Aibu to think American snobbery is worse than British?

[Londonlassie12]

I have a large extended family who grew up state side, New York & Connecticut subarbs. Their parents were irish immigrants who worked really hard to get them a very good education & all my cousins now have excellent jobs but are obsessed with having the kids in right school (Catholic), right house, right address etc... The kids have do the right (numerous) extracurriculars to apply for ivy league unis... We are very obviously viewed as the poor relations... Aibu to think that snobbery is worse & more obvious in America..

Based on one family?

Eh?

British snobbery is often institutional and invisible. For example when the so called ‘prestigious’ universities that own 90% of the land their campuses are based in don’t rent out to barbers / hairdressers who can do all types of hair.

I don’t know anyone who is as obsessed with class as Mumsnet which is primarily a British site

Its a very large extended family, 8 of my aunts & uncles immigrated during the 50s & 60s, married over in the States & had their families so I'm Basing this off my 20 plus cousins who now have their families!

So it sounds like it’s a “your family” issue tbh OP.

I'm American.
Many in my family struggled to finish high school but... My (step)nephew is a sophomore at Ivy League, it's been interesting to watch his journey. Many of my aunts/cousins have labeled nephew's mother a snob. I think step-sis would fit right in on MN, though.

Yeah, deffo, American snobs are a thing. Not sure if they are any worse or better than British snobs, though. Lady down the road (lives in a bog standard semi) said bluntly how she wouldn't dream of sending her sons to any local school. These people can only make you feel inferior if you agree with them, OP.

*90% of the cities

Americans are way more comfortable talking about money and jobs and other status symbols. It's not really perceived as snobby over there, more aspirational.

Thanks for the replies, it's just thinking out loud really... They all seem hyper competitive with each other also when it comes to the kids especially...

I don’t think you can base anything on one family. There is plenty of snobbery in both countries, just taking slightly different forms.

It sounds like they are a branch of the family who have worked hard, done well and it’s very important to them their kids keep doing well. It’s a point of view. If your bit of the family is lower down the social/financial scale then I can appreciate that’s annoying, but you can’t worry about what other people think of you.

@getsanta

Americans are way more comfortable talking about money and jobs and other status symbols. It's not really perceived as snobby over there, more aspirational.

I agree. Here, everything is perceived as "snobbery" and "pretentious" when it isn't.

I'm a Brit in the US Midwest. American snobbery is definitely a thing but it's very different. Here, it's quite materially focussed from my experience. It's about living in a certain neighborhood, having a house that looks a certain way, shiny new cars, a perfect lawn, huge TV, grill etc.

People who act in a way that Brits would look down aren't necessarily looked down on here if they have money. To give an example, there's a family in my (fairly upper income) neighborhood who fill their lawn with giant Disney Christmas inflatables that must cost thousands- people absolutely love it.

I do think there is some more British-style snobbery among the east coast WASPy types though.

I know very wealthy families in the US and the UK. Theres a lot of 'doing the right thing' for appearance on both sides tbh. Americans (culturally) just tend to be more overt about things compared to the British

Agree that it's probably just more overtly discussed.

There are class divisions in every country. They just play out differently.

There's an argument that the British middle class habit of insisting class doesn't exist while nonetheless doing all one can to secure one's place at the table is possibly more exclusionary.

There's an argument that the British middle class habit of insisting class doesn't exist while nonetheless doing all one can to secure one's place at the table is possibly more exclusionary.

I've heard this too, in different forms. I quite agree. Personally, I'd rather have the overt - atleast one knows where one stands and can make an informed decision to join or avoid - rather than the gaslighty, sneaky attitude and pretence we have here.

Yy exactly. You can't win the game if you don't know what the rules are.

I think that elite east coast New York / Connecticut snobbery is particularly brutal. It’s not just about money but getting accepted into the right country club, playing the right sports, going to the right Universities. Similar to British class markers but probably more so as America is more divided.

@getsanta

Americans are way more comfortable talking about money and jobs and other status symbols. It's not really perceived as snobby over there, more aspirational.

Not true for the upper echelons.

@Londonlassie12

I have a large extended family who grew up state side, New York & Connecticut subarbs. Their parents were irish immigrants who worked really hard to get them a very good education & all my cousins now have excellent jobs but are obsessed with having the kids in right school (Catholic), right house, right address etc... The kids have do the right (numerous) extracurriculars to apply for ivy league unis... We are very obviously viewed as the poor relations... Aibu to think that snobbery is worse & more obvious in America..

It is such a vast country (3 time zones!) with such a huge population (approx 300 million) people it is hard to put them in one box!

As with any country in the world there is a huge social difference between people with intergernerational wealth, and those newly arrived to wealth.

There are also those with a well connected and established blood line (back to the Mayflower for example) etc.

People who have both of those are at the very top. You would not even know their names.

If your family are of Irish Catholic decent then they are not part of it. Entry requirements are white, anglo saxon protestants. WASP. Catholics just don't cut it I'm afraid!

@MouseholeCat

I'm a Brit in the US Midwest. American snobbery is definitely a thing but it's very different. Here, it's quite materially focussed from my experience. It's about living in a certain neighborhood, having a house that looks a certain way, shiny new cars, a perfect lawn, huge TV, grill etc.

People who act in a way that Brits would look down aren't necessarily looked down on here if they have money. To give an example, there's a family in my (fairly upper income) neighborhood who fill their lawn with giant Disney Christmas inflatables that must cost thousands- people absolutely love it.

I do think there is some more British-style snobbery among the east coast WASPy types though.

Having money is not the same as having "class".

Here, it's quite materially focussed from my experience. It's about living in a certain neighborhood, having a house that looks a certain way, shiny new cars, a perfect lawn, huge TV, grill etc.

I really don't agree with this. American upper, upper class is quite discrete, you don't see their names in papers, the live on estates, ride, hunt etc.

You are taking about a different thing which is high earners not afraid to spend and to show it.

Different..

@ALightThatNeverGoesOut

Agree that it's probably just more overtly discussed.

There are class divisions in every country. They just play out differently.

There's an argument that the British middle class habit of insisting class doesn't exist while nonetheless doing all one can to secure one's place at the table is possibly more exclusionary.

Isn't it absurd to insist that a class system does not exist when you have a Queen?

Oh but they're trying 😊 My cousins would be very waspish/preppy in style, Ralph Lauren/Kate Spade understated make up etc... The teenage daughters would be similar, all very active in their country clubs & tennis clubs... The big houses & 4x4 are all part of the look... They are absolutely not upper echelons but are trying their best😁

@Londonlassie12
I mean "you" in the context of "one"! {grin}

@CanIPleaseHaveOne it's nonsense of course. It plays out in a lot of different ways, this notion that rich people are the same as poor people except they just happen to have more money. And all of the ways it plays out are bullshit.