Unexpected results from 'making an effort'

[Biffatcrafts]

So yesterday when I got up I was so exhausted and low mentally and physically all I really wanted to do was crawl back into bed and stay there - flipping menopause is killing me slowly at the moment. But Christmas prep and daily chores needed to be done so pushed on through and got it all done.

In the late afternoon (4pm) DH and I had been invited to a small (10 people) pre Christmas drinks and nibbles thing by my BF and her DH. I knew 6 of the people who were going, but the last couple I hadn't met before and BF hadn't said much about them.

Now my lovely BF would have completely understood if I had messaged saying sorry honey, just too knackered to make it, but I also knew she had gone to a lot of effort to decorate and bake some amazing food, and she is a wonderful friend and I didn't want to let her down. So I 'forced' myself to shower and change, put a bit of slap on, and packed up the wine/drinks we were taking and off DH and I went.

Wow! I am so glad I did!

Apart from having a lovely time with my BF and the people I already knew, the last couple were just so lovely. Particularly the wife who was such a wonderful and interesting person. It really was like meeting a 'soul sister' ... so much in common it was extraordinary. At one moment when BF, me and this lovely lady were talking my BF just laughed and she had been so sure we would all hit it off she had been really excited for the 3 of us to meet together. We all agreed we felt like we had met another member of 'our tribe'.

It was so completely unexpected and such a joy. I came away feeling so uplifted and positive ... and I hope I will always remember this the next time I am feeling like I just cannot muster up the effort to do something.

So it led me to wonder, have any of you felt you had to do something, or go somewhere, that you really didn't want to do (or have the energy to do), but it turned out to be so much better than you thought?

(Lighthearted thread)

Sound like you had so much fun.

Nearly 40 years ago while at Uni, I was due to go to a meeting of a particular society with a friend. It was a cold, wet Monday night and she pulled out at the last minute and I was torn as to whether to cancel or go alone.

I did go and this not only led to me meeting DH but it also led to my first (pre-children) career.

I know there are always turning points in our lives, but I do count that choice as one of huge significance for me.

Wow @BlueBloodedBlue .. your effort really paid off in spades! Isn't it amazing how the universe can bring such significant things into our lives from what seems such an unimportant choice?

I went to an event yesterday that was a two hour drive each way and a few hours sitting outside in the cold. I was persuaded to go quite last minute. But I met this woman whose name I knew but had never met (she is friends with lots of my friends so it's not stalker ish to be interested in her!) who I really hope to be able to connect with again as she was just so nice and such a "level" and straightforward person, as well as being funny, hugely accomplished, extremely modest, and sadly the widow of a reasonably famous bloke. They were only together 4 years before he died, and a most unlikely couple but real soulmates and she talked so beautifully about him, not in a maudlin way but being really positive and uplifting. I was inspired by her attitude to life, work and friendships
Great thread!

When I was in my third year at uni my house mate was desperate to go to the freshers fair for some society that she wanted to join. I had no desire to go at all but she begged me and so I went along and got talking to a good looking bloke at a political society stand.
I said I’d go along to their event at a nightclub and again, didn’t really want to go, but free drink tokens were available and as I mentioned, a fit bloke was there, so there I was. Got talking to another good looking bloke who then asked for my number - we’ve now been married for 17 years, together for 22, two children together. Always grateful that I was begged into going and was easily swayed by a handsome face

@PinkCheesy it sounds like you've potentially met a new member for your tribe too. Isn't it wonderful to meet other women who inspire us, but manage to do so without being too intimidating? I often struggle with feelings of not being good enough, which really kicks in hard when I meet someone I admire and it can make me tongue tied and insecure, which I hate.

I hope the New Year will bring you opportunities to connect with her again, it sounds like you made a great impression with her too as she evidently opened up to you, and that is very special.

20 years ago I met the man that became my husband at a party. I was invited vet last minute by a mutual friend. I’d just finished work, didn’t have time to go home & change and felt like absolute crap. But forced myself to go as the friend inviting me had had a rough time and really wanted a partner in crime to go along with him and let loose.

Very glad I did .

I met my soul sister from joining an exercise class. I can’t believe how this decision a couple of years ago has changed my life so much. I’ve met my best friend and my life has become so full as a result of meeting her.

I didn’t want to go to that first exercise class.

@Ozgirl75 what a great story 👏 I know handsome faces aren't the be-all and end-all, but they are a great start ... and you got the happy-ever-after too

Wow all your stories are really reinforcing my belief that making the effort can really lead to some wonderful things ... so lovely 😍

My dad didn’t want to go out with his mate on me night because the weather was awful. His mate wanted to go to a pub a long walk away and my dad really couldn’t be bothered but made himself go. Anyway he met my mum that night as she was visiting a friend and they’ve been married 47 years.

*with his mate one night

I had a few friends over at short notice last night. I've been feeling blah for weeks, limited motivation, feeling overwhelmed, wanting to just hibernate.
But it was a wonderful night full of laughter and fun and I've woken up today feeling bright and focused with a little sprinkle of Christmas cheer.
Sometimes all sorts of things happen when you put yourself out there.

@2pointfourmonkeys I know exactly what you mean about feeling blah ... but so pleased for you that you fought it back and it brought you joy.

I used to hate it when my grandma used to look at me sternly when I was in my teenage "I hate the world, I want to die, and I can't be bothered" phase and say "Nothing good ever happens without a little effort".

Now, 45 years on, apart from wishing she was still here to say it to me, I really am learning the wisdom of her words all over again.

Ah, what a fantastic and uplifting thread. It's given me just the push I needed to get ready and head out to do my new hobby. It's cold, I've a hundred things that need doing and I was sorely tempted to say no but I already know how much better I'll feel if I go. Thank you 😊

@Whatstheweatherlike ... do go for it! I know it is so easy to give in to the 'blah' (thanks to @2pointfourmonkeys for that word, it's my favourite word of today) ... but great things, big and small, do happen when you push through it

@Whatstheweatherlike PS .. what's the hobby? You've made me curious now

Yesterday…

I used to ski a lot (we live in the US) but then a few years ago I had a heart operation and they put a pacemaker in. I have been too scared to ski ever since in case I crash or someone crashes into me. My lovely DH has been gently building me up for a while now and yesterday I gritted my teeth and went out on the slopes. I only did 4 runs (as my thighs were killing me) and I was absolutely petrified every time I heard someone coming up behind me, but I DID it and am going back out again tomorrow.

@SeaToSki wow! That is awesome - congratulations on getting out there and for overcoming your understandable fears. I hope you had a big smile on your face as you were gliding down those slopes

I normally feel like that about going out.

I make the plans. As I'm making it, I think "oh I suppose I can't get out of it" that day I dread it to the point of hoping it will be cancelled.... then I go and enjoy it.
Silly really.

I had booked speed dating as I wanted to meet someone. On the day my brother was visiting from England and I didn't feel like it. It was an absolute nightmare and by the end I just wanted to go home

The last guy I met ended up being my DH. We ended up getting married.

We're divorced now as he's an absolute nightmare. I wish I'd stayed at home.

I very, very nervously asked a complete stranger a question on twitter, relating to his work. Because I was so nervous I made it kind of jokey so I wouldn't feel like an idiot if he ignored me. He replied, giving the punchline to my joke. Several years later, he's the best friend I have ever had. It feels like we live inside each other.

30 years ago I was suffering a very badly broken heart and all I wanted to do was sit in a darkened room and cry because my life was over. But my best friend insisted I go out with her for a drink. I remember being tearful driving over to meet her because I felt so low and had to re-do my eye make up before we ventured out.

I was hating every minute of it, then made even worse because my friend pulled a gorgeous bloke and I was left playing gooseberry. Just awful, awful. I had a bit of a cry in the loos then started to make my way out. On the way to the door, this (rather gorgeous) bloke stopped me and asked me to dance. I said no, but he kept me chatting and even managed to make me smile.

Reader, I married him ❤️

I did this - joined a running group. Really put off by the person leading it. But I met a really good friend through it. The effort of going along and gritting my teeth through the leader meant I got to chat to and get to know my new friend.

I am really shy, but end up in many situations where I know nobody so have no choice but to get out there and talk to people. I have had some brilliant times because of this. Knowing I'm taking a gamble and putting my trust in it all going well has meant it has been a good choice 99% of the time.

I often feel as you did before an event. DF always says "come on tits and teeth" as she enters shoulders back, game face on and an open mind to how things will play out. It really works.

I was really down and blue last Xmas - awful run up, Covid testing delays and aggressive ExH.. just awful.

Answered a random 'advert' on NextDoor asking if anyone fancies doing some Am Dram for a group ran over Zoom. I had a telephone interview which I didn't think went that well and kind of regretted it.

The lady running it invited me back and I was so close to bailing on our initial call but I obviously didn't. From then, the organiser set up some plays and I have never looked back. Gave me a huge boost, I've met some amazing people, had so many laughs and the lady who runs it despite being quite a bit older than me, has turned into a dear friend.

I lost both parents quite young and she invited me round for nibbles and Xmas cheer last week and I was made to feel like a member of her family... warmed me to my soul! I feel so lucky and am so so glad I went ahead despite my serious misgivings!