 😢

Papertrail392 · 23/12/2021 21:35

Onelittleone what worked for me when DS was primary age is first off getting the parents phone numbers. Easiest way is via a large birthday party, you get them when the parents rsvp. Then invite chosen child along to an activity and you pay. Also, try and suss out if there's any other only DC your DD is friends with. I also found that the single mums were often happy to meet up for playdates as they weren't as busy doing stuff at weekends with their partners and they also enjoyed the adult company (rather than taking their DC to things on their own).

You really do have yo be proactive though, it feels like a lot of hard work sometimes.

purpleme12 · 23/12/2021 21:40

Ironically most of the parents that i know to speak to of my child's friends are in a relationship. Wierd that there aren't more single people when it must be so common

purpleme12 · 23/12/2021 21:40

(i am single)

purpleme12 · 23/12/2021 21:41

although even when i was with my partner i still loved doing things with other people so i don't really get that to be honest

leccybill · 23/12/2021 21:47

Yes, I always felt quite guilty around holiday time. DD 11 is an only, not by choice also, so I get a bit sad about it sometimes. She'll see her 2 young cousins once over Christmas and her two older ones.
We got a puppy last Christmas and honestly it's been the best thing for her. She's happy at home playing with the dog.
I might try to arrange a couple of dog walks where she can bring a friend for a chat and stop for a hot chocolate maybe.

bcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyza · 23/12/2021 21:50

My 5 yr old is an only, not by choice never happened again. It's like he has a switch somewhere.

He likes to socialise and be on his own. He likes his wee group of friends from school and goes to softplay with them after school once a week but he enjoys peace and quiet in the house.

During the holidays I have arranged a play date with his wee pal for softplay. They are connected at the hip some times.

Original poster
Onelittleone · 23/12/2021 22:23

DS would love a pet but DH and I are both allergic to cats and dogs.Maybe we should look into a guinea pig or something.

Does anyone feel guilty about trying to arrange playmates with other parents? My friends with two kids never seem to be particularly bothered about getting theirs kids together with their friends.

OP posts:
Robostripes · 23/12/2021 22:52

My DS (5 nearly 6) is an only, also not really by choice. Mostly he’s pretty happy in his own company. We are lucky to have neighbours with similar aged children so in the summer he plays outside in the street with them a lot. Since he’s been at school he has the odd play date, usually initiated by me - it seems like at the moment most play dates are still driven by the parents being friends, I don’t do many drop offs or pick ups so I don’t have many friends at the school gates, therefore I don’t seem to get many invites - but I don’t really care, I’ll keep inviting kids here if DS wants me to and they usually accept, he gets the odd invite back too. Then at the weekends we often see friends of ours who have similar aged children he can play with so I don’t feel he’s too deprived.

Actual holiday holidays haven’t been on the cards for a while obv but next time we go abroad we’re thinking of doing a resort with kids club etc so he can make some friends. Up until now we’ve always done self catering but I feel like he needs other kids more now. When we went away in the UK this summer he happily approached other kids on the beach nearly every day to find pals to build sandcastles with etc, so he’s a pretty confident little thing which makes me feel less guilty!

Atmywitsend29 · 23/12/2021 22:59

Not that often. DS is 8 and is an only.
In summer he used to go and play at the green over the road with his friends from school (we live in a village), but in winter he doesn't go out.
We don't do play dates and stuff.
If I'm completely truthful it's mainly because DH works days and I currently work nights, so when we have any time off we don't want to be around other people's kids. Luckily for me DH is a gamer, and DS loves video games aswell so he's more than happy for us to chill at home playing together Grin

OhWhyNot · 23/12/2021 23:06

Often three/four times a week

Ds has always been very popular and the child other parent/s are happy to have around (don’t worry I do my fair share of having other children)

Orreries · 23/12/2021 23:10

Well, not this Christmas, as everyone is trying to keep away from sources of infection, but generally DS (9) leads a pretty sociable life out of school. We moved countries in early 2020, and I just asked who’d he’d like to invite over after school from his new classmates, and it went from there. We met on beaches when it was possible during the summer of the first lockdown. Last summer he and his little gang did the same sports camp and then the same sailing/watersports camp.

Original poster
Onelittleone · 24/12/2021 08:53

Looking at these answers maybe I should make a bit more effort. We moved area and I've not really been able to get knownother parents. Maybe this could be my new year resolution

OP posts:
KittyBurrito · 24/12/2021 09:15

This is an interesting thread, and I'm glad the OP posted it. When our DS was primary aged, we made a lot of effort to arrange playdates. Now he's at high school, he doesn't want us to do that, but hasn't quite got to the point where he thinks to swop numbers with friends etc. We have done s bit of prompting but he just doesn't respond. I think he's a bit lonely (certainly craving nonstop attention from us, which is exhausting). But we can't do the things we would normally do, like ask friends out to cinema, trampoline park etc because of CV19 (hosting elderly DP on Xmas Day so minimising contacts now). It feels like a rather boring, kidfree life, which looks likely to continue into Jan. I genuinely don't know what to do about it. Before anyone launches into me, we are living in a real Covid black spot, so have good reason to be careful.

ShortDaze · 24/12/2021 09:23

I have 2 DC, but they are very different. The 10yo needs and thrives on playing and social contact. So I tend to WhatsApp the parents of her closest friends and ask if anyone is around, and then work from there. She ended up ice skating (with an only, whose mum was pleased to have along) and having a sleepover (with a friend who does have a sibling but with a big age gap) this week. I’ll do the same next week, restrictions permitting.

caringcarer · 24/12/2021 09:40

I have a foster son we have cared for for over 10 years and he feels like my own now. My own children are adults now so he is on his own a lot. He goes to school some distance from our house so does not have school friends close by. He has lots of friends in his various sports clubs though. He sees them every week. Over summer holidays I borrow my niece to come on holiday with us as it gives foster son someone to do things with and my sister can't afford to take niece on holiday so they come to stay with us in holiday home.