ASD son talking constantly about latest obsession -help!!

[PrancingQueen]

How do I manage this?
He’s a lovely boy, 9 years old, but since the age of 2 he has developed obsessions about some quite random things. He watches You Tube, reads books to ‘research’ and talks about nothing else!
His current obsession is frankly so boring (to me) I want to scream . He has talked about nothing else for 3 months - HELP!
How do I manage this?
If I say let’s chat about something else for a while, he’ll either manage this for all of 2 minutes before crow-barring in his subject, or just look at me like I’m mad!
I’ve really tried to involve myself - some obsessions have been more interesting than others, but honestly, this current one is so damn boring.

Any ideas welcome. Thanks for reading.

My DS is not diagnosed, he is 10 he has always had obsessions with rocks, plants, chemistry etc. He is also an avid collector of specimens and sees beauty in all these things. He often carries special rocks with him. Our house is full of rocks. Although he struggles socially he is amazingly focused at school. Presents for him are tricky and I always try to cater for his interests. His best ever was when we went on holiday somewhere where there were great fossils he literally mined the area.

Ah my tribe!!!!

Recent special subjects here are bees and ants, dr who, my little pony “friendship is magic”, nerf rhino fire and Japanese confectionery. They have NO shits to give about whether the audience is interested.

@WoodenReindeer

And no autistic people don't grow out of being autistic. But they may find ways to communicate their interests to others (Chris Packham for example, or countless teachers and researchers...)

You don't grow out of it, but what I've found is that my behaviours have changed as I've aged because I've become more consciously aware of social cues and how to read when people are pretending to be engaged but are actually just nodding along out of politeness.

I'm a typical monologuer and have always had special interests. Some are life-long, others temporary but intensive. I've learned to restrain myself from starting conversations or manipulating ongoing conversations around to special interest topics, but, if someone happens to ask me about one of these topics or it comes up in conversation naturally, I go straight into 20-30 minute monologue mode, get frustrated if people try to interrupt before I consider a point made or sufficient detail provided, and I'll listen intently to any reply, but immediately go straight into a further monologue to address any questions or points raised.

I don't wilfully inflict this on others anymore, but if it happens unprompted then I still get the same irresistible compulsion to talk until I consider the discussion over that children who haven't yet developed the ability to read social cues get.

My son does this it really helps regulate him and makes him happy, Currently it's a card game which isn't too bad! I'd encourage some independence so could he film himself talking about it or do some writing but definitely don't make him feel like he can't talk about it! You have my sympathies tho.

@PrancingQueen

Omg - just got back home and read your replies! Thank you So many special kids (and adults) and some amazing obsessions!

DS’s current obsession is war ships.
He’s been through dinosaurs (they always stay around), the Titanic, aircraft, sharks, Godzilla and other more random interests.

It’s the level of detail and knowledge that astounds me. I wish he could focus the same way at school!

Loving the PowerPoint idea, and the time limit to offload.
I read that some kids with ASD and obsessions hide or mask their obsessions at school or with friends so ‘information dump’ on those close to them who’ll toleratelisten to their monologues.

It’s really cheered me up reading about your amazing kids, thank you.

Yes that's right. You are the safe place for your child to be themselves 😊

'Sorry to interrupt darling, but I really have to ....' and then announce something really important that you must do. It works with my adult son.
MY DH and DS both have ASD, and I'm quite glad that they can discuss between them a subject of interest. I do sometimes feel that I am attending a lecture at a Royal Society of something event and then make my excuses and leave the room for a while. My DS does now understand that he needs to a) ask if he's talking too much and b) stop for breath.
If you are eager to hear about the Russian Royal family he's your man.

My ASD 13 year old had me up at 4am today. It's now 5:50am and they are info dumping geology on me. Lol.

I love their special interests. It's the sheer joy on their face when they are sharing their absolute love of the subject with me. It literally lights them up!.

But yes it can be a bit draining. So we have a certain time in the day where we go upstairs, chill on my bed and they get my undivided attention to chew my ear off lol. Then during the day if they come to me all excited with a new piece of research I can say "oh great save this for our time later so I can listen properly". Works for us.

@BogRollBOGOF your DS's Morrisons love reminds me of DS1's Curry's obsession. Dear God.

I used to pack a picnic and a book every Saturday. The staff started switching the tvs over to CBeebies when they saw DS roll through the door.

You have my sympathies. DS1 went through a total wipe out phase whixh was incessant. Talking about it constantly, analysing the times and the course and everything.

But that was better than the 6+months of obsession with Warwick Davies. That was a low point because once you have talked about HP, and Willow and Tenable what else is left!!

And DS2 went through a Sainsburys phase. We would go every day at one point. He would recite the aisle numbers and what was down each as we walked around. The greeter at the door knew him by name and he was like a celebrity.

I once endured a video of the Himalayan railway on repeat. This included pausing and rewinding a part where one carriage was clipped to another because the sound was "satisfying". I prayed for gin.

It’s been great reading this
With dd13 (awaiting assessment) I find it hard to get the balance between ‘being her safe space’ where she can let rip to me about her current interest etc, and as others have suggested here, helping her to develop her social communication skills and recognise when someone is getting bored and disengaged with the monologue, and encouraging her to ask questions and have a 2 way conversation.
She can be incredibly self aware and sensitive and gets upset when her group of ‘friends’ say things like ‘no one asked’ and give her a look, or tell her she’s going on about something. So I don’t want her to feel she has that at home too but I want to help her be a better listener and conversationalist as I worry about her future friendships and relationships.

This thread has made me so happy.

It has also reminded me of the walk to our local library as a child where my DM endured the excitement of counting the drains. In fairness to me there were more drains than necessary for a short street.

@TravellingSpoon

And DS2 went through a Sainsburys phase. We would go every day at one point. He would recite the aisle numbers and what was down each as we walked around. The greeter at the door knew him by name and he was like a celebrity.

DS had a Sainsburys obsession too! He knew all the aisle numbers and would go up to staff and ask their names. He’d also get very upset if we didn’t go into the cafe.

I feel for you OP. DS9 is lovely but chatters on and is exhausting. However one thing that gives him an outlet is ‘writing a book’. I get him a big notepad and pens and he pens a long novel about his obsession. He’s also written very long rambling word documents about his subject of choice. Sometimes it’s literally just sitting and writing numbers or times tables.

Ds is exactly the same. He has a few real obsessions. But a current one is a bit extreme, involving a pupil from his school. Drives me mad. It’s all he talks about, from getting up to going to bed. I hear her name in my sleep. Everything he does, eating drinking, bathing, getting dressed, it somehow still involves her. He makes stories up about her too, ‘apparently’ (ie, not true lol) her mum drove into a frozen lake and died on the last day of term and now she’s got nowhere to live. No ds, she isn’t living with us

They’ve had to separate them in school too because of ds said obsession.

Bless him, he doesn’t understand how annoying he is being, but god if I never heard her name again it would be too soon.

My eldest is currently obsessed with back flips. He watches endless YouTube videos and petitions me to take him to trampoline parks and researches all the gymnastics clubs in a 200 mile radius that I should take him to.

It's such a drain. Tbh, I'm reluctant to sign him up to gymnastics as I know from experience that this intense focus on one thing usually burns out within a month or two and then he it is dead to him. I just bide my time and nod without really listening when he's droning on about it.

Another he has is watching YouTube videos on mouldy food time lapses, he is utterly fascinated by food going mouldy and talks about it a lot. He makes me Chuck food out on the green area across from our house and then wants to check it at regular intervals to check it’s current stage of decay

This whole thread is making me feel so warm and normal.

My little boy is a monologuer and whatever he doesn't know about his current interest, he just makes up. It's been really hard finding the balance between 'that's interesting' and 'is that a fact or a theory?' He's getting better at owning the bit where is he just riffing off what he does know

I'm diagnosed autistic and many of the rest of us probably are but undiagnosed.

When my nephew was about 8, I was talking to him on the phone and probably going on too much asking him too many questions and rambling when he didn't respond. After a while he said very firmly, "Auntie Jules, I need to go and read my book now" and that was that.

So in our family now when someone is banging on, we just say, I need to go and read my book now. We find it funny and not offensive.

As a child I was constantly told I was boring at home and had no friends at school, which was very lonely and I became quite depressed. Being as blunt as we are now only works because we all know we love each other. I didn't really feel that as a child so make sure that he knows you love him but you only have so much tolerance for info dumps.

We had a book at one point called "dude, I'm an aspie" kids edition. It has a great cartoon in it about someone who's obsession is duct tape. DS totally got that he wasn't interested in duct tape, and that it'd be awful to have someone never shut up about duct tape. Now if we're in polite company and he's off on one with an audience too polite to say "nooooooo, no more dungeons and dragons replays", we can usually bring him down with a "this is not (insert name)'s duct tape".

It's a fine line between excluding him from conversation (unfair and marginalising) and expecting the whole world (especially his wee brother) to play the audience to his one man show.

Am with you OP it can be very exhausting.
But in those supercharged afternoons when I've had a 1000 facts repeated since 5am I remind myself our child was almost non verbal pre lockdown and that training myself in speech therapy methods did exactly what the school had told me was never possible.
The arguing back (recent development) though is more challenging 😵‍💫

Ah, my people. I am now feeling grateful that DD's obsessions mostly involve doing stuff, not talking about it. I have noticed her obsessions get worse when she's anxious about something (there was a nightmare holiday where her anxiety about DH's absence manifested itself in an obsession focused on pillows and cushions...but was mummy allowed a single pillow...er noooo).

Kahoot is great. They take ages to make and not long to do. Get them making Kahoots!

I will also grudgingly admit that Roblox and Minecraft are quite fun in small doses. If you can't beat 'em...

@danni0509

Another he has is watching YouTube videos on mouldy food time lapses, he is utterly fascinated by food going mouldy and talks about it a lot. He makes me Chuck food out on the green area across from our house and then wants to check it at regular intervals to check it’s current stage of decay

We once went through a stage of hydraulic press videos. Hours and hours of various objects being squished by presses. Admittedly, very satisfying but kind of boring after a while.

Now it’s fecking numberblock videos. I hate YouTube sometimes.

It has been brilliant reading this thread.
3 DC with special interests here - 2 with ASD, 1 with complex needs.

DS1’s special interest is Lego, which isn’t too bad as when I have had enough I can direct him to DH, an AFOL, or DS3 who is also obsessed. Although we could open a Lego store, and there isn’t a room in the house with bricks in it.

DS3’s special interest is war/conflict, current affairs and politics. We have a ban on discussing such matters at the dinner table following one particular heated ‘discussion’. KCL’s War Studies degree is what he is aiming for in several years time.

DD2 is putting several childhood special interests to good use with a Natural Science degree. Thankfully these days she has other people which she can discuss such matters with, which is a good job as a lot of it is beyond my scientific knowledge.

Travellingspoon But that was better than the 6+months of obsession with Warwick Davies. That was a low point because once you have talked about HP, and Willow and Tenable what else is left!!

Star Wars, Dr Who, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Hitchhikers’ guide to the galaxy, Life’s Too Short… I’ll get my coat! You can see which parent my DC get their ND from.

@Prokupatuscrakedatus

DS started with Berlin public transport aged 4, worked his way via dinosaurs and the the lord of the rings to minecraft, starwars and startrek. He is a young adult now and occasionally comes to me announcing his intention to "display an AS symptom" that is: a large scale infomation dump of the latest aspect of one of his interests. At least he prewarns me now!

This is so lovely!