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Original poster

If I bought your child a book from a charity shop...

58 replies

Turniptracker · 11/12/2021 07:34

...would you think I'm a cheapskate or not want it? I always prefer to buy second hand, especially books and I found some wonderful Christmas books for my friends' children. But now I'm worried they will think I'm a cheapskate because they are secondhand? I don't have children myself so I don't know if this would offend some people

OP posts:

reluctantbrit · 11/12/2021 09:10

Only if it is in a great condition or a book out of print.

DD got tons of charity shop books, I happily bought her those instead of magazines and in most cases she didn't mind if they were dog earned or worn. She even asked for one book second hand as it was out of print.

But as a gift I would only do it if the book is really in great condition.

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 11/12/2021 09:22

Agree with others that I would be very happy with it, but I think you have to consider your recipient. (I mean, I know that's what you're doing now ).

My SIL, for example, would take it as evidence that we no longer love or value them (similar to PP, but perhaps more DRAMATIC).

alrightfella · 11/12/2021 09:27

Honestly wouldn't bother me at all as long as they were clean. I reckon 90% of the books I bought my children were second hand. They are usually so cheap in charity shops.

avocadotofu · 11/12/2021 09:57

I'd think you were really environmentally conscious. I think it's a great idea!

asha456 · 11/12/2021 09:58

Being really honest, I would find it a little odd , especially for children's books. I happily buy second hand books for myself but adult books are often read once and passed on. I love to have friends pass good books on to me when they're finished with them, but a second hand book wrapped up as a gift I'd find strange.

In my experience, kids books that are any good are read over and over and aren't in any condition to be resold!

evilharpy · 11/12/2021 09:59

I would be very happy indeed to receive second hand books (most of ours are bought second and and usually donated back when we've finished with them), but as much as I'd like to give them as gifts I'm never brave enough as I worry how the recipient would react.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 11/12/2021 10:01

You have no idea where that book has been, covid house, insert germ or virus of choice here.
I'm fine getting my own books from a charity shop but would feel pretty pissed off to get this as a gift for my child especially as he's 40

I wouldn't be thrilled - no.

FabricedeSauveterre · 11/12/2021 10:04

My daughter got a very scruffy book with torn pages, creased front cover and scribbles in it for her birthday once from a classmate. I was a little put out. Both parents work and I think a couple of bits from the pound shop would have been fine, it smacked of can’t be arsed.

Original poster

Turniptracker · 11/12/2021 14:00

Great to hear both sides actually so thank you everyone for your thoughts. We don't usually do gifts but as we are meeting in person before Xmas I thought I'd gift each of the kids (max age 5) a little something just to open for a couple of pounds each so I think that will be ok . Like I say they can chuck it if they don't want it at least I gave money to charity rather than amazon

OP posts:

Kite22 · 11/12/2021 14:12

I am a great fan of second hand. I buy lots from charity shops (and fetes, car boots, etc, and facebook gifting or selling cheaply groups)
However that is when buying for myself, or for someone who I know shares my philosophy.
I don't think you'd get the same response from most of the population as you are getting so far on this thread.

My (adult) dd has got into jigsaws at the moment.
I have bought her 1/2 a dozen recently from a local indoor car boot and she was delighted. However, I wouldn't say "here's your Christmas present" after spending £2.50 on 5 jigsaws. That was just something extra I gave her.
So, I do think it depends on how you are doing this gifting........
a) see something you think they will like and just get it and give it to them - lovely
b) spend 50p on something that would normally cost £9.99. Give it them as a gift and keep the other £9.49. Seems tight.
c) Buy them 20 items for the money you would normally have spent on them and only got one if you were buying new. Sounds great.

d) (doesn't apply to you as you say you don't have dc, but) If you are a MiL, then whatever you do will be wrong according to so many MN posters.

xprincessxjanetx · 11/12/2021 15:27

Not at all, I would be delighted!

Shimmylikejoanholloway · 11/12/2021 15:29

My friend often sends me books for DS that she's picked up in charity shops - I love them! I think any gift is thoughtful and I love books, so I wouldn't think you were a cheapskate at all.
The only thing that would put me off would be if the book was dirty/damaged in any way.

Shimmylikejoanholloway · 11/12/2021 15:30

@Kite22 I disagree with you there. I don't think gifting is about the money spent. If you find something someone will love, you shouldn't feel like you need to 'top it up' to reach a certain amount.

GruffaloSolja · 11/12/2021 15:58

OP on Mumsnet second hand books are absolutely fine to give as presents. However, what you must absolutely never ever do is give someone a Hardis & Bayliss gift set or even worse give them the dreaded Thornton's chocolates for Christmas. This is a big Mumsnet no, no! It's pretty much seen as akin to gifting someone a shoe box full of dog poo.

Flakjacketon · 11/12/2021 16:14

I think increasingly it is acceptable to give 'preloved' and more 'ethical' gifts.
I have bought my DD, SIL and DGC used gifts with their blessing.

DoodleBelle · 11/12/2021 16:25

I am a bookworm but personally I wouldn’t like to give or receive a second hand gift for Christmas, it just doesn’t feel very special. Absolutely no issues buying second hand in day to day life though. I think it very much depends on the person.

Helenluvsrob · 11/12/2021 16:29

I’d love it.
My kids are grown up now but certainly from early teens father Xmas found stocking books at the charity shop.

They are all very green and if all their gifts were 2nd hand they’d be really pleased.

We always have a charity shop jigsaw or two with the spice of whether all the bits are there too😂

RandomUsernameHere · 11/12/2021 16:32

I'd think that was lovely! I try to buy second hand as much as possible as it's better for the environment.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/12/2021 16:40

If it was wrapped up and presented as a Christmas or birthday gift, I would find it eccentric tbh.

If you just handed it to me unwrapped and said "I saw this in Oxfam and thought DS would like it", I would find that very normal.

DS would be happy to read it either way but he would certainly notice that it was second hand. He gets second hand books any time he wants them, but new books as gifts from other people.

flamedancer · 11/12/2021 16:45

If it was in good condition I'd be very grateful

Rainartist · 11/12/2021 19:12

I think only you know how the gift would be received by the person. Some people I know would not care others would be offended.

So with books as a pp said, the author won't benefit from the sale even though the charity will. That's not quite in the same situation as saying you aren't contributing to global companies like Amazon.

I love buying second hand books for me, DH and DC, but wouldn't consider them as a gift unless immaculate and look like new or they were a special no longer obtainable one I knew the person wanted.

slashlover · 11/12/2021 19:32

How would they even know? I work in a charity shop and most the books we put out are perfect, especially the kids books.

hiredandsqueak · 11/12/2021 19:50

I've bought seonhand books for my children and grandchild this Christmas so wouldn't give it a second thought tbh.

Bbub · 11/12/2021 20:36

I think it's only OK if you know the person likes to buy 2nd hand things thenselves, or is on that eco drive themselves. Otherwise it could be really badly received.

Depends on the demographic as well, I know in some what I will call middle class hippy areas near me (even just 5 mins down the road) it would probably be much more normal than the side I live in which is a bit more working to middle class. There are different values to consider, but I'm not sure how well I've worded that.

Kite22 · 11/12/2021 21:28

If it was wrapped up and presented as a Christmas or birthday gift, I would find it eccentric tbh.

If you just handed it to me unwrapped and said "I saw this in Oxfam and thought DS would like it", I would find that very normal.

This ^

I bought my (adult) ds a 2nd hand book last year, as he had lost a favourite childhood book, and kept mentioning it. I found it on line and bought it for him. That was something that was nice as I had specially sought out something he wanted. He was really chuffed.
However, much as he is happy to buy 2nd hand himself, and happy to be given odds and ends I pick up second had as we go through the year, I still feel that is quite different from a deliberate decision to go to a 2nd hand shop for a present.

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