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Original poster

Do you message your work pal if they are off?

36 replies

loveablequalities · 08/12/2021 21:25

I've been off work for a few weeks with covid and now a post viral chest infection. Been quite poorly, dealing with poorly dh and poorly kids etc. Really upsetting and stressful as the boss has been a bit difficult to deal with, loads of things to do at this time of year and so on. Absolutely no one in my department has messaged to ask me how I am or what have you. It's like I've dropped off the face of the earth. I'm a bit taken aback. We've all got each other's numbers. Usually message every so often. One lass in particular would usually text every other day. Not a peep. I messaged her to say to please throw away my yoghurt from the fridge and she just said "aye, will do."

Am I just being precious? Would you message your work pal if they were off?

OP posts:
DollyPartBaked · 08/12/2021 21:27

Only a good friend tbh

Yogaandcocoa · 08/12/2021 21:28

Maybe she thinks you're busy being ill

Did you say anything else in your message about the yogurt?

Could she have other things going on too?

Yogaandcocoa · 08/12/2021 21:29

But yes I'd message if they were a friend or someone I exchanged messages with regularly

Pleasedonteliminate · 08/12/2021 21:31

Yes if it was someone I spoke to often and didn't supervise- we aren't allowed to message people we supervise when they are off encase it puts pressure on them...

Dailywalk · 08/12/2021 21:33

Yea I would. I don’t think people do though. It’s just being nice. Some people aren’t being unkind just a bit thoughtless. Your colleague was a bit off with her reply but there you go. Some people are like that. You could text her back and tell her ‘Ive felt pretty rough but improving now and hope to be back soon thanks for asking’ but I wouldn’t bother unless you want to wind her up.

Hope you are feeling better soon!

ThePontiacBandit · 08/12/2021 21:33

I’ve been off for months. The only person who has been in touch is the one who took the original call. When someone else went off with the same thing, they did a collection and send a gift and card. Nothing for me Hmm
I do think some people don’t want to “bother” people who are off sick and so don’t message. It’s a tricky one.

Returnoftheowl · 08/12/2021 21:34

Depends... If they are a friend-friend or a work-friend.
Also depending on what they were I'll with/whether I thought they would appreciate contact.

I've also seen threats on here complaining that they are off sick but getting messages off workmates which they think is invasive.

I can understand why it's upsetting but it seems to be whatever happens someone will be upset.

Beachbabe1 · 08/12/2021 21:34

That's really sad. I would message my work friend if they were off ill. And likewise I would hope my work pal messaged me if I was ill. Especially as you've been off for a while with covid. Hope you feel better soon. Makes you realise who your friends are though ay!

BigRedDuck · 08/12/2021 21:35

I would message someone if I considered them a personal mate (and have done, and have received messages in same circumstances) however in most places I have worked in it is deemed inappropriate to contact colleagues who are off so they don't feel under pressure to return to work. I've known of staff to recieve a disciplinary for contacting colleagues while they were off sick. Maybe they've been told to not contact you?

I hope you feel better soon Flowers

TheChosenTwo · 08/12/2021 21:38

If it was a friend that I messaged about things other than work usually (so someone I’d consider a friend rather than a colleague) then yes, I’d message if I knew they were off.
Chances are they’d have messaged me anyway letting me know they weren’t in.
If it’s someone that’s been signed off sick we have a policy about not contacting them. Again, I would if it was a proper friend.
Flowers Hope you feel better soon op

BigRedDuck · 08/12/2021 21:38

I guess you never know, some of your colleagues may also be off sick with covid/for other reasons.
I do think it can depend on industry you work in, I work with vulnerable adults which is incredibly stressful, especially with added covid, time of year etc etc - most of my colleagues are exhausted at the moment and have dropped off the face of the earth purely because they want to sleep when not working!

CourtRand · 08/12/2021 21:38

Yeah but we all have a WhatsApp

CourtRand · 08/12/2021 21:39

But tbh if you were ill I'd probs leave you alone so you can get better and so I don't stress you out about work

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 08/12/2021 22:00

I have work friends that I see socially and message on text/WhatsApp - I would definitely message them. I wouldn’t message someone that I only had work contact info for though.

Linguini · 08/12/2021 22:03

I wouldn't, no.
Even if they were a good work friend, their home is a different "sphere" so wouldn't think I were included in that.

ImInStealthMode · 08/12/2021 22:09

Only the two colleagues that I message / socialise with regularly anyway. Wouldn't occur to me to message anyone else.

Bokky · 08/12/2021 22:10

I think it depends. My close colleague was off recently for 4 weeks. I messaged him a couple of times but tended to leave him alone so he could recover and not be reminded about work every time I text.

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 08/12/2021 22:13

I have friends I met at work, some of whom I no longer work with but are still friends, some I still work with but socialise with know their partners, children etc. I'd message them but it's probably only about ten percent of my colleagues. Others I would because I line manage a big team and I have to keep in touch when they are off sick, I genuinely care about their welfare but my contact is because it's my job, I don't know them personally enough otherwise.

AChickenCalledDaal · 08/12/2021 22:17

No, because I'd assume they don't want to think about work and I maintain pretty clear boundaries between colleagues and friends. In a few cases, where we get on really well, I'd maybe send just one to say "get well and don't think about work" and then leave them alone.

EatSleepRantRepeat · 08/12/2021 22:19

Where I work, we're usually not allowed to know why a colleague is off and we're also asked not to bother the person if they're off unexpectedly. It's part of an attempt to ensure the person doesn't feel pressured to come back too soon, but it can be a lonely experience IME. A lady left recently after months off sick and I found out by chance - if we had been told officially we would have organised a card and gift, it's horrible not knowing if they're OK and that they may think we don't care.

Triyo · 08/12/2021 22:25

For a work colleague even one I talked to fairly regularly, I wouldn't unless they messages me with the normal chit chat first to show they were open to being messaged type thing.

Crinkle77 · 08/12/2021 22:26

Yep I've messaged work mates who are off sick with covid.

Nevertime · 08/12/2021 22:30

I'm off sick atm (for about a month). My boss has been round with flowers and choccy today but I haven't heard from anyone else beyond "let us know if you need anything" at the start.

I don't often contact anyone who's off either. I think let them forget about work while they're ill. I do keep work and social separate though. I get on with my colleagues, but I rarely have one transition into a friend outside of work.

BettyfromBristol · 08/12/2021 22:52

I'm part of a loose team of freelancers who all do some work for the same organisation. One has had Covid, we designated someone to be in touch so she didn't get overwhelmed but knew that any news would be passed on. One person who lives near her dropped off some shopping and treats. Another had a family crisis and we all messaged to offer support. I think we just care about each other.

Grumpyosaurus · 08/12/2021 22:55

Yes, did just recently. Colleague, rather than a friend, but she lives close to me and is on her own. It turned out that she needed a hand, and I was happy to help.

I'd want someone to do the same for me, so I'm quite happy to take the risk of looking a bit pushy.