Single mum. I hate Sunday nights.

[Weewilliewinkie123]

Probably this sounds really pitying, but I hate Sunday nights around this time.

Kids are here and I’m doing dinner, but I feel so alone.

Most people I know are still married so I imagine the whole world sitting at home being a lovely family, or out being a lovely family, or just having a much better time than me. Sunday almost brings home to me what I could have had if Exh wasn’t actually a massive arse.

I’m mid (awful, expensive) divorce, so can’t afford to go out for dinner or anything similar and we are renting a tiny house, so I can’t have people over (couldn’t afford to feed them either and who goes visiting at 5pm on a Sunday?) so the day just feels so long.

I feel like I don’t want the weekend to pass as I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, but on the same token I want the weekend over so that I’m not dealing with my own loneliness.

Does anyone get what I’m saying?

It might sound a bit of a crappy suggestion and depending on how old you DC('s) is/are and if you have the time to do it but... maybe volunteer for The Cinnamon Trust to walk a dog? Or if a neighbour has one they don't mind lending out.
People will stop and chat, there'll be other dog walkers, kids can walk with you/ride bikes etc
It'll break up the day a bit and it's good for your MH as well

Sorry I know you said Sunday nights are the worst, you'd be a couple of hours behind stuff if you went out therefore the hours wouldnt be so long...I know what I mean even if the rest of you are thinking what the fuck is she on about 🤣🤣

Well, DH is in the TV room. We're rarely in the same room. I'm in bed. DS 14's probably on Discord in his room. DS 10's playing Fortnite in our room. Not really a lovely family evening.

Thankyou for the replies.

I have never really liked Sundays, even when I was a kid and when I was married my Sunday was equally lonely as DH always had something more important to do, so I was still alone, but I think it’s the thing now that I am alone.
I don’t want another partner, history has shown me I make really bad choices where men are concerned, but sometimes the monotony of my life is just too much.

I really struggle to get out anyway. Until finances are done I’m on my knees financially and couldn’t afford to go out, or get a sitter, so I’m kind of trapped. I’ve done chatting online to people, but it’s just not the same and it’s how I end up on here reading posts for hours.

It’s ok during the week as with work and the kids it’s 8pm before I know it, but the bit between about 4-8pm on a Sunday, it’s an absolute killer.

Have you looked at the Frolo app? Some good chats on there, it's for single parent to connect

I do have the app, but I’m really distrustful of things like that. I just think someone will know my Exh on there and stuff will be carried back to him (dv relationship)

OP, I hear you. So much. 💐💐💐

I'm a single parent to 3 DC. I've a very busy f/t job & the kids do a ridiculous amount lot of sport. I start my day v early doing training myself. I might moan about being busy but I'm on the go & distracted & productive.

Weekends are also v busy. But Sunday evenings hit me hard. I feel I don't relax, I miss adult company, and I'm struck by the amount of outstanding chores at the end of every weekend.

I know other posters are well-meaning. But it is really hard to make 'single mum friends'. Especially where I am. Most people I know are in 2 parent families, and have extended family around them.

I don't have family locally but even if I did, they really don't get it. It's not their fault but they don't get the pressures, loneliness, the endless mental load. I always feel like I'm dropping the ball somewhere.

I'm afraid I've no answers! For me, I'm really trying to progress my divorce - also expensive & difficult - as if I could get some certainty about my financial situation I feel I could have some sense of autonomy which would feed into my general personal happiness.

I also feel that for now, I don't have much choice but realise the situation will change in the future, one way or another.

Sunday nights are shit. Everything is closed, no-one wants to socialise because of work in the morning, even the cinema closes earlier. DH and I are currently sat in silence on our phones after he made leftovers for dinner (so he could skip the supermarket shop again, which I now have to do after work tomorrow). Definitely not some cosy family evening in.

Until finances are done I’m on my knees financially

I'm the same. I'm in a horrible situation - nothing is clear cut so I'm paying the mortgage & all the costs, my ex's contribution doesn't cover what's needed for DC but I've a reasonable job. A decent salary & a good professional role. But I've nothing spare & it seems like every month something breaks / needs replacing or an unexpected child-related expense crops up.

A lot of this is my own fault. The marriage was so abusive I was completely ground down & let him ride roughshod over me. He has a great life. But I'm finally getting close to going to court & barristers are in discussion at the moment (I'm in Ireland).

I know people are trying to help by saying it's tough on Sundays even with a partner.

But it's still easier to have someone else to share those Sunday night blues with (as long as you're broadly happy with them!)

It's not always a 'here & now' loneliness. It's a more in-depth sense of isolation.

Comparison is the thief of joy, OP.

Sunday nights are much, much better than Monday mornings. Still a bit rubbish though.

@Holidaytan

Comparison is the thief of joy, OP.

That's such an annoying comment. Sorry but it is.

It's completely understandable to feel cast down and alone, when you wish you had someone to share your life with.

I know my life is better without dickhead H but it doesn't make it less lonely, at times.

I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely OP.

Try and do something nice for yourself.
I’m also a single mum, my ex and I broke up last year. Sometimes I feel lonely for company, but I don’t want a relationship.

It may sound a bit silly but I’m working on the relationship I have with myself. I’ve refocused on my hobbies and having time to do things for myself once my DS is in bed.

@Mumoblue

I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely OP.

Try and do something nice for yourself.
I’m also a single mum, my ex and I broke up last year. Sometimes I feel lonely for company, but I don’t want a relationship.

It may sound a bit silly but I’m working on the relationship I have with myself. I’ve refocused on my hobbies and having time to do things for myself once my DS is in bed.

That's good advice!

@EarringsandLipstick

That is exactly it! Although I took control I feel like I have no control, I can’t get my own proper financial freedom, my life consists of work, kids, worrying about divorce and paying for divorce and i don’t have have a good job.

I’m very busy through the week, but Sunday brings it home to me. There is no other adult here. The kids are looking to me to get us out of this financial hole the divorce is putting me in, and since I left I have fought and fought and fought to sort our lives out but I often feel like I’m wading through shit.

I’ve no family nearby and although they are sympathetic they don’t get it and stock phrases like “just forget about it” or “it will sort itself out” when your divorce is costing ££££££ that you don’t have because in order to even have a stab at a fair amount you’ve had to get a solicitor a Barrister and go to court, don’t really help.

Therefore I’m not really good fun either, so a lonely Sunday is also a worrying Sunday, and there is no one here I can just have a conversation with.

I think on Sundays the weight of it, or the decisions I’ve made, or how the children are relying on me to come through for them is a heavy burden, on top of feeling lonely.

I think on Sundays the weight of it, or the decisions I’ve made, or how the children are relying on me to come through for them is a heavy burden, on top of feeling lonely.

WeeWillieWinkie, I feel like I could have typed every word. I'm so sorry you are in the position but it is a little comforting to know I'm not alone!

And god, YES to things that family say, I've had all those, and the most common, 'put him out of your mind', which makes me want to scream. I'd love to but it's very very hard when he's manipulating me, avoiding his responsibilities & having a glad old time as I stress & worry & feel like I'm in some maze that every so often I see the exit from, but turns out I'm wrong.

I am here with my DC who are writing Christmas lists, watching TV & I'm sorting school uniforms. All normal family stuff. But I just feel like bursting into tears & am waiting till bedtime to do so. (I also had a horrible gastro bug which I'm just coming around from which is definitely having an impact!)

I think a PP has good advice, to find something that's for you, no matter how small. I also spend €€ on counselling which feels a lot but I know it's essential. She keeps explaining that it's not a straight line but up & down but that I will get there.

I’m not really a single parent but my husband has been deployed for the best part of 11 months so I very much feel like one.

For me, Sunday evenings are my favourite time because the week is done, my child is in bed and I can relax. I always make sure I’ve got some nice snacks or a nice tea, I save some of my favourite shows or a movie and have a long bath. I make it my one evening that I have no chores and that I can just relax.

Wait til the divorce is finished and treat yourself. That's what I'm doing!

Making single parent friends isn't always as simple as it sounds. Plus they may be single but aren't necessarily in the same life stage as you, or their kids might be a completely different age to yours so the things that govern their life and their time don't always fit with yours

At the moment, to go out, it’s a convoluted affair of getting my mum over, from miles away, to babysit and stay over. It’s a lot of hassle for everyone involved and often one of the kids gets sick, or plans change last minute and I can’t just say “oh let’s do it next week” so the whole thing is a nightmare (kids don’t stay at their dads at the moment)

I have a good game face, but it is an act all the time. I’m on the verge of tears all the time, but I’m very emotionally closed, I can’t just cry (which I probably need to do but if I did, if I gave into it, i don’t think I would ever stop) so I feel tearful but it doesn’t become tears.

I’ve posted before under other names about how divorce has cost me friends because I’m no fun and have no money and they are all still doing stuff as couples and I don’t quite fit anymore

I'm so single mum. Not that long too after 18 years of marriage. Sundays are a chill reboot ahead of the week, lie ins, a walk with kids and dog, a pot roast or a pub lunch, chats with far flung girlfriends, laundry, reading and an early 🍷

No grumpy ex husband being a hands-off spectator to domestic chores is a dream come true.

How old are your kids OP? Just wanted to say you are doing a good job and like others said it won't last forever.

I've been reading dr chatterjee's feel better in 5 and I think it's actually changing my life

I have a good game face, but it is an act all the time.

I'm so sorry. Sending you a massive hug.

Sorry to keep saying this but I 💯 hear this. It's not always an act for me, but it is sometimes it is. Today was an example, I watching DD's match & just about held it together. Couldn't do the chat with other parents.

My counsellor said to me when I was at a v low ebb - if one thing changes, it'll make a difference. She was right. It doesn't make it magically better but in my case I got HRT sorted & then felt able to tackle legal stuff & cope better with work stress.

Maybe if something changes in the divorce, so that you feel like you are getting somewhere, that will help?

The other thing that happens with me is that when I'm overwhelmed by big stuff, I worry about small stuff eg house not being tidy enough or that I didn't plant the winter bulbs 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm really sorry it's so tough right now. It's not much advice but all you can do is Keep On Keeping On. 💐

OP I understand every word of your post

I don’t find Sundays too bad these days but bank holidays are awful. And I agree that making single parents friends isn’t that easy. All of my friends are couples and, whilst I have a nice time with them on girls’ nights or seeing them for coffee, I rarely get invited to family events because I’m on my own.

Then I hear of other couples doing walks and pub lunches together on the weekends and I realise I’ll never be invited to that because I don’t have a man to bring along.

But then I remember how much I hated Sundays when I was with DH because he was always doing sport and never wanted to do anything as a family. And I remember how we never got invited to dinner parties because he was so odd socially.

Keep going OP. I’m through my divorce now and, although still lonely, I am in a better place. It will improve once your divorce is sorted.