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Original poster

Non drinkers. Does it impact your social life?

32 replies

MeltedWax · 05/12/2021 10:43

First group night out in 2 years, new friends plus partners that I don't know very well and I struggled.

Not because I wanted to drink (I've never really been a drinker), but as the night went on I felt increasingly out of place.

Also got a comment of "It's meant to be a night out." From a drunk husband and just felt like shit.

I'm not sure what I'm asking really.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 05/12/2021 10:46

I don't drink and I definitely think it changes people's perception of me. Theres an automatic assumption that you're boring and not one of the group and don't fit in. Unfortunately alcohol is just such a huge obsession in this country

FindingMeno · 05/12/2021 10:51

If its not fun without booze it isn't fun, I'd my thought.
Perhaps seek different social occasions?

KatyN · 05/12/2021 10:56

No. It helps that I am now under doctor’s orders to not drink (it used to just be a preference) and I am of course a ridiculous amount of fun sober!

It takes a while for people to get their head around the idea. Several events of seeing you sober but fun.

Also then something else changes the dynamic and you’re non-drinking becomes old news.

BarefootHippieChick · 05/12/2021 11:00

I find the drinking culture absurd in this country, and I do drink! I have a friend who doesn't drink at all and she has more fun than the rest of us on a night out. But then we don't go out to get trashed anyway, just have a few drinks and enjoy the evening.

Original poster
MeltedWax · 05/12/2021 11:00

@FindingMeno

If its not fun without booze it isn't fun, I'd my thought. Perhaps seek different social occasions?
Difficulty is, it wasn't a drinking session as such, just a restaurant with a singer.

My normal social group aren't massive drinkers at all, so I haven't been in this situation for a while. I think my non-drinking made them feel uncomfortable, which then made me feel uncomfortable and go into my shell.

My head is full of anxious thoughts about what they think of me, which I know is my issue.

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 05/12/2021 11:00

I find it fine, I hardly drink but always have fun nights out with my drinking friends.

Original poster
MeltedWax · 05/12/2021 11:03

Several events of seeing you sober but fun.

I usually am, I hope Blush, but last night was a struggle. I guess they're just not my people.

OP posts:
Paranoidandroidmarvin · 05/12/2021 11:03

I don’t drink. Only ever had one person ask why not. And they soon closed their mouth when I told them it was for a medical thing. Not sure why they thought they should have an opinion anyway to be honest.
Doctor never believes me though.

ComeAllYeFaithful · 05/12/2021 11:04

I don’t drink and people just can’t get their heads around it.

Original poster
MeltedWax · 05/12/2021 11:06

@ComeAllYeFaithful

I don’t drink and people just can’t get their heads around it.
Yes, I felt like an alien!
OP posts:
Cubitalfossa · 05/12/2021 11:07

In my experience as a non-drinker, those who struggle to not drink themselves are the most likely to comment. In my experience people drink to a certain point and it's great fun, but once they tip over into properly drunk they're mostly just talking to themselves and not realising it. It's not really that much fun.

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2021 11:08

It depends, I have two friends/acquaintances who don’t drink. The first a guy, honestly you’d never know it, he’s the life and soul, last one standing and doesn’t give a shit if others are drunk, he joins in and has a proper laugh.

The other a woman, and she is really quite quiet, no conversation, a bit judgey about what others consume, goes to bed early, so quite awkward to have her there.

So for me, it’s not about whether you drink or not, it’s about your behaviour round people who are. If you’re joining in and having a laugh, don’t care what others drink, no one cares, if you’re sitting there silently watching and judging how much others drink, then people don’t really want you there.

So it’s about your behaviour not about whether you drink or not.

Fitbachick · 05/12/2021 11:17

Yes i think it does as now find i sometimes dont get invited to events because i dont drink.

thegcatsmother · 05/12/2021 11:21

I can't drink much due to medical reasons, so I drive. I find just saying I volunteered to drive closes off any comments or questions.

Livebythecoast · 05/12/2021 11:24

@Comedycook

I don't drink and I definitely think it changes people's perception of me. Theres an automatic assumption that you're boring and not one of the group and don't fit in. Unfortunately alcohol is just such a huge obsession in this country
This. Went out recently with work. I was driving but even if I wasn't, I'm not a drinker. I still enjoyed the meal, joined in conversation etc but left after a few hours leaving them to it. Got a few 'you're leaving early ' comments as they were going on somewhere after the meal. At least I wasn't hungover the next day and I still enjoyed my time there.
Original poster
MeltedWax · 05/12/2021 11:28

So it’s about your behaviour not about whether you drink or not.

But I can't. I can't match a loud, drunk personality. I just want to do what I want and be myself tbh. I definitely wasn't judging anyone either, they were judging me Confused

OP posts:
Allsorts1 · 05/12/2021 11:32

Drinking some sort of fermented brew to lower inhibitions exists in all cultures and it’s usually a way to build trust and bonds with each other, so from this perspective if you’re out and everyone is drinking but you, you are literally not participating in the trust building/bonding aspect. I prefer to meet my non drinking friends for a coffee and a walk or something as I do find it awkward to even have one glass of wine and someone else isn’t having any, as I feel like my inhibitions are lowered but theirs aren’t at all and I feel vulnerable so I won’t drink either. I don’t get that many nights out so it’s annoying if a fully sober night is sprung on me without warning.

ShowOfHands · 05/12/2021 11:43

I don't drink and never have. My friends are utterly fine with it but I have over the years had experience of drinkers who simply can't cope with you not drinking. It's usually their problem and says something about their own relationship with alcohol. They will nag or moan and on rare occasions, spike your drink.

There is a weird societal aspect to drinking here as well. All this focus on it is a bit odd. Like women on here who can't say no to a drink in early pregnancy because people will know so have to have an elaborate excuse ready, the assumption being that if alcohol is available and you're of age, you can't ever simply not fancy it. It's so bound up in the expectation of a good time and so often it's the road to the opposite.

Hen2018 · 05/12/2021 12:33

I’ve been teetotal for 23 years.

The attitude of a lot of people in this country towards alcohol is pathetic.

Whaleandsnail6 · 05/12/2021 12:34

I think it's hard if it's a night out to bars/clubs unless you are with people who have a similar alcohol attitude to you.

I don't drink a lot, I like to have a few but not get blind drunk, which most people I socialise with are also like.

I remember going out for a friend's birthday with some of her friends (who I didn't know) who took great offence that I turned down shots. I was dancing and having fun but they said its not a good night unless everyone is blind drunk,which just isn't me. In the end, one of the women poured a vodka shot into my lager, thinking I wouldn't notice. I went home after that and would never go out with a group like that again. If I was invited on a clubbing type night out and I didn't know most people there I wouldn't go now.

onlychildhamster · 05/12/2021 12:52

I do drink but never more than one glass of cider/Pimm's a few times a year. I can get drunk from that so most of the time, I don't drink. I do drink at an office party and nurse a beer for the whole night.

I do find it difficult as people can't accept that you just want 1 drink, thank you very much.

BiscuitLover3679 · 05/12/2021 12:57

That's a shame. Honestly, I've got to the age now where people like that I just don't bother with. Sorry op!

BiscuitLover3679 · 05/12/2021 12:57

As in people who don't understand not drinking

BiscuitLover3679 · 05/12/2021 12:59

@Allsorts1

Drinking some sort of fermented brew to lower inhibitions exists in all cultures and it’s usually a way to build trust and bonds with each other, so from this perspective if you’re out and everyone is drinking but you, you are literally not participating in the trust building/bonding aspect. I prefer to meet my non drinking friends for a coffee and a walk or something as I do find it awkward to even have one glass of wine and someone else isn’t having any, as I feel like my inhibitions are lowered but theirs aren’t at all and I feel vulnerable so I won’t drink either. I don’t get that many nights out so it’s annoying if a fully sober night is sprung on me without warning.
Hmm so you can't meet a friend in the evening without alcohol? Can't you just agree not to drink with your non drinking friend?
Inextremis · 05/12/2021 13:02

@Allsorts1 has managed to put into words what I've been struggling to articulate for years :) - drinking is a bonding ritual and that's why non-drinkers sometimes struggle to fit in. I used to be a big drinker, now I rarely drink - but then I rarely go to places where it's the norm, either. I don't judge other non-drinkers, or think badly of them, but it's now a bit clearer to me why a non-drinker can make drinkers feel a little uncomfortable.