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Original poster

Childbirth & no childcare

46 replies

Champersandchocolate · 24/11/2021 10:16

Looking for advice, I'll keep it short.

Live in a new area, no friends, no family, (friendly with neighbours who is also a SAHM but don't really hang out) baby due in spring.

Hoping for a simple home birth but obviously these things rarely go to plan.

We could be in a situation where we have no childcare when I'm due to give birth - (I used to live near my mum).

I was thinking of hiring a Nanny for the last month - which I honestly don't need as I'm a SAHM. But what I do need, is someone, a person if I end up going to hospital to just watch over my 9&7 year old 😬

Obviously I have DP to watch the children but I'd like him with me.

I'm honestly not sure if I can rock up at hospital in labour with my two children in tow!

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 24/11/2021 10:19

They would expect your partner to look after the older ones.

My neighbour took my toddler in similar circumstances... she found out a couple of days before my plan was having a home birth with DD in another room with my mother (DH was in the Army and not present). If it had been hospital I would have gone alone.

A friend with no childcare or partner.. toddler went to emergency Foster care.

Abitlost2 · 24/11/2021 10:21

I had to ask a neighbour for one of mine ( my family never help, no idea why ) . I was lucky as always had very straight forward and quick births everytime so was home hours later and walking around etc. Not eaay though as i was consious my dh had to rush back etc...

girlmom21 · 24/11/2021 10:21

Could you contact a nanny/babysitting agency of sorts and ask if they have anyone who is almost on call for these kinds of situation - so you can pay a reduced rate and then just pay in full for the days/nights you actually need them?

It seems a bit bonkers to pay for a months worth of childcare when you may only need a day.

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Childcare & nursery Families
Abitlost2 · 24/11/2021 10:22

Good luck with your baby op Flowers

IDontDrinkTea · 24/11/2021 10:22

I have the same problem. I’m planning on leaving DH to do the childcare and I’ll go alone

pigcon1 · 24/11/2021 10:23

If you can afford it book the nanny.

caringcarer · 24/11/2021 10:24

Which area are you? I would happily step in to look after kids. I am a foster carer so have DBS. You could seek out a childminder and ask if she would have your kids, take to school and collect at short notice if you have to go to hospital. I think most people would help out in your situation. You just have to pluck up courage to ask.

NellieBertram · 24/11/2021 10:25

Find a babysitter now. Do any of your neighbours have a sensible older teen?

MrsMo21 · 24/11/2021 10:52

Have you researched Doulas in your local area? Mine was incredible and if I’m blessed with any more children, she’ll be coming with me to the birth and I’ll leave DH home with DC!

Original poster
Champersandchocolate · 24/11/2021 11:04

Thank you so much everyone.

All of my neighbours are perfect, older, retired couples and one with teens who stays home all the time.

It's definitely plucking up the courage to ask - only a couple of neighbours know that I'm actually pregnant because I still don't look it.

I might stand outside rubbing my belly and see if I can engage conversation with the older ones 😂 they are all very nice and love children - perfect if I could rent them as grandparents!

I will contact an agency... I'm based in Dorset.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Neighneigh · 24/11/2021 11:13

I think if your kids are 9 and 7 they'll be ok with a neighbour coming in for a while, especially if you start working on a friendship now. Luckily my eldest was asleep when I went in to labour but I was early so an emergency neighbour was called as all my plans went out the window! I'd start making friends with your neighbours and see. Alternatively, could your mum come to stay and try to cover the period you're due?

Sleeplessem · 24/11/2021 11:19

I’m due any day now and similar to you have no childcare but for a 2 year old. Wasn’t sure around how we could feasibly work childcare so went for a birth doula instead? Could that be an option you’d look into?

Do your kids have any school friends that they could do a last minute sleep over if necessary? They could have overnight bags packed like you?

Original poster
Champersandchocolate · 24/11/2021 11:30

@Neighneigh I tried to ask my mum and she said "that is the reality of having another child"

🙄

OP posts:
mindutopia · 24/11/2021 11:32

I hired a trainee doula. Was also planning a home birth, so she could also provide labour support as needed, but basically, her main job was to support dd (just 5 at the time) during the birth and after. If we needed to go into hospital for any reason, she would be able to stay with her, until dh could return home after the birth. As it turned out, all went to plan. I had a lovely home birth and we never needed to go into hospital, but it was nice having someone there just for her, playing with her, getting her snacks, etc. so dh could be with me as needed. She came up just after the birth to see her brother and then back downstairs and doula stayed with her til about 2 hours after when we were all settled. It was great and certainly much cheaper than a nanny and doulas are used to being on call to come to you at all hours.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 24/11/2021 11:34

Do the children's classes have teaching assistants? They may be allowed to provide a private arrangement re childcare.

SpinningCat2 · 24/11/2021 11:49

I second a trainee doula, the NCT train Douglas and the trainees need to attend a birth as part of their training. There is a cost , but nothing like hiring a nanny for a month.

Or your local home start group. I'm currently training as a home start volunteer and I'd help out in a heart beat.

Good luck

SpinningCat2 · 24/11/2021 11:50

Doulas !!! Though that may well have trained a Douglas 😆

00100001 · 24/11/2021 11:52

Do needs to stay at home unfortunately.

Jumpingintochristmas · 24/11/2021 11:58

[quote Champersandchocolate]@Neighneigh I tried to ask my mum and she said "that is the reality of having another child"

🙄[/quote]
Well isn’t she a peach Hmm

Megan2018 · 24/11/2021 12:00

Do you have a village Facebook page? We’ve had people ask on there for similar.

Gshisk · 24/11/2021 12:01

I asked my son's private teacher!. I was booked for an emergency section and the hospital gave me two hours notice to set up theatre. My husband dropped my two kids to the teacher's place and drove like mad to get to the hospital. I was already at the hospital for a routine check up. I had the section at 3.30 pm and he picked them up at 9 pm.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 24/11/2021 12:12

Do the kids have friends at school who they could go to?

Original poster
Champersandchocolate · 24/11/2021 12:20

They do have friends from school, I think a lot of the school parents have jobs so it's so hard to just ask!

Thank you for all the advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Champersandchocolate · 24/11/2021 12:33

@Jumpingintochristmas I have no idea what's wrong with her - she's been this way my whole life 🤣 I'm getting married next year and she has booked a 2 week holiday on the exact date!!! Apparently she forgot. 🙄

OP posts:
Jumpingintochristmas · 24/11/2021 12:53

[quote Champersandchocolate]@Jumpingintochristmas I have no idea what's wrong with her - she's been this way my whole life 🤣 I'm getting married next year and she has booked a 2 week holiday on the exact date!!! Apparently she forgot. 🙄[/quote]
@Champersandchocolate I’m sorry your mums so rubbish. I have a friend who’s a fabulous mum, she used her own mother as a what not to do guide to raising a family!

I think if you speak to your neighbours some kind soul will help. Best of luck.

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