Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DH always late home from work, would this annoy you?

78 replies

RobertaFlack · 23/11/2021 11:16

DH is always late home from work. We have a 14 month old. We have an agreement that he should be home at 7 and then we can eat together. Every day without fail he’ll be about 30 minutes late meaning I start the meal without him, or I try and wait with a hungry toddler. He never tells messages to say he’ll be late. Would this annoy you?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 23/11/2021 11:17

Yes.
I'd stop waiting. I sure as shit wouldn't keep my child hungry!

Eat at the normal time. If he's not there he can sort himself out.

SarahDippity · 23/11/2021 11:17

Yes. Is he generally avoidant when it comes to your child?

wingingit987 · 23/11/2021 11:19

7 is abit late for a toddler to eat isn't it? Xx

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families
Original poster
RobertaFlack · 23/11/2021 11:23

7 seems to work for him. He sleeps in till 8 though

OP posts:
Original poster
RobertaFlack · 23/11/2021 11:23

That’s the toddler BTW

OP posts:
Original poster
RobertaFlack · 23/11/2021 11:24

DH is pretty good with our son, but he just always loses track of time

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 23/11/2021 11:27

I would consider this v rude and v disrespectful. I bet he isn't routinely half an hour late for work or for meetings?

Either, he tells you that 7pm is not practical and he can't make it. And you then plan your evening accordingly. or he puts the effort in to be on time.

When I worked in the City I saw this all the time. DH was a SAHD but had a club he went to one night a week so on that night I was absolutely militant about leaving dead on time. the men couldn't understand it. They saw no reason why they couldn't sit around chatting and then have to stay at work to finish things. And this was one night a week.

Tee20x · 23/11/2021 11:27

Stop waiting. If he's not there he can sort himself out when he gets in.

Goldenbear · 23/11/2021 11:29

No, it wouldn't annoy me but I don't expect to eat with my DH in the week as he's either away with work or eating at the office. I would say 2 times out of 5 he will be around to eat with. However, I have a teenager and primary aged child for company at dinner time so I would probably feel annoyed when my eldest was your age as it is a bit lonely, especially if you have an agreement. I'm impressed your toddler can wait for such a civilised time, I think mine had supper about 5 latest some days!

Original poster
RobertaFlack · 23/11/2021 12:00

I agree with triffid that I think there is a culture of staying late

OP posts:
Dragonfire282 · 23/11/2021 12:18

I wouldn't be annoyed with him for saying late, I mean he's out working he's not down the pub. Can he text you when he's leaving so you know he's on his way? My DH doesn't finish work until 6.30, i eat with the DC as it's just too late for then. We always have breakfast together and Sunday lunch.

SpikeDearheart · 23/11/2021 12:24

I would certainly find this annoying. Fair enough if he really is working his fingers to the bone and has to stay, but I've seen so many male colleagues fart around all day and then 'have' to stay late to get their work done, knowing their wives/partners will pick up the slack caused by their inefficiency. It makes me very cynical when I hear this sort of thing...

SpikeDearheart · 23/11/2021 12:26

Plus not even letting you know is so disrespectful. My DH has a tendency to lose track of time, so he has a daily alarm/reminder programmed into his phone to tell him to leave the office or at least let me know his eta!

JorisBonson · 23/11/2021 12:27

@Dragonfire282

I wouldn't be annoyed with him for saying late, I mean he's out working he's not down the pub. Can he text you when he's leaving so you know he's on his way? My DH doesn't finish work until 6.30, i eat with the DC as it's just too late for then. We always have breakfast together and Sunday lunch.
I agree. He's not out gallivanting.
Tee20x · 23/11/2021 12:29

Also I wonder what time he actually finishes work - it may be annoying always having to rush off to make it home and eat as soon as be gets in.

Maybe he's staying late in the hope that you get the message and start eating without him - though if that's the case he should just come out and say it.

I'm on mat leave now but when I was at work I'd always end up leaving a bit later than finishing time - finishing off the doc I was working on, saying bye to colleagues etc etc.

I would feel annoyed if I'd have to go from finishing work to rushing home because I was expected for x time - obviously not taking the piss and coming home late late late - but having that time constraint can be annoying.

notacooldad · 23/11/2021 12:31

It would if it was all the time. Occasionally and with a phone call is understandable but always late and no communication is not on.

KatherineJaneway · 23/11/2021 12:37

Why is he late though? 30 minutes all the time sounds deliberate rather than losing track of time.

Surely if his workplace has presenteeism issues he should agree a new time to be home or have a word with his boss.

Hoolahupsaresquare · 23/11/2021 12:38

If it was all the time and he’s agreed then yes.

I wouldn’t be waiting for him that’s for sure. He can come home and make his own dinner if he’s going to be late.

If it was a work emergency then sure I wouldn’t mind. But not like this.

LoveComesQuickly · 23/11/2021 12:41

Can you give up on eating as a family during the week, but agree instead that DH always does bath time? And make sure that you eat together at weekends.

The current system doesn't seem to be working.

Original poster
RobertaFlack · 23/11/2021 13:42

I'm on mat leave now but when I was at work I'd always end up leaving a bit later than finishing time - finishing off the doc I was working on, saying bye to colleagues etc etc.

I think this is sort of what goes on. DH doesn’t have a fixed finishing time per se. (For background he works 15 minutes away). Rather than noticing it’s 6pm and starting to wind things down, so let’s say he can leave work at 6.45, he is always just finishing off a report/email at half past seven, or having a word with a colleague about something.

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 23/11/2021 15:04

@RobertaFlack

I'm on mat leave now but when I was at work I'd always end up leaving a bit later than finishing time - finishing off the doc I was working on, saying bye to colleagues etc etc.

I think this is sort of what goes on. DH doesn’t have a fixed finishing time per se. (For background he works 15 minutes away). Rather than noticing it’s 6pm and starting to wind things down, so let’s say he can leave work at 6.45, he is always just finishing off a report/email at half past seven, or having a word with a colleague about something.

Which just means he isn't prioritising his time with you and the DC. I completely and totally understand how the above happens. But it is perfectly possible to have a set time by which you have to leave in your head, and then do so.

if the culture is such that he can't, then I would do what I did - agree set days that he is home in time and others when it doesn't matter if he's faffing about a bit.

Mittenmob · 23/11/2021 15:08

I can see both sides but for your own sanity I'd probably stop trying to force it. Id eat at 7 whatever and he can reheat or make his own if he's late. Maybe he can come in and put toddler to bed while you have a bath!

PussGirl · 23/11/2021 15:23

When DS was small I'd feed him at 6.30pm & we'd eat when DH got in - very unpredictable times but if not too late DS would sit with us in his pyjamas. I'd not cook twice but would either take out something for DS early or give him something kept back from the night before.

My main problem was that DH would need an extended relaxation period on the toilet for 45 minutes before wanting to eat - no way that suited a small hungry child.

We'd have all of the weekend meals together as a family.

EIIa · 23/11/2021 15:25

My husband was like then we he actually left the house and went to work!

Now I can’t get him out from under my feet

He’s sniffing around mournfully from about 6pm looking for tidbits

notamilf · 23/11/2021 15:30

If I lived with someone who told me what time to be home from work I would leave. Make the toddlers tea earlier.