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Original poster

Did you end up with the type of partner you thought you would?

42 replies

Wundering · 21/12/2021 16:38

I’m messaging/ seeing a man who is lovely and kind, works hard, would be a great partner in life but he’s very serious. I am not sure about things obviously.

I am quieter myself but always thought I’d meet my opposite, someone more lighthearted…

OP posts:

something2say · 21/12/2021 16:43

After trial and error, I've ended up with someone I like having around. Were I to analyse him, several issues wouldn't be on my ideal list. However in reality he's the sweetest easiest man ever.

In your case, why not see how it goes? See what life is like with him...

tinselvestsparklepants · 21/12/2021 16:53

I thought I'd go for someone a bit more traditionally alpha male (in my industry - ie a photographer or cinematographer or similar). I'm 10 years into marriage to a quiet, kind, funny man and I count myself very lucky that he's not the type I could have ended up with as that would have been disastrous. I think his steadiness and lack of ego is really attractive. He is still very clever and talented though, but he's not an arse. We make a good team.

Original poster

Wundering · 21/12/2021 17:03

I don’t want to lead him on (we’ve had a walk and a date). I like him very much but I’m not sure about a spark.

OP posts:

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 21/12/2021 17:05

My DP is exactly what I hoped for. We're incredibly similar and therefore have zero drama in our relationship. I've tried seeing men who are more outgoing or opposite to me but it doesn't work.

Are you sure he's very serious OP? Both me and DP would be described that way but we're not really, just takes time before we're less serious with people we don't know well.

JadeSeahorse · 21/12/2021 17:10

No spark takes me back!

I had been engaged to a gorgeous looking but arrogant arse for almost 6 years until I woke up.

Went on to date several other of similar looks/nature and then met a really nice guy at work who seemed obsessed with me for some reason. Funny, gentlemanly and had a great career but just so wasn’t my type at all.

He eventually won me around and we have been very happily married for over 40 years. Had I married, “My type”, it wouldn’t have lasted 2 minutes and none of my exes wore very well despite their handsome looks when younger. My DH has aged like a very fine wine! 😁

OGenkiDesuKa · 21/12/2021 17:11

He’s literally my dream man. I’m very lucky!

NatMoz · 21/12/2021 17:15

Personality wise my husband is perfect although I did assume I'd be with someone taller than 5"8 but nowadays I consider that an insignificant factor in the grand scheme of things!

Original poster

Wundering · 21/12/2021 17:18

I do think he could relax and come out of his shell, yes, but he’s obviously not a extrovert.

OP posts:

Stressybetty · 21/12/2021 17:19

Have basically ended up married to a version of my dad which is what I was trying to avoid doing 🤣

MeredithMae · 21/12/2021 17:22

This is about the SPARK. Generally I think it should be there right away.

I'd not have picked my DW out in my twenties, but she is perfect for me now and I wish I hadn't wasted years of my life in shit relationships of people who are the opposite of her! She is quiet, calm, kind and steady and I love her for it. I may have found that boring when younger...

RiderGirl · 21/12/2021 17:25

I thought I'd end up with more of a high flyer, bitious and driven type. Been with DH nearly 14 years now and he's definitely not like that. But what he is is dependable, kind, a good dad. Does his fair share of house stuff. He works very hard at his job (he's had the same one since before we got together) but no aspirations as such, but do you know what, that's fine, we rub along great as a little team and have dealt with a few major family traumas over the last few years that would have broken some relationships. We have a comfortable little home and don't really want for anything, in the grand scheme of life things are awesome and I love him to bits ❤️

RiderGirl · 21/12/2021 17:26

Oh and to add the spark was there immediately and I knew I'd marry him straight away!!

drayday · 21/12/2021 17:29

I would never have picked my dh when I were younger. However he is reliable, hardworking and lovely and I feel so lucky now. In regards to the spark; something deeper and more integral has happened. As it turns out he is quite funny and lighthearted, he just didn't have it as his overt characteristic.

People often overlook these kind of partners, but they can be hidden gems

Original poster

Wundering · 21/12/2021 17:35

I definitely don’t know anything, but don’t want to lead him or get myself believing it’s more than it is! Argh!

OP posts:

onlychildhamster · 21/12/2021 17:36

I always thought that I would end up with someone who wasn't good looking cos I was always resolute that looks do not matter at all since I was a child (I am somewhat vain about how I look, but I do not care an iota about how my romantic partners/friends look like). And i figured that would probably mean my partner would not be good looking. But my DH is very handsome.

My DH is introverted and shy though (which I would have expected). He is also from a fairly poor background (which I also expected; most of the boys I knew growing up were rich arseholes so a lot of the romance has been lost there!).

Seafog · 21/12/2021 17:38

In general yes, but the specifics might not have been the same.

We have been together 25+ years, so we have both changed enormously in that time. Thankfully we both still like each as we keep changing. No idea quite what we will be like at the end, but that's some of the fun too!

DedafalalalalalusBloom · 21/12/2021 17:48

My husband is a kind, thoughtful, generous man with very little ego and I think he's completely wonderful. I dated a lot of absolute idiots before I met him, believing I wanted some sort of refined intellectual type. He's a worrier and I'm not, he's a planner and I'm not. I thought I wanted someone just like me but turns out we balance each other really well. I couldn't be happier.

thelegohooverer · 21/12/2021 17:54

Another one here who would have passed my dh by when I was younger. I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time, but then he says the same. We just had to mature a bit to appreciate each other.

And I’m very grateful that I didn’t get married and entangled with some of the knobs that were my type.

SoSickOfItNow · 21/12/2021 17:56

No, sadly.

niceupthedanceagain · 21/12/2021 18:00

Yes I did, in fact I "manifested" him; wrote a big long list and he ticked everything on it...

However, how serious is this guy? Don't date anyone who doesn't make you laugh...

unluckyinlife · 21/12/2021 18:17

I want to start out with the fact I adore my DH and wouldn't have him any other way.
He is the complete opposite of what I thought I wanted and very different to me.

But I knew very quickly I didn't want to be without him again.
He is quite casual, likes a practical joke, doesn't ever stress (about anything!) and hates anything academic.

I was highly academic, I am quite serious (some may say boring) I am not lighthearted at all and comedy makes me cringe and and am incredibly anxious.

We level each other out. None of my friends can work out how we are so happy or what we talk about at home as we're polar opposites. But I genuinely think he's what I needed. I laugh a lot more, I stress a lot less and can tolerate his jokes...to a degree

Original poster

Wundering · 21/12/2021 18:22

No, he’s not made me laugh :/

OP posts:

icelolly12 · 21/12/2021 18:24

I think a spark is important, that said sometimes it can ignite from nowhere e.g. between friends, but don't settle if it's not right. Sounds like you need more time together to figure it out

icelolly12 · 21/12/2021 18:24

@Wundering

No, he’s not made me laugh :/

Oh... doesn't sound promising then

Original poster

Wundering · 21/12/2021 18:30

It’s awkward because of the timing and Covid. I just feel he’s so perfectly nice. All the losers and I am ditching someone for being serious?

OP posts:

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