Are your children allowed to whisper?

[MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry]

I was in a shop today and I heard a woman repeatedly say to two small girls (around 5/6) she was with “girls, are you allowed to whisper?” From what I could see of them they weren’t actually whispering- they were huddled close to each other, pointing at different toys and chittering and giggling. It seemed like such a strange rule to have. Surely there are times when whispering is appropriate? Like if you’re in the cinema and need to ask your friend to move so you can go to the toilet, or if your sibling is sleeping and you’re saying good night to your mum or whatever. Do you allow your children to whisper?

Depends if I thought they were conspiring against me.

They're 'allowed' but I would ask what they were whispering about as mine have a habit of coming up with diabolical schemes and pranks

My mother doesn't like whispering in children. Something to do with say it aloud. However, I quite like to see giggly little girls whispering.

I have the opposite problem with DSS the child has no idea what an indoor voice is.

@UnsolicitedDickPic

Depends if I thought they were conspiring against me.

See I’d let them crack on just to see how much genius they had inherited from me.

I would imagine this is something they’re doing at home and it’s becoming a bad habit so she’s trying to stop it. Don’t we all have random house rules that make no sense out of context but are perfectly sensible in your family?

@lilmishap

They're 'allowed' but I would ask what they were whispering about as mine have a habit of coming up with diabolical schemes and pranks

Oh you have to tell us about these schemes and pranks!

@AtomicBlondeRose

I would imagine this is something they’re doing at home and it’s becoming a bad habit so she’s trying to stop it. Don’t we all have random house rules that make no sense out of context but are perfectly sensible in your family?

This is true! DS1 (16) isn’t allowed to look at the dog.

I dislike it and stop whispering when I can. One it’s antisocial and two I have voice problems and a consultant told me whispering damages vocal chords.

I sometimes tell DS and his friends off for this if they are doing it in my company. Eg I’m busily serving up some dinner I’ve cooked for them and they’re whispering and giggling. I just think it’s really rude when I’m the only person in the room not included in the joke. Just wait till I’m out of the room to say whatever it is!

Other than that specific situation, I don’t have a problem with whispering per se.

I told DS1 not to whisper yesterday, first time ever. He was encouraging his brother to do something that he shouldn't be though, abd thought I wouldn't know

My DS apparently learned to whisper under a jet engine so I have no problem with his whispering!
I think, like you say, whispering is appropriate in certain situations and not in others.

I am now desperate to know why your DS is not allowed to look at the dog @MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry.

My two DDs (5 and 9) whisper and giggle together. I think it's unbelievably sweet and I'm grateful they're friends. I do draw the line at them hatching plans though.

They can whisper to each other, not to me. I hate that feeling of hot little kid breath right in my ear.

To be honest I wish mine would whisper a bit more. Top volume is more their style unfortunately - I had dd’s ears checked so much but then I just had to accept she is not hard of hearing, just very loud.

Well it is rude to whisper when doing so excludes others. However whispering can be appropriate and polite in other contexts, eg in the cinema/theatre/library, when someone is sleeping or listening to something.

Obviously in some situations it wouldn’t be appropriate though - say if there are three kids and two are whispering together and leaving the third out. Or if they’re whispering about a person and saying unkind things. But I would tell them off for being mean, not for whispering specifically.

I love little kids whispering, it’s always funny. 3yo DD knows to whisper if we’re somewhere she might disturb others so she leaned over to me in the middle of the pantomime last weekend to whisper “knick knack paddywhack” then dissolved with pure glee. (Emulating big girls across the aisle doing the huddled giggle whisper, it was great.)

I am now desperate to know why your DS is not allowed to look at the dog @MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry.

He gets her all hyped up. He can’t help himself and she gets all barky and wants to tug all his clothes but she gets so into it and doesn’t realise it hurts. I always have to intervene. I told him not to get her hyped up but apparently this was too vague an instruction for him. So I said “don’t go near her” so he would just talk to her in an excited way- same outcome. So now the rule is “just don’t even look at her” he even struggles with this

We weren’t allowed to whisper in company.

@Kanaloa

Obviously in some situations it wouldn’t be appropriate though - say if there are three kids and two are whispering together and leaving the third out. Or if they’re whispering about a person and saying unkind things. But I would tell them off for being mean, not for whispering specifically.

Yes I think it caught my attention because it sounds like a blanket rule “you’re not allowed to whisper” which doesn’t address the sort of behaviour you would want to be discouraging like being rude to a third person. What I saw today there was no one being excluded and really no whispering actually. The mum was 10 feet away browsing another section.

@hotmeatymilk

I love little kids whispering, it’s always funny. 3yo DD knows to whisper if we’re somewhere she might disturb others so she leaned over to me in the middle of the pantomime last weekend to whisper “knick knack paddywhack” then dissolved with pure glee. (Emulating big girls across the aisle doing the huddled giggle whisper, it was great.)

Mine used to whisper very loudly together when they were scheming together to convince me to take them to McDonald’s or get extra iPad time. It’s only quite recently that they can actually whisper properly. I miss overhearing their dastardly plots (which usually involved being extra good or doing a chore without complaining) I suspect I’m better off not hearing what they whisper about these days.

its quite an old fashioned rule that whispering in company is rude because it excludes people but i think there are times when its absolutely appropriate. I do remember when i was very small if my Mum was talking to the grownups and I wanted to tell her something privately, I had to ask "can I whisper" but it was more of a shared signal that I needed her for something important than a manners rule

Whispers at the table shall breakfast in the stable.

"Whispering in company is very bad manners" is a remembered saying from my childhood. I don't have a problem with my children whispering excitedly with their cousins, so long as all of them are included. However, my sisters-in-law, who are fine individually, have a tendency to whisper behind hands at family events and I do think this is very ill-mannered indeed. Someday I may even call out this behaviour, perhaps "I'm just going to make some phone calls in the next room so you two can have a private chat" and then abandon them for an hour while they pick their jaws back up from the floor.