Visiting the chapel of rest

[lliitttlepiinkhouse]

I am trying to decide whether or not to visit a relative that passed away a month ago. Unfortunately the circumstances meant that it's taken a month to release them and enable them to be embalmed.

The undertakers have said they are ok to visit but be prepared for them to have changed quite a lot.

Has anyone else got experiences of visiting someone after delayed embalming? How did you find it?

We went to see my Dad with my Mum, neither of us would do it again - it wasn't him. I felt I should say a few words to him at the time, but in restrospect any words/thoughts have had since are more meaningful.

@Sausagedogsarethebest

I work in an undertakers. Embalming can make the body look 'more well', especially if the person has died from an extended illness. However, if the deceased has had a post mortem then embalming doesn't always work so well. This is because the embalming fluid has to be fed through the veins and arteries. If the deceased has had a post mortem then the arterial network has been disconnected and so it's a more difficult procedure to perform.

Be prepared for the deceased to look different (quite often darker skin colouring), but take the lead from your undertaker who will be best placed to advise if the body is 'viewable'. A body can look ok one day and not so much the next. If they strongly advise a closed coffin visit then listen to them. They're trying to tell you, as gently as possible, that nature is taking it's course.

Good luck OP, and condolences for your loss.

Thank you x

@Zodlebud

You could ask the FD to set up a chair away from the coffin so you can see them but not have to get too close. It is quite comforting to be in a quiet room with them and to say goodbyes but honestly, these last minutes will remain with you forever and I personally like to remember my deceased relatives how I knew them when they were alive.

After such a long time the body will have changed significantly. Their eyes will have become sunken, the muscles in their face start to deteriorate especially around the mouth, and their skin will be discoloured. The FD can use wadding to try and make them look more normal but the face can take on some very strange changes. Quite often they don’t look like they are peacefully asleep. I think the FD trying to put you off should also be a consideration.

So, I would go and see them but don’t get too close. You don’t want to regret not being able to say goodbye

Good idea

Thank you for all your your replies and help.

I've been and they are absolutely fine, peaceful and no different to anybody else I've seen. I'm glad I went.

@daisyphase

My lovely mum died nearly 3 months ago. Her husband chose to visit her. He felt it wasn’t her, that her spirit wasn’t there. It didn’t feel comforting for him, like one last chance to see her might have been.

A couple of weeks later he got an unexpected bill through the post - £365 for them preparing her body for the viewing.

Glad to hear it went ok @lliitttlepiinkhouse

Sorry for your loss

@TheRigatonini

Glad to hear it went ok *@lliitttlepiinkhouse*

Sorry for your loss

Thank you

I was pleasantly surprised and relieved, it was a very positive experience

I'm glad it was a positive experience for you @lliitttlepiinkhouse