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Original poster

Mother to take me to court for access to grandkids

56 replies

Kanfuzed123 · 20/12/2021 22:47

I’m LC with my mother due to the fact she was physically and emotionally abusive growing up and continues to be emotionally abusive (spiteful comments, gaslighting etc). I’m the scapegoated child and my brother is the golden child.

I have 2 children one is 2 and a bit and the other a few weeks old. My mother has been ignoring me since the birth of dc2, she also said some spiteful things about how I let down my father and disappointed him before his death. I had limited contact with her more so than usual prior to birth as she has a tendency of trying create drama and stress and I was worried I wouldn’t go into spontaneous labour as I went over my due date.

Now she is saying she plans on taking me to court for access to my children. I know grandparents have no legal rights in the UK without going through the courts. I know why I’m limited contact with her, because of how she acts and each time I do speak to her she tries to start an argument or makes barbed comments and I don’t want my children exposed to that. Also due to how she treated me as a child, and continues to treat me and my husband but I have no ‘proof’ she abused me as a child and she will claim I’m the worlds worst person and deserved it.

Where do I stand in this? Will she win?

OP posts:
MrsLarry · 21/12/2021 13:45

Like others have said, go no contact with her. Block her on your phone, any social media, etc. Don't worry about her threats. It's highly unlikely she'll do anything - she's just using control tactics to try and get her own way.

She sounds like my mother - a total narcissist - who used fear and threats to try and control me. You're an adult now and she has no power over you.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 21/12/2021 15:21

@MrsLarry

Like others have said, go no contact with her. Block her on your phone, any social media, etc. Don't worry about her threats. It's highly unlikely she'll do anything - she's just using control tactics to try and get her own way.

She sounds like my mother - a total narcissist - who used fear and threats to try and control me. You're an adult now and she has no power over you.

You are right @MrsLarry she’s a total narcissist who uses any tool at her disposal to control and get her own way. She’s apparently disinherited me too, which as all the assets are my late fathers and he wouldn’t want that is practically spitting on his grave but I don’t particularly care as there is more to life than money and she’ll probably fritter it away anyway.

She is spiteful enough though to at least attempt to take me to court, she’ll know I can’t afford to fight her in a long drawn out court process. I worry she’ll accuse me of neglect and call social services, she’s been accusing me of neglect for a long time and I wouldn’t put an anonymous tip to SS past her. My daughter is very small and now faltering growth (but she was iugr) and she’s already insistent she’s neglected as she doesn’t have designer clothes (next for home and best and George for nursery). No professional has ever raised even a tiny bit of concern around welfare so I don’t know how seriously they’d take it

OP posts:
kitkatsky · 21/12/2021 15:32

@Kanfuzed123 they wouldn't take it seriously. They'd be duty bound to investigate a malicious allegation, but in my case that was a call to me to ask me to respond to allegations and to ask my permission to call DDs nursery to check they had no concerns. As your child attends nursery they may do the same if she did report you. It's nothing to worry about but it is a bit embarrassing, so if you think it might happen you could clue the nursery in, in advance. Try not to worry

2bazookas · 21/12/2021 15:54

She's lying. Even if she had the money t pay a lawyer to take a civil case to court ( unlikely) she would still lose.

. She's a desperate loser trying to hurt/ get a response from you, just ignore her.

LonginesPrime · 21/12/2021 16:37

My daughter is very small and now faltering growth (but she was iugr) and she’s already insistent she’s neglected as she doesn’t have designer clothes (next for home and best and George for nursery). No professional has ever raised even a tiny bit of concern around welfare so I don’t know how seriously they’d take it

Well, if this is genuinely the extent of her concern, are you seriously worried that you somehow are neglecting DD and simply don't realise it?

I think you need to take a further step back from her as it sounds like she's gaslighting you and undermining your confidence as a parent and you seem to keep going back for more.

Think about it logically - if she doesn't see DD and doesn't spend time with you, how can she know what kind of a mother you are anyway?

Abusive parents often make their DC scared of the authorities from a young age to cover up the abuse they're inflicting and to make children think that disclosing the abuse would be worse than enduring it. It sounds like she's capitalising on your existing fear of authority that she's already instilled in you in order to continue to control you now.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 21/12/2021 16:43

@LonginesPrime

My daughter is very small and now faltering growth (but she was iugr) and she’s already insistent she’s neglected as she doesn’t have designer clothes (next for home and best and George for nursery). No professional has ever raised even a tiny bit of concern around welfare so I don’t know how seriously they’d take it

Well, if this is genuinely the extent of her concern, are you seriously worried that you somehow are neglecting DD and simply don't realise it?

I think you need to take a further step back from her as it sounds like she's gaslighting you and undermining your confidence as a parent and you seem to keep going back for more.

Think about it logically - if she doesn't see DD and doesn't spend time with you, how can she know what kind of a mother you are anyway?

Abusive parents often make their DC scared of the authorities from a young age to cover up the abuse they're inflicting and to make children think that disclosing the abuse would be worse than enduring it. It sounds like she's capitalising on your existing fear of authority that she's already instilled in you in order to continue to control you now.

Well, if this is genuinely the extent of her concern, are you seriously worried that you somehow are neglecting DD and simply don't realise it?

No, I’m not sure how I wouldn’t realise if I was neglecting her. We’ve made mistakes with introducing solids to her, mainly from crap advice from the health visitor to make sure she eats more when in reality she was eating fine, and this has made her a bit temperamental with foods. Her drop in weight is concerning but it doesn’t have anything to do with neglect as she’s given 3 healthy meals and 3 snacks a day.

But you are right, she would always say I was going to get taken away by the police and social services and put in a home as a child for ‘delinquent behaviour’

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