Page 2 | Cancer. Anyone have a hand to hold?

Dammitthisisshit · 2021-12-04T06:32:57+00:00

Fuckity fuck. I’m just waiting for the tests and trying to come to terms with the unthinkable. It’s not an ‘if’ it’s a ‘how far has it spread’. I have young children.

iamnotanalcoholic70 · 04/12/2021 08:35

And a handhold from me.
I'm a radiologist so if you have any questions about biopsies or scans, then ask away!
As others have said, now is the most tricky time. Once you have a management plan you have something to focus on.

MinnieMountain · 04/12/2021 10:18

A handhold from me. It’s shit and particularly scary before you know what’s going on.

The cancer support thread is in General Health. Obviously post wherever you want but I found posting there really helpful as it’s purely for people going through tests and treatment.

See if your hospital has any books to explain it to children. Yours sound old enough to be aware to some degree. Mine was 5 and the book “Mummy’s Lump” helped us explain.

Newnamefor2021 · 04/12/2021 10:23

So sorry OP. Hand hold.

Aliveandkicking23 · 04/12/2021 10:26

12 months ago on Monday I was diagnosed with cancer.
I am now cancer free.

Timeforabiscuit · 04/12/2021 10:30

A hand hold from me, this part is very tough and as others have said once treatment starts you get swept up with the process.

We found the Ruth Strauss foundation invaluable for how to tell children and family support.

QuestionOf · 04/12/2021 10:34

I’m sorry you are in this situation. I had a very close relative go through this recently and I found the cancer research website really helpful, their chat page was quite reassuring for me. There can be positive stories. In our case it was a big tumour that was found, but the operation was a success and a small amount of chemo was needed but it wasn’t an aggressive chemo and 16 weeks later (of hell) and they have been given the all clear 🤞 for you too.

Original poster

Dammitthisisshit · 04/12/2021 11:40

Thanks all. I managed to get a bit of sleep but read all your messages when I woke up and they made me cry (in a good way). Full pelt on daytime stuff now - am sending DH out to buy corn so can make popcorn and have a film with the girls later.

OP posts:

Babymamaroon · 04/12/2021 12:11

Sending you another handhold too ❤️

Cric · 04/12/2021 12:40

Enjoy the popcorn and the film!

valadon68 · 04/12/2021 12:44

Ah popcorn, very good for the gut! What's on offer filmwise?

Sorry to hear you're going through this OP. Very best of luck for the results

SouthernFashionista · 04/12/2021 12:52

@LefttoherownDevizes

OP, here with an extra hand (you're surely an octopus with ask these hands!?).

If you don't already I strongly recommend following how to glitter a turn and bowel babe on Instagram, both amazing women well outliving their terminal diagnoses and doing amazing advocacy with for others living with cancer

I certainly let wouldn’t recommend following bowelbabe. She’s all about making money that she doesn’t need. I don’t think she’s particularly helpful for anyone with cancer and I say that as a woman who has been there.

OP, I am so sorry. My own DD was just six when I was diagnosed. I’m not long finished treatment. It was tough but I got through it. To echo a previous poster, that time waiting to hear just how bad it was was the worst time of my life. I was climbing the walls. Sending love and strength.

starrynight21 · 04/12/2021 12:59

I've also had cancer - mine was ovarian. Had surgery and chemo and I'm still here. Sending you a hand hold - I know just how you feel, wanting to be there for your children. As a mother, that's where our thoughts go first.

I do hope you get some answers soon. It's the waiting that's the worst. When you know, you can deal with it.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 04/12/2021 13:00

Have a hand hold from me.

Like the others say the hardest part for me was waiting on the scan results to get graded. You imagine all sorts.

Once you know, you can start to process it better.

I was diagnosed March 2020. Since then I've had 2 clear MRI's after radio and chemo.

Echobeachsomeday · 04/12/2021 13:00

I'm very sorry op , hand hold here x

TheMadGardener · 04/12/2021 13:21

I'm so sorry OP, please have another hand to hold. It's true that the time between finding out and knowing the true picture is very hard.
I'm probably not the most comforting person as my DH was diagnosed in Feb 2017 with stage 4 bowel cancer when our DDs were 12 and 10. He died in May 2019 and I hate cancer now with a passion. I can't watch cancer charity adverts on TV or anything. My amazing DDs are 17 and 15 now and we have an okay life together but it's so bloody unfair.

I have a lovely friend who was diagnosed with bone cancer in her leg 20 years ago and she is still here now enjoying her life and her family. I really wish you all the best in beating this OP and you will have the love of your DH and DDs all the way. ❤

Original poster

Dammitthisisshit · 05/12/2021 08:58

Thanks all. It’s looking like bowel cancer that’s spread, awaiting bowel biopsy- but they’ve found a tumour so it looks like thats where it started. So it truly is rubbish. Theyre running TB tests which means there’s something in my lungs they’re not sure about. They’re not telling me about my pancreas yet. I’m terrified. But I slept for about 7 hours last night. First time since the news on Wednesday. We decorate the Christmas tree today. Girls are excited…

OP posts:

Badgerstmary · 05/12/2021 11:23

Here’s another handhold op plus a hug. Sorry you’ve got this to go through. I hope she get sort your treatment plan out soon. Xx

Mama1980 · 05/12/2021 12:03

I'm so sorry op, another hand hold here. Here's hoping you get a treatment plan going asap.

Original poster

Dammitthisisshit · 05/12/2021 12:07

And just called my parents to tell them but they were about to go out and sounded all upbeat and I couldn’t say anything…. Urgh it’s a mess. Thankyou strangers of the internet - you are easier to talk to than real life people

OP posts:

eightlivesdown · 05/12/2021 12:30

I really feel for you - so very unfair.

I saw a newspaper article yesterday for Maggie's (cancer support) and the comments were very positive. You could give them or a similar group a call for some hand holding and practical advice based on their experience of people in similar situations.

Keeping my fingers crossed that you get through this.

FestiveFlavours · 05/12/2021 12:41

@Dammitthisisshit

And just called my parents to tell them but they were about to go out and sounded all upbeat and I couldn’t say anything…. Urgh it’s a mess. Thankyou strangers of the internet - you are easier to talk to than real life people

You might want to “set the scene” with them, by messaging them to say you’ve had some medical tests done and the results are “a bit worrying”. Then you can speak to them on the phone or in person and they’ll be more prepared. You might want your DH to break the news to them on your behalf, if they have a good relationship with him.

You’ll find many people on Mumsnet who have gone through this, so you can ask about anything at any time. Sending you best wishes.

notawittyname1954 · 05/12/2021 12:49

Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine. The brave PPs who have had cancer or experienced a close loved one with it are much better qualified to help you. But I am here with a sympathetic hand hold and a listening ear should you need it. Good luck for the future. From what others have said it seems to help once a plan of action for treatment is decided.

peaceanddove · 05/12/2021 13:00

I am squeezing your hand tight. I was diagnosed with early breast cancer in Jan. 2019. An absolute thunder bolt as it was picked up by a routine mammogram (that I so nearly didn't go to). Feeling stunned is completely natural and I remember that awful, sinking feeling so well. But it does start to fade and it really, really helps when you have a firm treatment plan in place.

I had something called a 'therapeutic breast reduction' on the affected breast because my norks were a 34G so a lumpectomy wasn't cosmetically viable. Once I had healed from surgery I had radiotherapy and started on Tamoxifen. Still waiting for my other boob to be matched (at the moment my boobs don't even look like half sisters, more like totally unrelated women living on different continents).

But I have been cancer free since March 2019 and it all seems like such a dark, distant dream - and there's every chance that will be the same for you. Cancer treatment has progressed in leaps and bounds in just the last 5 years and is improving every month. Please, please don't consult Dr Google because the vast majority of cancer information is, at least, 10 years out of date and unnecessarily worrying.

I can very highly recommend the cancer thread over on General Health, so many lovely, helpful and knowledgeable women on there. Plenty of them going through treatment and plenty of them back to living normal lives after their stressful diagnosis.

Bloodybridget · 05/12/2021 13:10

@Dammitthisisshit I'm so sorry - and much sympathy to for everyone else here with a recent diagnosis. I also strongly recommend the cancer support thread in General Health, it was a huge help to me from when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2019.

It is especially hard, I'm sure, for those with young children and living parents. Macmillan also have advice on the website for talking to children.

As others have said, you will almost certainly find things easier when you know where you're at and have a treatment plan.

Sending very best wishes.

peaceanddove · 05/12/2021 13:39

I was diagnosed January 2020 not 2019. Sorry.

Cancer. Anyone have a hand to hold?

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