ASD son talking constantly about latest obsession -help!!

[PrancingQueen]

How do I manage this?
He’s a lovely boy, 9 years old, but since the age of 2 he has developed obsessions about some quite random things. He watches You Tube, reads books to ‘research’ and talks about nothing else!
His current obsession is frankly so boring (to me) I want to scream . He has talked about nothing else for 3 months - HELP!
How do I manage this?
If I say let’s chat about something else for a while, he’ll either manage this for all of 2 minutes before crow-barring in his subject, or just look at me like I’m mad!
I’ve really tried to involve myself - some obsessions have been more interesting than others, but honestly, this current one is so damn boring.

Any ideas welcome. Thanks for reading.

DS1 has been the same since he could speak. He's 25 now and a maths teacher. His favourite subject.....maths.
Luckily DH speaks his language

No hint of DS turning any of his special interests into any kind of payed work.
I usually retaliate by telling him - at great length - about phraseologisms in different languages or procurement law .

Mine monologues about history. It's a different monologue each time so I nod and smile. Rinse and repeat. Ask the occasional question.
Get my own back by monologuing about Strictly
His sister's reactions are somewhat more robust, shall we say.

[quote Prokupatuscrakedatus]@amusedbush - Yes please tell me (otherwise I'll have to find out myself) - I am the one who geneteically contributed (to put it mildly ) to my DC's AS and ADD.[/quote]
Firstly, I find it really sad that nosy people caused the dodo to become extinct. They reckon western people sailed there and introduced rats or dogs into the ecosystem, and dodos had no sense of self-preservation so they were hunted and their eggs eaten.

As for the taxidermy specimens, the only remaining artefacts we have today (just a desiccated head, I believe) are under lock and key for scientific study. The models that were created back then (which were made by cobbling together random bones found in a mass dodo grave, so likely inaccurate anyway) were done so badly they ended up rotting so the museums had to dispose of them. The ones that we see in modern museums are replicas based on written stories, paintings, and the Frankenstein’s monster style specimen created 100+ years ago.

Anyway, I’ve moved on from dodos since finding a Tiktok account belonging to an anthropologist who talks about how humans have evolved over millennia

He could tell Alexa all about it?

I’ve learned to zone out, ds13 talks avidly about his obsessions and 2 or 3 of them are so mind numbingly boring. I lose the will to live. He talks so much about it I don’t get a word in edgeways so he has no idea if I’m paying full notice.

It's actually nice to read about other children's obsessions. My DS can talk non-stop about his favourite subject and isn't too bothered whether I am actively listening or not. It fascinates me that his whole life can revolve around an obsessions and then he just drops it and moves on to another. Sometimes it feels like he barely remembers the love he had for the last topic.

Oh OP, I hear you. Mine is also like this. Once I've had my fill of "information" I will try and distract him with something or jolly him along to do other things. I also have an issue with him being a collector of rubbish. He's like a magpie, we've got drawers of stones, bits of metal, twigs, you name it, he'll think it's "treasure". He's 10, it's not eased off yet. Because he's autistic I try and exhibit patience but my God it's trying at times 🙄

I'm 26 years in now with my eldest ds with Aspergers and his monologues! I do have an auto pilot function with our conversations now and even when nothing seems to stick to my brain, he's happy that he's had the chat!

I just zone out when either of mine do this. I fake an interest for a while initially though and will do what I can to satisfy the obsession by books/research/visits to relevant places. After a few weeks though I do just tend to lose the ability to fake it. I will say to DS18 'you are doing that thing autistic people do...' he replies 'yeah, I don't care' and carries on with a smile I'm also autistic and DH will say to me 'yeah, you told me this' with an eyeroll (friendly, before anything thinks I should LTB) and I do just shut up

I'm feeling it. Ds2 ended up breaking up for school a, week early with a cough that he wouldn't let me test him for and every time he's near me I'm subjected to a jumble of bus routes and liveries, significant dates in the school calendar, when he thinks we'll next see grandma and grandad, what cars everyone drives and what we'll pack when we next visit my parents. He's severely autistic with learning disability and a severely debilitating tic disorder that is being investigated so the comment about sending him to his room to practice his speech did make me snigger. He monologues in his room, too.

Just tell him: I canm listen to this for twenty minutes a day but after that I need time to think my own thoughts and discuss other things that matter to me. If you want to keep talking about your interest you can;t do it to me.

Can you encourage him to create podcasts, a blog or you tube videos (with comments deactivated) or to create a scrapbook/non-fiction fact book on his favourite subjects so he can direct his energy there istead of talking at you?

I feel like a terrible mother because my ds, 10, must have accepted I find his monologuing irritating and I'm not allowed in the room when he's doing it. I walk in, he walks out... I find it sad as he really doesn't know how to do conversation and desperately wants to be accepted by his peers :(

My son's psychologist said to use it as a teaching moment... listen for a bit, then start to overexaggerate 'bored' cues, for eg heavy sighing, looking away, fidgeting etc, if still no response, then say "hey have you noticed how I am doing xyz, what do you think that means?" And you can also role play afterwards what a person would do if they were interested and engaged in the conversation.

My people!

I currently have to listen to monologues about terraria, monster hunter, and Drag Race.

I nod and smile so much that I am surprised my head is still attached!

[quote PrancingQueen]@Doubleraspberry that must have been hard to hear.
That’s what I’m worried about really - balancing his non-stop chatter about the Bismarck, the Hood, the Yamato etc and the endless details about how they were torpedoed and sunk 😬

His knowledge astounds me but I will definitely use some of the advice given here to get him to understand that it’s not socially appropriate to dominate conversation with his interests all the time.[/quote]
I have his soul mate
I recognise those words. Loves WW2 battles and strategies (and to the present day) We blundered on a 1940s day at a living museum when he was 4 and he was fascinated by the replica uniforms and weaponary. At 6 we whiled away a lengthy traffic jam for over an hour in answer to "Why did Titler (sic) invade other countries" which involved going through WW1.

Also loves marine biology, geography and the finer points of black holes.
And minecraft. I now play minecraft.

Started off with Fireman Sam, Thomas and Morrisons. Oh how he loved Morrisons.

When he was in y1, it was Roald Dahl day a couple of weeks into term and parents were invited in. Teacher starts with "what was Roald Dahl famous for?" and makes the mistake of picking DS1 and gets the fighter pilot-crashed in Iraq- head injuries- flying in Greece section of Going Solo. She pauses stunned, and asks another child "what else was he famous for?" "He was a writer Miss"

Fortunately he has beautiful eyes that I sort of sink into when he gets going and my brain gets overloaded.

This thread has been most enjoyable to read... as the parent of a 24 yr old autistic man.... most of you have years ahead of this!
BUT our kids are also the most amazing human beings! I wish I could somehow get my son in a job where he could use his special interests!
He can't shave himself, make a sandwhich, travel indepenently..he will always need supported living when I die.... but dear Lord the knowledge he has...
I just have to go mentally deaf at times :)

My son's psychologist said to use it as a teaching moment... listen for a bit, then start to overexaggerate 'bored' cues, for eg heavy sighing, looking away, fidgeting etc,

I used it as a teaching moment in the opposite way, I embraced the obsessions and helped them learn as much as they could about the subject. What kind of psychologist is recommending this kind of response to a child?

The kind of psychologist who is helping you to help your child to live comfortably in a world where not everyone will tolerate their boring monologues. Because like it or not, most people are neurotypical and some neurotypical people can be rude or unkind when someone (with autism or just someone who is very boring/self interested) is going on and on and on about something without any awareness of their audience and their level of engagement of interest.

And honestly, why should someone have to listen to someone talking endlessly about a subject they have no interest in! Both my dc are autistic. Fortunately one has a specialist interest shared with my dh so they can talk endlessly about it. The other one has an interest none of the rest of us are remotely interested in. So she now has found other people interested in it and they talk endlessly about it together, completely happy. Dd and I have other stuff to talk about so it's fine.

Teaching your autistic child social skills is a good idea. As long as they have an outlet where they can unmask and talk about their special interest, relax, unwind etc.

@santaclothes

My son's psychologist said to use it as a teaching moment... listen for a bit, then start to overexaggerate 'bored' cues, for eg heavy sighing, looking away, fidgeting etc,

I used it as a teaching moment in the opposite way, I embraced the obsessions and helped them learn as much as they could about the subject. What kind of psychologist is recommending this kind of response to a child?

Unfortunately kids do need to learn this though - their peers won’t use this as a lovely moment to embrace my child’s obsession with something. They’ll feel bored and not listened to.

We do a lot of conversational practice. I prompt ds a lot about asking questions, so when he’s speaking to his siblings I’ll say ‘ok Jenny has heard all about your favourite superhero, why don’t you ask if she has a favourite character too.’ I said this on another thread today but we always say ‘you’ve got to listen if you want to be heard!’

I don’t think it would be doing him any favours to allow him to think monologuing at people is good conversational skills. As much as others need to help and support him, they’re not his built in audience. He also needs to be supported to adjust to and understand others or he’ll grow into an unhappy young man. I know I wouldn’t want a friend who simply talked at me about what they liked.

When I say ‘he’ in my comment I’m talking about my own little boy by the way. I’m not suggesting your son is like this/would be unhappy!

Just I know my son would happily talk for ages and ages about superheroes and sea animals and then as soon as another child tried to chip in would walk away. Like your son he also tries to steer it back to what he wants to talk about so that’s why we support him to understand conversations are two way, not just him talking and others listening!

I've been having whole conversations with my DS about MineCraft or Pokemon or Terraria for years now. I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about but I try to show an interest and he seems happy enough He changes topic occasionally.

I assume they grow out of it.

It goes both ways though. Just as autistic people need to leanr neurotypical ways to communicate (turn taking etc) it would help if they also learnt autistic ways to communicate - listen to each 9thers special interest properly and show interesrt, ask questions etc. Even if just for short birsts! Its so importanr to do this. Its a way of showing love and that you hear them. Imagine if someone yawned at you e erytime you talked!!

Just as an Italian living in England would need to learn English, its polite for those close to them to learn Italian too. Or be aware of Italian.

If a child close to you is sharing the thing they love most make time for it. Even if its just 10mins a day or whatever you can manage.

And no autistic people don't grow out of being autistic. But they may find ways to communicate their interests to others (Chris Packham for example, or countless teachers and researchers...)

@WoodenReindeer

It goes both ways though. Just as autistic people need to leanr neurotypical ways to communicate (turn taking etc) it would help if they also learnt autistic ways to communicate - listen to each 9thers special interest properly and show interesrt, ask questions etc. Even if just for short birsts! Its so importanr to do this. Its a way of showing love and that you hear them. Imagine if someone yawned at you e erytime you talked!!

Just as an Italian living in England would need to learn English, its polite for those close to them to learn Italian too. Or be aware of Italian.

If a child close to you is sharing the thing they love most make time for it. Even if its just 10mins a day or whatever you can manage.

I mean that’s exactly what I’ve said? That we allow him to talk but not to monologue for extended periods/go on about what he likes without listening to others.

And if I was talking for hours about something someone wasn’t interested in I would expect them to yawn to be honest. It’s boring and unfair. And my ds would be the first one to point out how boring it is to listen to his sister talk at length about ballet!