Cancer. Anyone have a hand to hold?

[Dammitthisisshit]

Fuckity fuck.
I’m just waiting for the tests and trying to come to terms with the unthinkable.
It’s not an ‘if’ it’s a ‘how far has it spread’.
I have young children.

OP I have 3 relatives who had cancer in the last 2 years and 1 friend. They all got through it. My mil had stage 3 cancer and got given the all clear. I know it’s hard but try not to focus on the worst outcome. There’s every chance you will get through this. Had investigations recently for a mass and it was a really worrying time. My GP prescribed me sleeping tablets which I didn’t use in the end but for nights where I felt really worried I found the over the counter sleeping tablets really helped.

Just saw your post about it looking like bowel cancer. We’ve got a friend whose husband was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer a couple of years ago. He’s still here and going strong.

I’m so sorry OP. Here to offer another hand 👐

Hand hold here too. My other hand is passing you a cheeky brew.

Wishing you strength for what is to come.

I certainly let wouldn’t recommend following bowelbabe. She’s all about making money that she doesn’t need. I don’t think she’s particularly helpful for anyone with cancer and I say that as a woman who has been there.

Jesus, that's a bit harsh.

I know she isn't everyone's cup of tea, but she has been through absolute hell in the last 5 years that no amount of money can make up for.

OP I am so sorry you are going through this. The waiting to find out exactly what you are dealing with is absolute torture.

Oh, OP.

First of all I'm sending you a huge hug and a hand hold.
I have been there, it's still very raw and in many ways I'm still going through it. But this post is about you.

I used to block my ears when people gave me advice. And please don't feel like you need to listen to me, a stranger on the internet. But here are a few gentle things that helped me.

• you don't need to take advice from anybody.
• google is your enemy. Don't google symptoms and prognosis / diagnosis. Every person is different. Every cancer is different and your mind automatically escapes to 'worst case,' it's natural and normal, but it doesn't mean that's what's going to be.
• you don't owe anybody anything. Sometimes it's easier when people ask questions to send a blanket message to everybody who you want to tell. Job done.
• it's okay to cry. Crying is such a normal emotion, don't lock yourself away to cry. Cry, scream, shout. The world will feel like an incredibly unfair place for you at the moment. That's okay.
• the test results wait is the worst but. It won't be this way for long, and before you know it, you'll have a plan and an idea of what's going on.
• speak to your DH. Sending a handhold to him and your DC too.
• please please be kind to yourself. Don't try and shut away any emotions you feel. They're real and they're valid.
• you don't owe anybody anything.

You are stronger and more resilient than you know. It's a tough journey, surround yourself with the people you need. Distance yourself from the people you don't.

Once you get the results back and you know what you're dealing with, I promise it will feel better. Don't ever be afraid to ask too many questions to the medical team. They are there for YOU and to help YOU!

Sending so much love. You're stronger than you know. You will find strength and determination from the cracks and crevices of yourself you never knew you had.

Remember. This will only be a chapter in your life. Not the whole story.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's the little voice in your head that will say 'no worries, we'll try again tomorrow.'
You've got this, one day at a time. ❤️

How utterly shit OP. Sending you luck & healing - hope to see a positive update on here shortly

Sending love. This is just awful. And it says a lot about you that even while you're waiting for the news you're thinking about the impact on others. Hoping for the most positive outcome possible

Stage 4 bowel cancer over here. Hope you won’t be joining my club but I’m here if you are. Diagnosed earlier in the year & now on maintenance treatment. Stage 4 doesn’t mean it’s the end. Feel free to pm me. I’m also on the cancer support thread from time to time. It is hugely shit though- I agree.

Hi all,

I have my diagnosis. It’s a stage 4 high grade B cell lymphoma.
Turns out the lump in my bowel was lymphoma not bowel cancer. Unfortunately it’s in a lot of other areas too.

I’ll be heading to the cancer support thread now but wanted to say thanks to everyone for the support. I’m scared.

@Dammitthisisshit I'm so sorry to hear this you poor thing. You must be overwhelmed with worry.

Just an anecdote but worth sharing I hope...My cousin has also been diagnosed with exactly this and has been told it's treatable. He's had 4 rounds of chemo and is now in remission.

Please look after yourself and be very very careful re Covid. Plastic gloves, mask, distance.

Am sending you a tight hug and will be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.

Sending love and good wishes to you.

Hi OP.
Still holding your hand here, Hope you hear what the next steps are soon. Take good care of yourself.

@Babymamaroon that great news for your cousin. Full remission? Or partial.
They are going for curative treatment with me, not palliative. It’s the fact it’s spread so much that’s like a sledgehammer every appointment and makes me doubt my chances. Every appointment confirms a new area. I’m not sure what the likely cure rate is as they won’t discuss/disclose…. They’ve just said they’re aiming for a cure (emphasis on aim) and will treat accordingly.

@RainbowToes Chemo starts next week. Am hoping it’s early in the week - I will be having Christmas with my girls and watch them open their presents even if I can’t face eating!

@Dammitthisisshit will be thinking of you next week. Still holding your hand

Hi @Dammitthisisshit, I'm living with lymphoma, although low-grade, diagnosed when I had very small children. There is a good Facebook group called UK Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma Support Group which is a very supportive place with a lot of practical advice. I do sometimes unfollow if it becomes overwhelming on my feed by have also at times asked advice and always had helpful input. There are a lot of positive stories recounted too.

@Aestas I have joined the group - Thankyou

All I am now in hospital awaiting my first chemo session tomorrow. Thanks for the hands. Sorry if I’m making them a bit numb.

Good luck with the treatment, I hope your first chemo went well. Be prepared to feel wrung out, sick, exhausted etc, and do make sure you ring if you feel poorly. Also get in touch with Macmillan, they are very helpful.. I'm supporting a friend with cancer - she has no relatives to help. Hers too is being treated curatively, and she's just finished all the chemo and radiotherapy - feels totally blasted and exhausted but luckily didn't loose her hair. She followed every instruction to the letter, and has been told that early indications from the radiotherapy scans look very positive, but until she's been re-scanned in January we won't know for sure. But the consultant is vey positive that provided her cancer behaves in the right way that indeed it can be cured by the treatment she has been given.

Late to this OP but I hope your first treatment is done and you don’t feel too awful

Sorry to hear this OP - from my limited understanding though, I believe there's often a lot of reason to be hopeful with lymphoma. Forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, not that it'll make chemo any easier. Hope you have the opportunity to talk through your feelings IRL and also have some time where you're just in the moment and enjoying Christmas with your girls (

@Dammitthisisshit massive, massive handhold for you.

Best of luck with the chemo and I hope your girls have a great Christmas.

Stay strong, lady. You're doing great.

How's things going OP?

@Newnamefor2021 thanks for the check in.
I had my chemo, was out for Christmas and had a lovely Christmas Day - even ate a big plate of delicious Christmas dinner :-) the children were delighted as I accidentally ordered them more presents in the confused run up to Christmas as I kept forgetting what I had and hadn’t done! Luckily money is OK right now so they got to keep them and we discussed how Santa must have been more generous this year as he wanted to be kind to us as a family.

Then… I crumbled a bit. I think I was focussed on getting home and having a Christmas Day…but then what happens? It’s hard dealing with everyone else’s emotions. Everyone around me is stressed which is understandable but not very relaxing.
I don’t cope well with anyone in ‘my’ space and I’m struggling to get out (too tiring to stand or walk much, too wet to sit outside, too Covid ridden to go to a cafe!). My in house escape is a bath and I’m too scared to do that because of my PICC line. Also I’ve caught a cold which is ridiculous as I’ve been nowhere.

So I’m just trying to pick myself up. I coped with the chemo OK which is good. So far I’ve escaped possible severe side effects - a perforated bowel was a risk but so far so good on that front. The nausea is draining but once I force in breakfast I actually get hungry throughout the day so I’m eating well. The anti nausea tablets work well and stop me actually being sick. The headaches are something else but I just have to go with it. Hoping they reduce.

Next stage is a consultant call when I hope they should have my full biopsy results so I know if each round of chemo will be the same or if they will tailor it. Also I want to clarify if I have both high and low grade lymphoma or ‘only’ high. As it affects overall outcomes and I want to prepare mentally.

I can’t make a plan for childcare etc during my treatment yet. Damn Covid is making that really hard as it’s so rife everywhere and it would be good if I can avoid getting it. But we can’t avoid it if the children are in school. It’s just another layer of confusion.

Hope everyone still following this had the Christmases you wanted. :-)

Just seen your post.
I’m pleased you all had a nice Christmas Day and also that your doctors are trying to cure you. Treatments are way ahead of where they were just a few years ago.
I’m sure the lost-Christmas lull will be hard.
Lots of MNers will be more than willing I to hold your hand through this, many of whom have been in similar situations. Keep posting if it helps. Hope the next chemo session comes and goes without a hitch

Just seen all your posts, @Dammitthisisshit , & wanted to send from a fellow (former) stage 4 lymphoma patient.

Hopefully they'll whack the fucker right out of you xx