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Original poster

Introverts with house guests...

60 replies

Tittie · 23/12/2021 11:53

How do you manage over Christmas? I find it quite draining having to host for several days, and will miss having quiet down time.

I've deliberately under-bought on a few things so I'll have to pop out to the shop (hopefully alone!), but I'm not sure how to grab a few minutes in the evenings.

OP posts:
HarrisMcCoo · 23/12/2021 16:32

Just don't volunteer to host. Easy.

MaryAndHerNet · 23/12/2021 16:37

I don't invite anyone over or accept any invitations to gatherings.

I don't like people at the best of times, at Christmas, I like them even less.

OfMinceAndMen · 23/12/2021 16:45

Thank god for the dog!! I'll go for a dog walk. I'll claim I'm just popping out for 30 mins, but will be 90 mins. I might sit on a bench while im at it and stare into space for a bit.
I once got so overwhelmed with the ENDLESS BLOODY TALKING that I sat on the floor of our en suite in tears with ear plugs in!!

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 23/12/2021 17:19

I offer everyone a hot drink and then I sit with my cup of tea in the living room and read my book. Introvert guests look at me with joy and find their books / phones too. My extrovert husband takes the hint and rounds up the extrovert guests to go and be sociable in another room 😀

Sometimes I just announce that I’m tired and going for a nap. I don’t invite anyone who would be offended by this!

BananaPant · 23/12/2021 17:20

I don't do it.

I couldn't and I wouldn't.

I loathe people at the bet of times, let alone Christmas.

BlingLoving · 23/12/2021 17:24

I think if you are close enough to people to invite them for a few days over christmas, you should be able to just work time in. eg agree in advance that breakfast is a "help yourself when you're ready" type affair and then everyone can just wonder in and out, going back to bed with tea or whatever. You can make this a stronger thing by agreeing in advance that you'll all gather at 11:00 to go for a walk/do that activity/etc.

Ditto, in the evening, a cherry - "I'm off for a bath - help yourself to drinks etc" shouldn't go down badly unless you think your guest might also like a bath in which case you might want to negotiate! Grin.

Still in theme of knowing people well, I'd probably lay out when I have other plans etc eg, "right, on Monday I'm popping out to get a few chores done so I'll leave you guys to make your own plans/relax at home"

etc etc.

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 23/12/2021 17:25

I’m an introvert & off to stay with my family tomorrow, they at least all understand that if I disappear for a bit it’s not personal. I love hosting, but 2 nights is my max for that.

I don’t know how people cope with other people actually living in their home. I’ve done it in the past, obviously, but I couldn’t mow!

Shebangshebong · 23/12/2021 17:38

I dont host full stop.

HarrisMcCoo · 23/12/2021 19:28

@Shebangshebong

I dont host full stop.
Same here. I did several years ago and found it too stressful. Not getting a minute to myself, serving folk hand and foot. No thanks. Want peace to myself.
TheDrWillSeeYouNow · 23/12/2021 19:42

Wow, reading this has been incredible, it feels so good to know there are other people out there like me, doing the same strategies etc just to get time alone. I have a two night max rule on house guests. If it was up to me, they would all stay in a local hotel, but DH likes having his parents to stay and I love him so try to be accommodating.

I always ensure that I will need to nip to the shops to get something important that has been forgotten. I cook elaborate meals that mean I have to be alone in the kitchen for a while, and do not accept offers of help for the cooking. I do all bed and bathtimes for DC and usually hide in my room for a while after they have gone to bed - no one realises this and just thinks it's taking a long time to put them to bed.

middleager · 23/12/2021 19:52

I don't host or accept invitations.
I don't put people up at all or stay with them, whatever time of year.
I'm nearly 50 and it took a while to figure this out.

I wouldn't open the door if it wasn't for DH! There's an acquaintance, a parent of DC's friend, who pops in for hours. I always check the Ring doorbell and avoid. During lockdown she would invite herself into our garden.
DH always answers the door! My heart sinks.

VoyageInTheDark · 23/12/2021 20:32

@GirlOfTudor

This is where my baby comes in handy. I'll 'need' to feed him in another room, change him, take him out for a walk, take him somewhere quieter to help him nap Grin
This is my plan while in laws are here!
MrsHookey · 23/12/2021 20:35

@BruceAndNosh

I wash the kitchen floor, but intentionally wash it in the wrong direction so that I am "stuck in the far corner" conveniently where I can't be seen from the hall. Also can't be seen is the copy of the Financial Times Christmas crossword and a glass of bailey's
Sounds lovely!
Original poster
Tittie · 23/12/2021 20:38

@TheDrWillSeeYouNow

Wow, reading this has been incredible, it feels so good to know there are other people out there like me, doing the same strategies etc just to get time alone. I have a two night max rule on house guests. If it was up to me, they would all stay in a local hotel, but DH likes having his parents to stay and I love him so try to be accommodating.

I always ensure that I will need to nip to the shops to get something important that has been forgotten. I cook elaborate meals that mean I have to be alone in the kitchen for a while, and do not accept offers of help for the cooking. I do all bed and bathtimes for DC and usually hide in my room for a while after they have gone to bed - no one realises this and just thinks it's taking a long time to put them to bed.

It's reassuring isn't it!

If I lived alone I wouldn't host, I'd probably end up a bit of a recluse - but it's my DH's (lovely) family and I don't want to stop him from having a nice time. He does plenty that he doesn't enjoy, for my sake, too.

OP posts:
BillyBarryBoo · 23/12/2021 20:41

I'm upstairs "doing my physio exercises"

LivingInaBuildingSite · 23/12/2021 20:42

I definitely prefer to be at home than someone else’s house like others have said.

I have tried various versions of hiding but MIL has no concept of personal space or downtime and tends to follow me.
If I was turning compost for eg, she’d come with me. Anything I say I’m doing to get away, she’ll jump up and join me. Totally defeats the object.
She has been known to follow me into my bedroom when I want to get dressed.

Luckily she’s going deaf and refuses to admit it, so I can mutter something and disappear and she can’t hear to join in. 😂 equally, if the DC are on good form they keep her busy and I can escape!

I even offered to work a shift tomorrow when they arrive to reduce contact time, even though work involves other people I can cope with them.

Not sure when they’re leaving yet…..

Zxcvbnm123456 · 23/12/2021 20:42

DH is a super host so I can normally escape for a couple of hours with a book and mug of tea to our room and not be missed.

DH actually is more introverted than me. We don't host anyone who expects attention 24/7. All guests have easy access to tea and coffee and snacks. We also always tell them loose plans and also when downtime is. I find everyone appreciates a bit of time to themselves as single people or couples.

mnetting · 23/12/2021 20:44

My dad was an introvert and would just excuse himself off to the office for a while or go and watch telly in another room and nobody batted an eye but that seems to be more acceptable for men.
As a woman introvert I have always found people are offended if you aren't open with them, now I just tell the truth and say I need to recharge for a while.

PlanetNormal · 23/12/2021 20:45

I don’t invite people to stay. Problem solved.

mewkins · 23/12/2021 20:45

@thereisonlyoneofme

Thats what dogs are for they desperately need an hours walk twice a day !
My dad always did this. He had to have a dog just so he could go off for some peace. I now have a dog and always volunteer to take the dogs for a walk.
Grumpyosaurus · 23/12/2021 20:48

Baths.
Dog walks (if you can slip out unnoticed).
Dropping something off at a neighbour's (too close to drive, 10-15 min walk).
Cleaning. A lot of people just melt away if you start blitzing the kitchen.

EssexLioness · 23/12/2021 20:50

@ShippingNews

I'm an introvert - I wouldn't invite anyone to stay over at Christmas for multiple days. I'd end up in tears in the bedroom. I just don't invite people for anything more than a nice meal.
Same!
Bin85 · 24/12/2021 09:00

Having an introvert to stay is also hard work !One who freely admits he doesn't like people.Day 1 is OK by day 3 I am banging kitchen cupboard doors with all the yes and no answers!!

Rainartist · 24/12/2021 09:14

@sheroku

I tend to get up quite early and go to bed early so I can have quiet time on my own at the beginning and end of the day. Sometimes I run myself a bath so I can get half an hour uninterrupted. Other times I will just sit in my bedroom for 15-20 minutes. People don't tend to notice if you disappear for 15 mins (at least that's what I've found).
This
icedcoffees · 24/12/2021 09:17

I just don't invite people over or accept invitations anywhere.

I don't really understand why people agree to host or attend big events that they know they won't enjoy.