ADHD - anyone got any hints and tips for coping with life

[Gingernaut]

I have a magic marker in the kitchen, which I use to write the use by or best before dates on jars and packages

I use clear containers and jars so I can see what's in them and what state they're in

I don't have one cupboard for all the cleaning gear. I keep things I use to clean, close to where I use them - bathroom and toilet cleaners in the bathroom, laundry detergents close to the washing machine and shoe care stuff close to my shoes.

I have magnetic boards, lots of magnets and clips and even have magnetic sheets which I can cut and stick to items so that they can go on the boards - phone, frequently used screwdrivers and pen pots are all stuck up on IKEA metal boards

I keep a letter opener handy so that when mail come in, it's opened straight away. I decide whether it needs to be filed or whether something needs to be done and clip it up, ready to be dealt with.

I have lots of mirrors and dry wipe pens - If I need to remember something, I write it on one or more mirrors, so that when I look in the mirror, I'll see the note.

If I need to remember to post a letter or bring something out with me, I place it on the floor, in front of a door I have to pass through to leave the house.

I have magnetic note pads stuck about the place, so that I can write notes to myself wherever I am.

II have a whiteboard in my bedroom - the first and last thing I see when I wake up is what I've written on the board.

New job uses Microsoft Teams - I have my shifts to hand whenever I open the app.

Anyone got anything else?

Apps? Practices?

Clothes rail in the bedroom where I used to chuck my clothes. Prescription meds next to coffee pot. Teeth brushed as soon as I get up.

When trying to accomplish a task. Do it in a place where there is another human or watch body double vid on YouTube.

I'm very sensitive to rejection so I have to check in and be nice to myself when it happens.

I have a routine for coming in the house and my kid knows not to chat or be silly during this time (less sinister than it sound)

If you want to get shit done whilst working from home put your shoes on and listen to a classical music playlist

If your house looks like shit and you have no motivation invite people round for drinks/playdate/party. It will be sparkling in record time

If you have space, have see through boxes in the loft for stuff like kids memories. Christmas, camping, halloween etc

As motivating as shame and guilt are they are not nice to live with and not sustainable.

Im waiting for an adhd assessment but it's so clear I have many of the traits. I do think it's about 'hacking' your brain and that in the right circumstances adhd is a superpower!

Only read half of this but Google minis all over the house, Google keep lists o. My 0hone, multiple notifications set on my Google calendar for every event and even then I have horrific days like yesterday where I set a pan on fire, set the fire alarm off, cancelled a meeting was 1 minutes notice with the head of the department for the job I justvstarted on Monday because I'd forgotten about an asd/adhd appt for my son and then had to drive to school, calling reception on the way so I could yank him out at the last minute, then my phone battery arm out halfway through the appt....
It was just a horrific adhd day and I'm still very wobbly about it today.

Sorry. Probably not much use, but you're not the only one who struggles,basically. We all just do the best we can. I also use the 'leave things in front of the door to remember them, but with me and 2 adhd kids just getting out if the house is a fucking miracle each and every day. I'm just so tired. Are you tired too? It's exhausting just being me. If I won the lottery I'd pay for a PA. What a wonderful relief that would be

@canadagoose1

Only have one handbag, full of all the shite you normally lose on a daily basis. Also makes you look super-organised when you always have tissues, paracetamol, spare pen etc at work.

Just don't go clubbing with it as you'll have to explain why you have a bottle of lighter fluid, a sharpie, some string and a pair of pliers in your bag.

I have a little zip up pencil case with these essentials in. Makes it super easy to switch it between bags. Kind of essential as I need anti histamines and an epi pen with me at all times, so I just put the tissues, lip balm etc etc in the same case. It was life changing and I don't say that lightly

Wow OP you're amazing!
I have one Google Doc with all the important details written on - nhs numbers, account numbers, energy supplier stuff - everything.
I have a link to it on my phone homescreen.
I usually carry a phone battery charger and cable in my pocket.
Everyone has boxes in IKEA kallyx units for clothes - throw them in. No folding ever or I won't do it.
I use Alexa's to do list and I've synced it to my iphone reminders using ITTT (if this then that). 'Alexa - set a reminder for 15.15 tomorrow - 'pick up kids'. I literally do this all the time for everything, Alexa is constantly saying 'this is your reminder - pick up kids'. This has been absolutlely game-changing. I have an Alexa on every floor.
I use gmail religiously. I think that's the only thing I never forget to do now - as soon as there is a date, even if it's for a phone chat with friend, I add it in. I've set my notifications to email me as well as to pop up on my iphone.
There are more, will have a think.

I use the oven alarm in 1 min increments when bringing pan of water to the boil.
I use the 'automatic turns self off' function on the hob whenever I am for eg. Cooking pasta.
I use the oven alarm for the oven. Often if it needs another five mins I will forget to reset the alarm and come back half an hour later to burnt chips. But I'm getting better at doing it every time.
Basically, i ask myself 'what do i need to do now' whenever I'm in the kitchen.

"Alexa shopping list to my Tesco basket" @tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict WHAT????! This could be life changing if there's one for Morrisons.

"Pay the ADHD tax" - that is such a good way of looking at it @allfurcoatnoknickers.
@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles - taking photos of letters - genius.

@Gingernaut can you talk a bit more about why you're finding the thread depressing? is it because you already do it all? In that case the most important thing for you on the thread is @nodogz "As motivating as shame and guilt are they are not nice to live with and not sustainable." And others who are modelling the idea of giving oneself a break from 'should' and acknowledging that the things you do manage are miraculous. Fuck that shame and guilt, really. I've started just telling everyone. "Sorry if I don't remember your face next time, I think it's to do with my ADHD', 'Yeah that will be unlikely because I have ADHD and that stuff tends to fall off the list."

I too am lolling at the multiple posts. Hello sisters!

Please can we not push the idea that only people with adhd have these struggles.

Lots and lots of people struggle with memory and organisation and executive function etc. We all find different things hard and that's part of life.

@nodogz

Clothes rail in the bedroom where I used to chuck my clothes. Prescription meds next to coffee pot. Teeth brushed as soon as I get up.

When trying to accomplish a task. Do it in a place where there is another human or watch body double vid on YouTube.

I'm very sensitive to rejection so I have to check in and be nice to myself when it happens.

I have a routine for coming in the house and my kid knows not to chat or be silly during this time (less sinister than it sound)

If you want to get shit done whilst working from home put your shoes on and listen to a classical music playlist

If your house looks like shit and you have no motivation invite people round for drinks/playdate/party. It will be sparkling in record time

If you have space, have see through boxes in the loft for stuff like kids memories. Christmas, camping, halloween etc

As motivating as shame and guilt are they are not nice to live with and not sustainable.

Im waiting for an adhd assessment but it's so clear I have many of the traits. I do think it's about 'hacking' your brain and that in the right circumstances adhd is a superpower!

What do you mean by the body double thing @nodogz?

Alexa when I am cooking or need a reminder. Every appointment goes on phone calander. At work set reminders on outlook and paper diary.

Don't over schedule myself and I have similar meals for breakfast & lunch as less decisions.
Repeat to myself "it is ok to be a work in progress".
Coffee before 3pm not after.
I work 4 day week but 3 full & 2 mornings. So where possible apt on these afternoons.

I used the instant pot while working 30hrws and doing my masters as once in you can leave to cook. Plus if you forget it only takes 45mins to cook something.

I'm forgetful, could procrastinate for England if it was a sport and not a week goes by without something going wrong

It's depressing to be told that I'm doing well.

@Halene It's having another human around , it just makes things easier. For example if I have a boring hour of jobs (post letter, collect prescription, get something for tea) I'll see if someone wants to come with me.

Or if I want to clean the bathroom, I'll put on a you tube of someone cleaning a bathroom or a study one if I want to do work but can't concentrate.

I think it's a stronger version of listening to a podcast whilst doing the thing - which helps you to do stuff by giving the brain something to do in the background.

It works really well for me even though it sounds mad! (ESP the cleaning vids)

App called routinery on my phone. You set up a morning/evening routine with a list of tasks and the amount of time each one takes. In the morning/evening you press play and it flashes up an icon of what you should be doing with a timer, then you press the tick when done and it moves on to the next task. Means I can now leave the house on time fed, appropriately dressed and with all my stuff on time (usually!)

@Gingernaut (great name!) you have to cut yourself some slack mate.

I know myself that on my hyper focus days I can do more than other humans. Under pressure, I have achieved great things BUT I can't perform like that every day. And I have felt sad that I can't be like that everyday, because I know what that could achieve.

Most people give 60-70% consistently every day. For me every day is different, 4% one day, 97% the day after, weeks of 17% etc but averaged out I'm doing the same as everyone else. I honestly believe adhd can be a positive, but you have to get comfortable with knowing your brain works a different way.

Have you heard the saying that neurotypicals are motivated by reward and adhd by interest? That works for me and explains why what works for others doesn't work for me

@missbunnyrabbit

Please can we not push the idea that only people with adhd have these struggles.

Lots and lots of people struggle with memory and organisation and executive function etc. We all find different things hard and that's part of life.

This is a thread specifically for ADHD.

Leave.

@Gingernaut people say the same to me because I study and have 3DC and am a lone parent.

What they don’t see is the utter chaos.

Today, for example -

• Ballet class for youngest DD at 9am
• Came home and spent 3 hours nit combing middle DDs hair
• I’ve done one dishwasher load
• I’ve wiped the kitchen counters
• I’ve spent 2 hours on my coursework

Yay, right?

No.

I’ve got 4 loads of laundry to wash, dry, sort, put away by tomorrow evening.

I need at least another 3 hours on coursework then another hour to make notes for the presentation.

The dining room/play room looks… Well, I’d be mortified if anyone came over right now.

My bedroom resembles a teenagers bedroom. Messy as fuck. Won’t have time to do that till next week.

Bathroom needs a quick once over that will take around 15 mins but it’ll take me all day tomorrow to work myself up to actually doing it.

And I am medicated too.

My Psych told me that I have far less “useable hours” per day than your average person. ADHD + CPTSD = hardly any spoons and no ability to prioritise those spoons.

@missbunnyrabbit people who make judgements like you did about adhd really boil my piss. It seems you are teacher but still have no sympathy for those who are neurodiverse? I do have sympathy for you though because it seems you are really struggling with depression and anxiety and so your exec function, organisation skils etc will currently be affected.

People with ADHD are on a spectrum and still trying to juggle other symptoms of adhd even those with depression or anxiety wouldn't have, and we have the symptoms all the damn time.

My tip is to ensure I eat enough protein, as well as carbs and fat because it helps to keep my brain balanced.

Such great ideas! I'm just getting on the technology bandwagon right now and have an Alexa everywhere now! Can someone explain what IFTTT is please, I've had a look at this and I don't really understand how it works. I've got my calender, shopping list and reminders on my Alexa, what else does everyone else use it for?

And great idea about photoing letters and saving in different albums!

@LitCrit

"Alexa shopping list to my Tesco basket" *@tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict* WHAT????! This could be life changing if there's one for Morrisons.

"Pay the ADHD tax" - that is such a good way of looking at it @allfurcoatnoknickers.
@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles - taking photos of letters - genius.

@Gingernaut can you talk a bit more about why you're finding the thread depressing? is it because you already do it all? In that case the most important thing for you on the thread is @nodogz "As motivating as shame and guilt are they are not nice to live with and not sustainable." And others who are modelling the idea of giving oneself a break from 'should' and acknowledging that the things you do manage are miraculous. Fuck that shame and guilt, really. I've started just telling everyone. "Sorry if I don't remember your face next time, I think it's to do with my ADHD', 'Yeah that will be unlikely because I have ADHD and that stuff tends to fall off the list."

I too am lolling at the multiple posts. Hello sisters!

I don't think there is one for Morissons but you can do a Morissons order via Amazon and anything you add to your Alexa shopping list will be added to the Morissons basket on there

'I have lots of mirrors and dry wipe pens - If I need to remember something, I write it on one or more mirrors, so that when I look in the mirror, I'll see the note.'

GENIUS!!

@tiktokniknok

'I have lots of mirrors and dry wipe pens - If I need to remember something, I write it on one or more mirrors, so that when I look in the mirror, I'll see the note.'

GENIUS!!

Aw shucks. Thank you. 😳

I just got diagnosed 2 weeks ago. Still processing.

Our house is currently a right state so I’m spending this weekend trying to have a really good tidy up and get back in top of it. Currently am sitting on the floor Mumsnetting….!

Another one here without a diagnosis but so much of my life now makes sense through an adhd lens.

My hacks are:

Setting the alarm on my phone to go off each morning while I’m prepping lunches with reminder about who needs art/music/pe gear and I walk out to the car immediately and put it in or snooze the alarm if I can’t so it goes off again. dh and the dc tease me about all my alarms but this works

I’ve realised that my brain processes task sequences differently to others so that getting an item out of a drawer, is a different task entirely from putting the stuff I moved to get that item back, and closing the drawer. This has been a revelation. Now I either remind myself to do those things as well, or build in a few quick tidy up periods into my day but I don’t feel bad about it.

I’ve started being much kinder to myself. RSD is awful so I’m trying to balance it out by being nicer. I do nice things for “future me” like making my bed in the morning, or putting the bin bags back where they belong.

I use a tip from a slob comes clean to put things in the place I’d look for them first instead of in the place they should be kept. This has made life incredibly easier and since I started doing this a few years ago I can find stuff much more easily.

Out of sight out of mind definitely applies to me, and I’ve realised that the more things I can put out of sight the quieter my mind is. I just need to be careful that doesn’t include the gas bill.

I switched my fridge around and put condiments in the salad drawers and veg that goes off at eye level.

In my freezer I have assigned a food type to each drawer. It’s not the most efficient use of space/electricity but it lets me see what’s running low.

I assess new purchases asking myself if it’s adhd friendly. Things that require extra steps, or are easily broken don’t get space here anymore.

I can’t consistently follow routines. I just can’t. But often if I get started I keep going so I only set myself tiny minimal goals. So instead of ‘clean bathrooms daily’, I only commit to checking the toilets have all been flushed. 85% of the time I’ll tidy up as well, and 50% of the time I’ll do a quick clean. It’s cut out the guilt which doesn’t actually motivate me to get more done, and often creates barriers to even trying.

I’ve realised that my brain processes task sequences differently to others so that getting an item out of a drawer, is a different task entirely from putting the stuff I moved to get that item back, and closing the drawer. This has been a revelation.

Oh this! absofuckinglutely this! This explains so much! Thank you!

@Librarybooksandacoconut

App called routinery on my phone. You set up a morning/evening routine with a list of tasks and the amount of time each one takes. In the morning/evening you press play and it flashes up an icon of what you should be doing with a timer, then you press the tick when done and it moves on to the next task. Means I can now leave the house on time fed, appropriately dressed and with all my stuff on time (usually!)

This sounds amazing! Off to investigate.

Thanks @nodogz, that makes sense.