Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is this a 'school thing' or just life?

33 replies

Anordinarymum · 16/12/2021 14:18

I'm a grandparent and obviously a parent. I have been to many a school play or a performance by the children to mark the end of term/Christmas etc etc.. over the years where my children have been involved and also lately my grandchildren.
Can anyone please explain to me why they always seem to give the same child/children the best parts where they get the limelight every time leaving some children with nothing to do or at best a place on the stage where they do not even really join in?
I am not sour graping here - my own children are not among those who constantly get left out, but for those who do and their parents who come along only to see their child never included, I don't understand why?
For the child who pushes himself forward at every opportunity wouldn't it be kind to let him see he can't always have the lions share of the teacher's time?

Wouldn't it be great to try and include the child with little confidence to shine in front of Mum and Dad?
I know life isn't fair but at school where there is an opportunity for a little more kindness wouldn't it be a refreshing change?

OP posts:
Queenie72 · 16/12/2021 14:20

At our school they ask the children what their preference and some children don't want speaking parts - maybe it's this??

Sirzy · 16/12/2021 14:23

Do the other children want a big part?

blacktreegreysky · 16/12/2021 14:28

This is why I don't like forced school plays. If the school wants to do plays they should only be for kids who actually want to be in them. The rest should be able to give the whole thing a miss.
I genuinely don't understand why parents like these plays. I see a whole load of bored, miserable kids with the 'also ran' parts. I am sure even from the youngest age they are well aware they have the crap bit and feel that they are regarded as a bit crap by the teachers. Watching them sitting there bored as hell makes me genuinely sad.

The best christmas 'show' I saw was from my son's brilliant nursery where all the parents were invited in, no stage, the kids who wanted to take part crowded round the nursery worker, they sang the songs together they wanted to sing, even if that included Spiderman, and the other kids happily watched. It was informal, brilliant and everyone was happy.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education
LadyCleathStuart · 16/12/2021 14:29

I get this, in my sons class the same boy has been Joseph for 4 years running. Is it coincidence that his Aunt is a teacher in the school? I doubt it.

My son has always had decent parts also, lines to say etc. so I'm not bitter but its just very obvious to me so must be to everyone else too.

There are lots of other kids who spend every christmas show in the back row of the choir, they deserve a chance too.

Crazycat53 · 16/12/2021 14:36

At my daughter's previous school you could pretty much guarantee who would get the bigger roles. Every year it was the teachers children/relatives or governor's children. With the chair of governors child being star of the show. 🙄

Blurp · 16/12/2021 14:38

In our kids' school they ask the kids who wants a speaking role and who doesn't. Beyond that, I think it's whoever the costume fits best...

Borracha · 16/12/2021 14:38

@Queenie72

At our school they ask the children what their preference and some children don't want speaking parts - maybe it's this??
Exactly this - my Year One son had lines in his play this year and when I asked him why he was chosen he just shrugged and said 'because I put my hand up.'
HardbackWriter · 16/12/2021 14:42

It sounds lovely to give the under-confident child a chance to shine, but in practice that'll often lead to a child who bursts into tears on stage because they feel under pressure to do something that they don't feel comfortable doing. That's not much fun for anyone.

1AngelicFruitCake · 16/12/2021 14:43

I’m a teacher and try and make it more evenly spread. Not all teachers do this and it’s frustrating!

Original poster
Anordinarymum · 16/12/2021 14:45

I am not saying this happens in all schools, but I have seen it at the primary school my son went to, where there was one girl who was the star of everything.
Everyone knew she would be getting the best part even before we saw the performance.
I saw it happen again today at a Christmas performance and it took me right back to when my children were at school.
I wonder if they include these 'star' performers because it is the teacher's time to shine and so they choose the best pupils to showcase their work?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anordinarymum · 16/12/2021 14:46

@1AngelicFruitCake

I’m a teacher and try and make it more evenly spread. Not all teachers do this and it’s frustrating!
I am glad you commented. I am not meaning to sound like a misery but it does make you wonder why it happens !
OP posts:
Mudandrain · 16/12/2021 14:46

Not at ours. We make a point of ensuring different children are chosen each year .....

ALittleOldLadyTookInHerGoat · 16/12/2021 14:46

Fuck- the chair of governors child gets no preferential treatment in our school !
If anything the opposite

HardbackWriter · 16/12/2021 14:48

I think there is also an element of trying to make the show 'good' - I always used to get given roles with lots of reading (the narrator) in primary school because I was the most fluent reader and spoke very clearly and I guess they thought I could do it 'best'. From an outside perspective this is bonkers - a show full of 7 year olds is always going to be objectively rubbish and the parents are seeing it because it has their children in it, not because they expect it to rival the west end, so trying to control for quality seems misguided. But perhaps you lose that perspective slightly as the teacher?!

Stompythedinosaur · 16/12/2021 14:49

I think it is a mixture of factors - what the dc ask for combined with who is likely to memorise their lines and not panic at the last moment.

2anddone · 16/12/2021 14:55

@Crazycat53

At my daughter's previous school you could pretty much guarantee who would get the bigger roles. Every year it was the teachers children/relatives or governor's children. With the chair of governors child being star of the show. 🙄
This is exactly what happened the whole way through my dc primary years! I am on Governors and PTA and had to go in and ask for them to swap DD part every year to something smaller as she didn't really want to be involved but they kept giving her a big part Confused
cansu · 16/12/2021 14:59

Not all kids want to be the main part. Some kids cannot read aloud so that an audience would hear or understand them. It is a bit like saying let's pick the child who can't hit a ball to be in the final of the tennis. Yes children should all be encouraged to take part but expecting parts with lots of lines to be learnt and delivered to be done by children who don't have the skills is ridiculous.

RedskyThisNight · 16/12/2021 15:04

DC's infants made a point of giving each child a fairly equal role. No one had more than about 2 or 3 lines, and the less confident children were put in things like group dances.

DD ended up as Mary in the nativity because the confident children wanted a role with lines and the less confident children didn't want to be on stage so much.

Ladyface · 16/12/2021 15:05

In my DS’s school it’s the top-set kids that get all the parts. Confidence breeds confidence. I’m not looking forward to sitting through the end of year show of 2 1/2 hours of the top-set kids performing again while my DS sits behind a pillar.

zoemum2006 · 16/12/2021 15:13

I think school plays shouldn't have such a wide variety of lines for characters. Why should some kids have 40 lines to learn while others only have 2?

Surely it would be better for all children (who want to perform) to have a similar amount: 8-10 perhaps?

I think writers of school plays should accommodate this as standard.

Winterlude · 16/12/2021 15:13

I was also a bloody narrator in the school nativity. I have a lifelong fear of public speaking, and used to dread it every year. I wish I could have been an angel or something where you appear but don't have to speak!

gogohm · 16/12/2021 15:14

My dd often got lead parts at primary, she has a really good singing voice and could read music (plays instruments) from 5, also excellent memory. She's autistic but performing she comes alive and the teachers picked up on this - trust me she never got picked for sports! She's now a singer

RB68 · 16/12/2021 15:18

My daughter was a Shepherd EVERY SINGLE YEAR of her primary school life, it became a joke and when she left I sold all the outfits one after the other and had the local selling site in hysterics, yet another year x this time etc. She never had a word to say just walk on walk off, I am sure alot of her teachers would be suprised to learn she is currently studying to be a screen writer and director at the moment. They never bothered to truly get to know her and in my view missed out

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 16/12/2021 15:22

my DC's school always did Christmas plays where everyone who wanted a line got one, and no-one got more than three or four. the plays were terrible, but the parents and kids were happy, which IMO is what it's all about, at primary level at least.

Elodeastar · 16/12/2021 15:29

I hate to say this out loud, but I know most of my son's primary teachers did have favourites - no idea why tbh, but it made me kind of sad that they thought that was OK. Most of the teachers also blatantly liked the girls better than the boys, even the girls started to notice this as they got older!