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Original poster

Unexpected results from 'making an effort'

49 replies

Biffatcrafts · 19/12/2021 10:33

So yesterday when I got up I was so exhausted and low mentally and physically all I really wanted to do was crawl back into bed and stay there - flipping menopause is killing me slowly at the moment. But Christmas prep and daily chores needed to be done so pushed on through and got it all done.

In the late afternoon (4pm) DH and I had been invited to a small (10 people) pre Christmas drinks and nibbles thing by my BF and her DH. I knew 6 of the people who were going, but the last couple I hadn't met before and BF hadn't said much about them.

Now my lovely BF would have completely understood if I had messaged saying sorry honey, just too knackered to make it, but I also knew she had gone to a lot of effort to decorate and bake some amazing food, and she is a wonderful friend and I didn't want to let her down. So I 'forced' myself to shower and change, put a bit of slap on, and packed up the wine/drinks we were taking and off DH and I went.

Wow! I am so glad I did!

Apart from having a lovely time with my BF and the people I already knew, the last couple were just so lovely. Particularly the wife who was such a wonderful and interesting person. It really was like meeting a 'soul sister' ... so much in common it was extraordinary. At one moment when BF, me and this lovely lady were talking my BF just laughed and she had been so sure we would all hit it off she had been really excited for the 3 of us to meet together. We all agreed we felt like we had met another member of 'our tribe'.

It was so completely unexpected and such a joy. I came away feeling so uplifted and positive ... and I hope I will always remember this the next time I am feeling like I just cannot muster up the effort to do something.

So it led me to wonder, have any of you felt you had to do something, or go somewhere, that you really didn't want to do (or have the energy to do), but it turned out to be so much better than you thought?

(Lighthearted thread)

OP posts:

Elbie79 · 19/12/2021 16:11

Didn't want to go to a colleague's big birthday bash as my brother was very sick from chemotherapy and I was so sad for him. He persuaded me I needed a diversion. I had a nightmare journey, lost my phone, all very difficult. Then at the party I met the man who's now my partner and my baby's dad. He nearly didn't go either as was also having a rough time. Thinking about the sliding doors moment where one of us cried off terrifies me!

Peakedtoosoon · 19/12/2021 16:19

One of my best friendships started when I was brave and asked someone I didn't know well to join me at an event.

Really out of character for me, took a lot of effort to do it and a lot of nerves beforehand as to how the evening would go.

Whatstheweatherlike · 19/12/2021 16:23

@Biffatcrafts it's golf I'm only just starting out so it's difficult and can be frustrating but I feel so much better for getting out in the fresh air and having a go. Now back at home and I feel refreshed and ready to tackle some of those hundred jobs that need doing!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Menopause Women's health

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 19/12/2021 16:23

I took a job with an 'arty' sort. Did lots of shall I shan't I. Closest I come is a colouring book and a pack of felt tips!! She has many health issues both mh and physical.. She has brought a side of me out I didn't know I had patience wise tbh!! Turns out my ds is being assessed for asd and my new 'friend' does also. She said we were meant to meet so she can be there for me and ds as I am for her..
If I hadn't taken the job my ds may not have been so supported as I am well out of my depth..

ginslinger · 19/12/2021 16:29

I think this is lovely - I remember reading a thread recently where the OP didn't want to go to a wedding with her DP because she didn't know anyone and loads of people were telling her not to go. How do people make friends if they don't stretch themselves a little?

chocolatecronetta · 19/12/2021 19:22

@peaceanddove

30 years ago I was suffering a very badly broken heart and all I wanted to do was sit in a darkened room and cry because my life was over. But my best friend insisted I go out with her for a drink. I remember being tearful driving over to meet her because I felt so low and had to re-do my eye make up before we ventured out.

I was hating every minute of it, then made even worse because my friend pulled a gorgeous bloke and I was left playing gooseberry. Just awful, awful. I had a bit of a cry in the loos then started to make my way out. On the way to the door, this (rather gorgeous) bloke stopped me and asked me to dance. I said no, but he kept me chatting and even managed to make me smile.

Reader, I married him ❤️

I bet he's still a bit of a hunk isn't he, after all these years.

peaceanddove · 20/12/2021 16:38

Oh God, no. He's lumped the weight on (but so have I) and is going grey. But to me, he's still absolutely gorgeous.

Helocariad · 20/12/2021 16:55

Loving this thread!
I met my best friend through an activity I didn't want to go to at first. It's not really me and I no longer go but the friendship is still there over 10 years later and has been a lifeline through small children, bereavement and covid.

You just never know do you?

StarShapedWindow · 20/12/2021 17:11

My flat mate wanted me to meet her in the West End to go clubbing after she finished work, I wanted to go to our local club rather than get a train into town but it was her turn to pick so I went. I can still remember feeling so grumpy at having to catch a train and my heels gave me a blister. I met my husband that night - we’ve been together nearly 19 years. I’m so glad my flat mate dragged me out!

StrawberrySquash · 20/12/2021 18:08

I am enjoying this thread! It's a good antidote to the slew of 'Yay! Plans cancelled. Who needs people? I'm an introvert; staying in is self care' that my Twitter sometimes seems to be. None of that is wrong but there's just a bit too much of it about for my taste. So it's really nice to read the opposite story. Sometimes we need to pull ourselves together and make the effort.

Yours, someone who luxuriated in not doing much yesterday when her plans got cancelled because Covid. It was the right decision, probably.

AstroBunny · 20/12/2021 20:07

@SanFranBear

I was really down and blue last Xmas - awful run up, Covid testing delays and aggressive ExH.. just awful.

Answered a random 'advert' on NextDoor asking if anyone fancies doing some Am Dram for a group ran over Zoom. I had a telephone interview which I didn't think went that well and kind of regretted it.

The lady running it invited me back and I was so close to bailing on our initial call but I obviously didn't. From then, the organiser set up some plays and I have never looked back. Gave me a huge boost, I've met some amazing people, had so many laughs and the lady who runs it despite being quite a bit older than me, has turned into a dear friend.

I lost both parents quite young and she invited me round for nibbles and Xmas cheer last week and I was made to feel like a member of her family... warmed me to my soul! I feel so lucky and am so so glad I went ahead despite my serious misgivings!

Your post brought a tear to my eye. How wonderful ! 💜

chocolatecronetta · 20/12/2021 22:02

@peaceanddove

Oh God, no. He's lumped the weight on (but so have I) and is going grey. But to me, he's still absolutely gorgeous.

D'you call him Lumpy?

Allmadeoflego · 20/12/2021 22:07

I had this about a week or so ago. Made a “new friend” recently. Generally going and arranging to go out is a faff with my mates, but she literally text on a Sunday afternoon saying “do you fancy a quick walk around the shops”

It properly lifted my spirits and had a great time.

TheLovelinessOfBaublyDemons · 20/12/2021 22:39

This is a bit niche. I roleplay on Twitter. Last year one of my friends invited me to a "Demon Halloween Party" group chat. I was very nervous as I don't like meeting new people. There I met an OSDD 1b system who are now some of my best friends. One of them did something really amazing and lovely for me a few hours ago, just to make me happy.

waterrat · 20/12/2021 22:44

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to a party at a community space by people I knew through work. I couldn't be bothered at all and more than that I felt really nervous as I knew I would hardly know anyone and they would all be good friends. I crossed London in the dark and cold. Had to stop and take some deep breaths going in (and I'm a v outgoing person !) . I was so glad I went. I ended up in an incredible space run by unusual counterculture type inspiring people- people who are dedicated to their community and are a bit out of the mainstream . I found myself drinking wine round a huge outdoor fire with some fascinating women and it gave me some thoughts about changing my own life

waterrat · 20/12/2021 22:48

Oh I have another one but it was my friend who benefited. I had just been brutally dumped and was devastated. I was going to a festival to cheer myself up and my best friend pulled out. I remember crying my eyes out I was so gutted. I told a friend from work ..someone I didn't know that well and she said hey don't ge sad I'll come with you. Totally doing it to cheer me up.

Readers. She met her husband at that festival! Thirteen years later they are married with kids and still happy . I always thought that fate rewarded her kind act.

waterrat · 20/12/2021 22:49

Totally agree @StrawberrySquash

Original poster

Biffatcrafts · 21/12/2021 08:54

I am loving reading everyone's posts ... a lot lump in throat, aww that's wonderful stuff. Perfect morning reading

OP posts:

NothingIsWrong · 21/12/2021 09:01

Joined a facebook group for knitting / crochet. Met the three people who complete me - we have a messaging group that has been a saviour over the years, although we don't see each other very often due to geography

squashyhat · 21/12/2021 09:16

I had kept in touch with one friend out of a group of 6 of us since school. About 5 years ago my friend was making noises about trying to get in touch with the other 4 to see if they would be interested in all meeting up. I was reluctant - the group had pretty much broken up by the time we left school, some had left earlier than others and those still there had started to split into factions. We were all back living in quite a small area so she persuaded me. We met up at her house and have been meeting 3 or 4 times a year ever since. They are the best - smart, funny, no-nonsense - and despite having lived very different lives have so much in common 40 years on from school. I am so glad I overcame my reluctance

Rainartist · 21/12/2021 09:25

This is a beautiful thread!

NotVictorianHonestly · 21/12/2021 12:20

Went to a random meetup organised by a Facebook group I'm on. Complete schlep, just for lunch. Really couldn't be bothered but I'm so glad I did as I met someone who five years later is one of my best friends

valerianroot · 21/12/2021 12:24

Such a lovely story. My DS really wanted us all to visit a light show we'd booked last night and I really didn't want to go. Eventually he talked us around and we all had such a great night. So glad we did it.

RestingStitchFace · 21/12/2021 12:59

On our honeymoon in California. I was feeling really wrecked that day (badly jetlagged and also suffering from a really bad period of insomnia due to being run ragged in an unforgiving job for months before.) We in Redwood National Park and my DS wanted to walk a trail that was famed for having some particularly impressive trees. I had planned on napping in the car while he did. At the last minute, changed my mind and went down there. Was absolutely blown away by some of the largest trees on earth. The scale of them was incredible and very humbling. Was the most wonderful experience that has stayed with me 15 years later. Can't believe I almost missed it so I could have a sleep!

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