Non drinkers. Does it impact your social life?

[MeltedWax]

First group night out in 2 years, new friends plus partners that I don't know very well and I struggled.

Not because I wanted to drink (I've never really been a drinker), but as the night went on I felt increasingly out of place.

Also got a comment of "It's meant to be a night out." From a drunk husband and just felt like shit.

I'm not sure what I'm asking really.

@BiscuitLover3679 I can obviously do this but my point is that if it’s say, a Friday night and we are going to a nice Italian restaurant - I would expect to be able to share a bottle of wine with the person I’m with, lower our inhibitions and share stories about our life. If the person I’m with doesn’t drink at all, I don’t want to drink when they’re not - but the red wine is a massive part of the pleasure of an evening in an Italian restaurant with me. So I would rather not have this dining experience with a friend who doesn’t drink. I’d rather do something else with them where I wouldn’t usually drink, eg go to a gym class together and get lunch after.

And in group settings, when everyone is drinking together - it is bonding. It’s silly/offensive for non drinkers to write off “alcohol” as this pointless waste of time - humans have been drinking for this reason for longer than civilisation has been around - so yes if you’re not drinking when everyone else is, you are likely to feel a bit left out, because you are.

That doesn’t mean you have to drink! But unless you’re amazingly extroverted and can pull it off, you’re likely to feel a bit of a disconnect from a drinking group. Doesn’t mean anyone is in the wrong for either drinking or not drinking 🤷🏼‍♀️

@ComeAllYeFaithful

I don’t drink and people just can’t get their heads around it.

^^ This! Ive had people virtually force a glass of wine into my hand despite refusing one, tell me its fine to drive having had 1 glass of wine and it's been implied or even stated that Im going to be "boring" if I dont drink. I dont particularly like alcohol and as I rarely drink one glass and `I can barely stand and get very sleepy on one small glass of wine so quickly become very boring indeed. Also in my long and extensive experience of not drinking at dinner parties etc I find that as those who do drink get progressively more pissed the more boring and tedious they become.

I think it depends what you're doing. Going out for drinks isn't fun when you don't drink. But a meal, concert, play, movie etc can all be done without a drink.

I definitely don't drink as much as I used to and as I've gotten older and drunk less, I have started becoming much more aware of the people who can't do anything without a drink. Including BIL who couldn't even go to the cinema with his kids without a four pack of Fosters.

Drinking some sort of fermented brew to lower inhibitions exists in all cultures and it’s usually a way to build trust and bonds with each other, so from this perspective if you’re out and everyone is drinking but you, you are literally not participating in the trust building/bonding aspect.

I have not found this to be the case at all in my culture. I live in the Southern US. I have never experienced a sense that I was leaving people out or that I was left out because of not drinking. I almost always have non-alcoholic drinks and so do many others in a group setting. People can drink or not; no one gives a hoot. There are a lot of reasons people might choose not to drink: designated driver, religion (I'm in the Bible Belt), alcohol issues in the family, recovering alcoholic, or in my case, just not liking the taste or the effect of alcohol.

Also where I live and among my social and work sets of friends, getting drunk is not really socially acceptable; it's fine to be a bit "merry, " but being obviously inebriated in a group is generally considered to be somewhat anti-social.

I’m life long disabled. I drink occasionally, probably once every six weeks or so, as I need to be careful. I’ve also had several periods where I couldn’t touch a drop.

I think it very much comes down to who you’re with. And if people get irritated or annoyed by you not drinking are they really worth spending time with?

I don't drink now because we're not in the City and more, so I have to drive. I still have a nice time without the booze if its a nice setting like a good restaurant. I've done my fair share of sticky-carpeted pubs though, which are grim when sober, and it's a bit wearing when everyone in the group but you is hammered. I'd still rather do it than wait hours in the cold for a cab though!

@SenecaFallsRedux I think if you are a group with other people not drinking then yes you’re not going to feel left out as the activity is different to what OP described, which was a night designed for drinking and she was the only one not drinking.

I do agree that the UK and commonwealth countries definitely drink more as a culture than the US though.

And for what it’s worth, I’m not advocating that people must get drunk together or even drink at all! I’m aware there are many valid reasons to not drink and I fully support those. .