Childbirth & no childcare

[Champersandchocolate]

Looking for advice, I'll keep it short.

Live in a new area, no friends, no family, (friendly with neighbours who is also a SAHM but don't really hang out) baby due in spring.

Hoping for a simple home birth but obviously these things rarely go to plan.

We could be in a situation where we have no childcare when I'm due to give birth - (I used to live near my mum).

I was thinking of hiring a Nanny for the last month - which I honestly don't need as I'm a SAHM. But what I do need, is someone, a person if I end up going to hospital to just watch over my 9&7 year old 😬

Obviously I have DP to watch the children but I'd like him with me.

I'm honestly not sure if I can rock up at hospital in labour with my two children in tow!

I would just think that your DH needs to stay with them tbh, I gave birth alone and it wasn’t the end of the world

Please just ask your neighbours, they will be honoured! I was once asked by a Mum at a toddler group - she had moved here about a month before and we’d chatted at the group but weren’t what I would call friends. I thought it was really brave of her (I’m hopeless at that sort of thing) and was frankly flattered that she would trust me! She ended up having a very speedy unplanned home birth but I would’ve been delighted to do it.

If it reassures you, if I was your neighbour (I'm not I'm in Herts) then I'd gladly look after your kids if you went into labour even if I'd not known you that long. It's an emergency and kids that age can speak for themselves in terms of food they like etc.

I know it's easy to say but just ask. The worst they can say is no. For what it's worth If a neighbour I'd never spoken to asked for childcare while she was in labour I'd help in a heartbeat. I'd hate the idea of a woman being in hospital alone because her DH had to look after the children. If you know some neighbours don't work or work from home and don't have children at home I'd start with them. I could do it because I don't have children and my work is flexible with working from home in emergencies. Working with mainly mothers means they'd easily ok me to work from home in those circumstances.

I don’t think you can ask your neighbours to help in the middle of the night, especially if you don’t really know them!
I don’t think your mum has to step up and help, tbh it is the reality of having more children.
I work in maternity and the women who don’t have childcare either go it alone and they try to give them extra support, or they bring a friend

Just ask your neighbours, I'm sure someone will be very happy to help, and your kids will be fine, they're 9 & 7. It's just babysitting.

If the children were younger or had any disabilities or additional needs that made it harder to look after them, or upsetting for them to be looked after by someone they don't know, I would have suggested leaving DH at home with them and getting a doula to support you during the birth. I don't think it's necessary though.

If the neighbours can't do it (unlikely) I'd be contacting babysitting agencies to see if they offer emergency babysitting for situations like this. You'd need someone who lives nearby though.

Thank you.

I've gave birth alone before, my precious two were done and dusted quickly. First 6 6 hours and second 2 hours.

My neighbours are at home, not even working most of the time.

We have contacted a local doula, there are 6 in our area and they seem a great option.

I have asked for a home birth as preference but I have LOW PAPP-A so my pregnancy isn't straight forward unfortunately.

You could ask local childminders as well - if they have insurance to take kids overnight (and have space) you might be able to pay a fee for them to be "on call".

Try and pluck up the courage to ask a friendly neighbour or school mum, I would help out in a heartbeat for any one of them, even ones I don’t know well at all. It’s a one off event so I’m sure more people than you realise would be happy to lend a hand. I’d hate to think of anyone having no choice but to go alone due to their partner having to do childcare. Just ask

I asked someone that I met socially if she would do it, she had a similar aged child. I would have taken her up on her offer but In the end my ils were around. We had a very small flat so we're all on top of each other but at least DH could come to the delivery and DD didn't have to go to a stranger .
Years later my DS had to go to hospital, DH was away and we had just moved areas . I had only briefly met our neighbours and DH's boss. DD went overnight to the neighbour and loved being made a fuss of by their teenagers. She was 3 or 4. Needs must in those situations and people want to help.

Just on the low Papp-a thing OP, don’t let the hospital try and talk you out of a home birth due to that alone. All it typically means is that you’ll have a few extra growth scans and sometimes take aspirin to 36 weeks. If growth is consistently above the 3rd centile and all arterial dopplers are normal, there is no reason as to why you shouldn’t have a home birth. Xx

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Do the children's classes have teaching assistants? They may be allowed to provide a private arrangement re childcare.

This would be strongly discouraged by the school.

@Sleeplessem Thank you for the advice. Baby was fine at 20 week scan. 50th centile.

Although there was one notch which I know is better than bilateral notch.

Just waiting for another scan in 3 weeks to see how everything is doing. Hopefully it all sorts itself out. Xxx

Why can you DP not do it?

I gave birth on my own. It wasn't planned but I have no regrets about the way it turned out.
I actually preferred it because I was able just to concentrate on myself and I found it massively empowering.
I think my DH preferred it too tbh!

@Alicesweewonders He can 🙂

@supercalifragilistic123 I did it alone with my first when I was 19 and it was a very lovely experience. However I am just worried as my pregnancy progresses, I don't want the baby to be rushed off after birth and I'm there all alone and scared for the baby. If it turns out I do it alone, it's not the end of the world - just not my preference. Xx

That's completely understandable.
I just wanted to reassure you, I was so worried about it to.

I hope you find a solution.

@supercalifragilistic123 I seemed to be very naive and less worried when I was a teen! 10 years on I'm much more of a wimp 😂

Haha I can relate to that!

My neighbour asked us. We had a knock at the door at 11pm as there planned childcare fell through. It was no problem, I went round and slept over and took the dc to school next day with mine and their dad picked up.

We were in similar circumstances, two of DH's work friends offered and we took them up on it. DD spent a fabulous 24hours with one of them and had a sleepover. Handled it really well. Once We had made the decision it took a lot of stress off and we had a few catch-ups with the friends so they were more familiar to DD.