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Original poster

School didn't notice my child wasn't there- again!

60 replies

dangermouseisace · 20/11/2021 17:36

Yesterday I found out my 15 year old was missing at 5.30 pm. He’d not gone to school at all and had been wondering around in a distressed state all day. I had no idea he hadn't turned up to school- he is usually reliable. I know he's a teenager...but I would not willingly leave him unsupervised and not knowing his location for 11 hours! Instead, it was 5.30pm before I even started looking for him, in the dark, at rush hour. His last GPS was at a multi storey car park in a city 10 miles away and I was absolutely petrified. He's not streetwise (I've always suspected ASD) and doesn't have many friends. He did get home safely. I'm asking for help for him.

I am really rather cross. I don't know whether this needs to go beyond a complaint to the school. This is meant to be an “outstanding” school. He already feels like shite so no one noticing he wasn't there made things worse.

OP posts:

MichelleScarn · 20/11/2021 18:08

This is the 2nd time this has happened. Last time, when he was 13, and I phoned them up to ask if they noticed they had a missing child because he had been sat in the garden all day. They hadn't noticed.
Did he tell you that's where he'd been all day, or was he seen to be there? What did he say happened on that day?

BurntO · 20/11/2021 18:09

I’d be fuming. That is really bad of them OP and a massive safe guarding issue. How on earth had it gone unnoticed? Where is their duty of care?

I’d be asking how it was missed, especially with technology these days I’d assume it should be easier than ever to keep track of such things?

PriamFarrl · 20/11/2021 18:09

Schools assume an absent pupil is sick; and that the parent knows their child is at home too sick for school so no need to for the school to phone and tell them.

There was a case in the 80s/90s where two teenaged girls were abducted on the way to school. Because in those days they didn’t call the parents and just assumed sickness no one knew the girls were missing until they failed to come home by 7pm.

After that, they were found safe and well, schools have to phone to confirm an absence.

Cattitudes · 20/11/2021 18:09

My dc schools would know and contact us. I think you need though to focus specifically on your son and ask the school to contact you as soon as they are aware he is not there. Whilst in general they might not contact a parent initially because they are waiting for all the absences to be rung in, when a vulnerable child has twice gone missing from school they need to be more proactive for him.

JustLyra · 20/11/2021 18:10

Schools assume an absent pupil is sick; and that the parent knows their child is at home too sick for school so no need to for the school to phone and tell them.

That's not the case in schools these days. Assumptions aren't made and calls or texts are done.
It's a safeguarding failure by the school that the OP wasn't contacted to find out why the child wasn't in school.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 20/11/2021 18:14

he'd be so embarrassed if I took him in

Well he should have thought about that before breaking your trust. He’ll surely need to earn it back. Yes the school is at fault but so is your ds - old enough to know truancy is not acceptable. While I’d be cross with the school and would raise it, I’d be more focused on my dc.

MissyB1 · 20/11/2021 18:14

@2bazookas
That is incorrect. Schools follow up an absent pupil usually by mid morning at the latest.

Hen2018 · 20/11/2021 18:16

Why is he distressed and not going in?

Sadly, “outstanding” schools often don’t concentrate quite so much on nurturing or have the best pastoral support.

MintJulia · 20/11/2021 18:17

'Cross' wouldn't even begin to describe it. Your school is failing in it's most basic requirement of safeguarding.

How the hell could they 'not notice'. Can't they count?

ViceLikeBlip · 20/11/2021 18:18

Morning and afternoon registers are a legal requirement, and absences must be chased as a matter of urgency. So even if he registered and then slipped off, it should have been flagged after lunch.

It is good practice to take a register in every lesson, but not a legal requirement. In my school the procedure is that form tutors get an automatically generated list of anyone who missed a lesson at about 5pm,so we wouldn't normally query/chase those until the next day.

So in short, it's appalling that they didn't notice he wasn't there all day, and this is precisely why- the whole point of morning registration being chased immediately is exactly because of the scenario of children going missing on the way into school and nobody finding out until they don't arrive back home.

Comefromaway · 20/11/2021 18:19

@NeedAHoliday2021

he'd be so embarrassed if I took him in

A child in such a distressed state is definitely not thinking about breaking trust. He wasn’t skiving or behaving bad,y, it sounds like he was having a mental health breakdown.

My autistic son had a sensory overload and hid inside a locker for two hours. He wasn’t being naughty. (School noticed within the hour)

Even at college we get a call if they don’t turn up for a lesson (Ds hasn’t noticed a timetable change and thought he was on a free period).

Soontobe60 · 20/11/2021 18:23

At what point in the school day did he go missing?
How come you didn’t notice he was missing until 5.30?

PinkWaferBiscuit · 20/11/2021 18:26

@MintJulia

'Cross' wouldn't even begin to describe it. Your school is failing in it's most basic requirement of safeguarding.

How the hell could they 'not notice'. Can't they count?

Agree completely with this. It's literally the most basic requirement in safeguarding and I'd be horrified that if they couldn't get this right.

Absolutely unacceptable and if anyone tells you otherwise because he's 15 and not 5 they are fobbing you off!!

TwigTheWonderKid · 20/11/2021 18:28

This is a massive safeguarding breach and I would definitely make a formal complaint. Procedures are there and must be followed for a reason.

Heresmyhr · 20/11/2021 18:29

My son did something similar in Y11. Not only did the school not notice he wasn’t in, they actually masked him in in the morning when he didn’t go to school at all. He was also wandering around all day. He was marked absent in the afternoon but school didn’t notify me.
A few weeks later he attempted suicide on the way to school.
Your son may be crying out for help. I would email the school with your concerns and ask to be notified if he does not turn up for school again.
I drove my son to school for the rest of the year.

Whataday21 · 20/11/2021 18:36

I used to work in school admin and this was a major part of my job. We would contact every single parent where a child did not have a reported absence, and there were 1800 pupils. We were relying on teachers taking their registers properly which is actually a real challenge.

However, it is not realistic to prevent a determined student leaving the school site. If they want they will leave when deliveries or visitors come through the gates. We have cctv but can't stare at it constantly. I think you need to check that systems are in place, but they are not foolproof.

marly11 · 20/11/2021 18:40

@Heepers

This is a really serious safeguarding issue and a failure by the school. I say this as a teacher. They absolutely must take it seriously.

Correct. You need to raise this as a formal complaint with the school that is logged in their system. It is this kind of thing that will put them at serious risk in an Ofsted visit and the head will know this. If it was raised with Ofsted directly there would be a major panic. I would suggest you send in a Formal letter of complaint to the head and ask to meet with her to understand how the school can guarantee this won't happen again. They have to act.. and log your complaint on their system.

SofiaAmes · 20/11/2021 18:41

I would be much more concerned about what is going on with your son and why he skipped school and why he is so distressed. Yes, the school should have notified you, but save the energy of complaining until you have gotten to the bottom of what is going on with him. Per Heresmyhr message above. It could be serious, if this is out of character for him.

WonderfulYou · 20/11/2021 18:58

This is a serious school failure.

Most secondary schools take a register in every lesson, so at least 3 registers a day.

Once or maybe even twice someone may have answered the register for him and they didn’t notice but I can’t believe that no one noticed all day!

I wonder if he or someone he knows phoned the school pretending to be his parent which is why you weren’t contacted.

Definitely contact the school but also try and get to the bottom of why he’s doing this.
Is he getting bullied?
Is there a specific event on the days he’s not going in?

This has probably happened more times than you realise.

ChangeAhoy · 20/11/2021 19:02

Whether Y12 or or Y7 we can never, ever assume a student is ill. Never.

I deal with student absence. I don't even assume a child is sick if they are absent for a second day after a reported sickness on Day1. It may seem logical to assume but with no notification from the parent I cannot just shove an "I" for ill in the register. Registers in my opinion are "absolute". The child is in. Or they have been reported by an adult as sick/medical appt/whatever. Without an adult reporting them they are "not known" and we have a duty of care to ask the parent where they are/are they OK?

itsallgoingpearshaped · 20/11/2021 19:14

Please contact the Local Authority and ofsted

Tumbleweed101 · 20/11/2021 19:26

Our school calls home or work if a child hasn't registered - as i found out when I forgot to call once. Which is good as my children have a long bus journey on public buses so I would want to know if they vanished on route!

Grida · 20/11/2021 19:29

It is a legal requirement for schools to take a register. They have to follow up unknown absences.

FreeBritnee · 20/11/2021 19:31

Yes our school phones in the morning if they haven’t been informed of an absence.

You said he was in a distressed state. Do you know what’s going on with him?

LettertoHermoine · 20/11/2021 19:34

Christ, you must have been terrified. We are alerted by text at lunchtime if a child isn't in. I hope he is doing ok now.

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